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Posted 2011-06-25T10:49:27+02:00
"I wasn't that drunk!" "Dude, you held up my cat in the air and started singing The Circle of Life!"

Epic(11)
Comment by Anonymous

This isn't texts from last night dumbass.

Comment by Anonymous

I do that... Sober. Im hoping my kitten will learn to roar.

Comment by Anonymous

Rubbing my forehead! Lol!!!! ;)

Posted 2011-02-15T06:45:49+01:00
Whenever I meet a new girl, I introduce myself by shaking hands with my left hand. I don't want her to meet her competition right away

Epic(22)
Comment by Voodoochild

Hahaha hilarious

Posted 2012-08-14T18:54:26+02:00
I always hear people say that a dog is man's best friend, but I don't even have enemies who'll look me dead in my face while taking a shit on my carpet.

Funny(23)
Comment by Vicklawl

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Comment by Anonymous

WHO GIVES A FUCK IF IT'S "OLD!!!!!!" Man DAMN, you deplorable assholes get a life and stop saying "old"

Comment by Anonymous

saying its "old " is old

Posted 2011-05-13T21:01:00+02:00
2011 Pick Up Lines: "I have a full tank of gas."

Funny(9)
Posted 2011-01-07T23:33:57+01:00
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I'm typing this with my middle finger

Epic(13)
Posted 2012-03-03T07:56:36+01:00
My best guy friend ask me if there was a website with funny status's and I wanted to tell him about this one but then he would know I'm not really as funny as he thought!

Epic(13)
Comment by Anonymous

or he could already know about it and was just wondering if you told the truth!! Either way it was a funny post I have had friends ask me the same thing too, and I say "uhmmm no sry cann't help!" ..lol

Posted 2012-02-19T22:34:52+01:00
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.

Epic(8)
Posted by Suthernfukr 2012-03-04T16:00:28+01:00
This chick I met last week says she wants a guy who is 'funny and spontaneous', yet when I tap on the kitchen window uninvited late at night dressed as a clown it's all panic and screaming.

Epic(11)
Comment by Anonymous

Toss my salad.

Comment by Anonymous

I dont care if he got it from somwhere else.. thanks for sharing suthernfukr :)

Comment by Anonymous

When does the narwhale bacon?

Comment by Anonymous

IMA FIRIN MAH LAZER!!!

Comment by Anonymous

MASH POTATOES!!!

Comment by Anonymous

Who cares where it's from ... Shit's Hilarious

Comment by Anonymous

Suthernfukr <3's COCK IN HIS ASS!

Comment by Suthernfukr

If you notice most of these posts are from some other site. Fuckin' Troll.

Comment by Suthernfukr

UH...never been to that site.

Comment by Anonymous

He got this off of memebase/reddit.

Comment by Anonymous

Not bad for a suthrnfukr

Posted 2011-03-08T15:23:17+01:00
The moment someone tells you that you're not good enough is the moment you know you're better than them.

Epic(18)
Posted 2012-01-28T08:45:18+01:00
Be careful who you call friends. I'd rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.

Epic(11)
Posted 2011-04-25T02:18:21+02:00
You can't hum while holding your nose. Try it.

Funny(10)
Comment by Anonymous

SURE you can just hum with your mouth open... DUMBASS!.. lol

Comment by Anonymous

i did it it just didnt sound like humming 0.o

Comment by Anonymous

i did but i sounded super dumb(:

Comment by Anonymous

@Dreadnought LMAOOOO

Comment by Dreadnought

You can't fart while a finger in your butt. Try it:)

Comment by Anonymous

well looks like 56 other people liked this so who gives a f**k what you think

Comment by Anonymous

No humor in it at all. Just facts and f**ktardedness!

Comment by Anonymous

the humor is you believe it dumbass!

Comment by Anonymous

i dont see any humor in this one at all

Posted 2012-05-08T23:50:49+02:00
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue represent freedom until they are flashing behind you...

Epic(15)
Comment by Anonymous

lmaooo good one, had me dying!

Comment by Anonymous

Got 32 likes on this one.. Thank you good sir

Posted 2011-05-24T08:04:27+02:00
Drinks at the bar should be served in capri sun-like pouches, and if you can't get the straw in then they cut you off.

Epic(9)
Comment by Anonymous

Shoot....I can't get the straw in when I'm sober, let alone plastered.

Posted by Alaska 2012-05-13T04:58:35+02:00
Cheating is not an accident. Falling off a bike is an accident. You don't just trip and fall into someone's vagina.

Funny(21)
Comment by Anonymous

What if there's an explanation for this shit...What? She tripped, fell, landed on his dick7?

Comment by Anonymous

why is it always the guy...like some cheating bitch can't accidently trip and fall on a dick!!!

Comment by Anonymous

HAHAHA...AT THE FIRST COMMENT

Comment by Anonymous

That's not true it is completely possible, the girl needs her legs spread and her hips at a 50-60 degree angle, and the guy needs to plant his knees first so the penis doesn't impact with all of the force from the fall

Posted 2013-06-28T01:20:36+02:00
Everyone talks about leaving a better planet for our kids. Let's try to leave better kids for our planet.

Epic(9)
Posted 2011-04-19T04:23:10+02:00
Relationships are like fat people, most of them don't work out.

Funny(18)
Comment by Anonymous

Bullshit!.. If it doesn't work out it is not a relationship lol

Comment by Anonymous

I DO WORK OUT BUT STIL "PHAT AND PROUD"

Comment by Anonymous

thats not funny thats mean and disrespectful and i weigh 94 pounds and i think thats rude

Comment by Anonymous

Chubby cheeks ;)

Comment by Anonymous

Lol @ last comment.

Comment by Anonymous

then you dont work out

Comment by Anonymous

wat the fuck i'm fat

Posted 2011-03-30T07:22:55+02:00
The cool thing about The Clapper is it doubles as a strobe light during sex.

Epic(12)
Posted 2010-10-08T19:58:22+02:00
Spellcheck? I just type the words into Google and see if it corrects me.

Funny(13)
Comment by Anonymous

Did any of you go to school? Or graduate?

Comment by Anonymous

I'm not alone...

Comment by Anonymous

YES! I do that too!

Posted 2009-12-06T04:53:42+01:00
What do people in China call their good dishes?

Funny(21)
Comment by Anonymous

Shitty Dishes.

Comment by Anonymous

lmfaooo too funny

Comment by Anonymous

that would be funyn ifthey did call it america

Comment by Anonymous

that was a stupid comment "they call it American" just saying.....

Comment by Anonymous

lol maybe they just call it American

Posted 2011-03-27T21:19:59+02:00
Thanks to this page i'm 'that guy with the cool updates'. The sad thing's tht none of my friends will ever knw about u:)

Funny(8)

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