Share

Posted 2011-09-30T18:41:59-06:00
You know what's funny? Paintings of Adam & Eve where they both have belly buttons. Think about it, take as much time as you need.

Funny(14)
Comment by Anonymous

says all the cowards posting as anonymous

Comment by Anonymous

wow.. some of the people commenting below should seriously consider to kill themselves.. PLEASE CRAZY ASS LOSERS, GO AWAY!!! Back on topic, this status is awesome :)

Comment by Anonymous

I'm confused, why do niggas have belly buttons? I mean poop is born out your ass.

Comment by Anonymous

Really? Just a few thousand years? If God created man on day six of creating the universe, would that not be a few billion years?

Comment by Anonymous

Paintings of Adam and Eve were painted a few THOUSAND years after their existence. It's not like an artist was there painting them

Comment by Anonymous

hey tamika.... I own my own business. still think im a slave jack ass? By the way... i need some new "employees"

Comment by Anonymous

how the hell u guys went from this status about adam and eve to freakin slavery, if you want to know the def of slavery go look it up, y'all need to keep up with your history.

Comment by Anonymous

No a slave isnt anyone who works to be able to eat what the fuck.... who told you that. If you work get paid and are able to quit you're an employee. If your a slave you have no choice, if they want to fee you, starve you, beat you or put a bullet in your head they can. Youre someones property, do you really think young sex slaves are there to feed their families or because they will killed if they don't. Not all slaves are black by the way.

Comment by Anonymous

She's right, actually... Everyone else, ignorant. People like you make me scared for our future.

Comment by Anonymous

tamika u are f**king stupid and obviously black with that pathetic name u were givn to u when u mom gave birth to u in that bathroom stall at the truck stop. u need to dig up a few history books or talk to you fellow slaves friends and see if ur def of slave is a bit askew ...then f**k off and die

Comment by Anonymous

OH SHIT NIGGA!!!! FUCK YOUR MOM!

Comment by Anonymous

yay...dats rights. Got another run away.

Comment by Anonymous

dude a slave is anyone who works for someone else to beable to eat, in todays time we all are slaves, so go f**k yourself, unless your liveing with your momz then they slaves and your useless. I dont need to be anonymous my name is Tamika Christian and you can find me on facebook if you have a problem!

Comment by Anonymous

The slaves are revolting....

Comment by Anonymous

Implying you have any money to your name

Comment by Anonymous

v I believe i own that one. Sorry ill try harder to keep him under control.

Comment by Anonymous

Nigger you a slave

Comment by Anonymous

Or you can suck a dick.. And it's God

Comment by Anonymous

Or you can suck a dick.. And it's God

Comment by Anonymous

Implying that god didn't create them with belly buttons so that they could pass that genetic trait onto the next generation.

Comment by Anonymous

I suppose The artist that drew them was also created alongside... or maybe angels drew the painting??

Comment by Anonymous

Cuz god created them, they weren't born out of a vagina thus meaning they were never connection to a female inside a uterus via umbilical cord.

Comment by Anonymous

i'm feeling dumb explain

Comment by Anonymous

Very insightful. Love it!

Posted 2010-11-19T12:28:04-07:00
If you think it's necessary to judge me by my past, don't get mad when I put you there.

Funny(15)
Posted 2012-11-11T17:37:33-07:00
it all makes sense now. Gay marriage and marijuana being legalized the same day. Leviticus 20:13 - "If a man lays with another man he should be stoned." We've just been interpreting it wrong all these years.

Epic(12)
Comment by Anonymous

I've seen this before! awwh

Posted 2011-08-07T19:00:13-06:00
Today, at Starbucks, when the lady asked for my name, I told her "Voldemort". When the guy called out the name for pick-up, he said, "VOL...uhhh...'He Who Must Not Be Named'". EPIC WIN!

Epic(29)
Comment by Anonymous

vvvv *would. :p

Comment by Anonymous

that's hilarious and the haters below are bigger losers than they think they are or they wouldn't have gotten the joke!

Comment by Anonymous

You my good sir are gonna die a virgin.

Comment by Anonymous

This is awesome! You guys are just jealous cause you didn't think of it! Trolls! Hahaha

Comment by Anonymous

buck the both of the haters on this. CUNTS

Comment by Anonymous

Harry Potter is over. Do the rest of the world a favor and find a new series to obsess over.

Comment by Anonymous

epic fail for making a harry potter reference and not being 12...

Posted 2010-11-14T11:52:40-07:00
I keep a second pair of shoes at work, I don't want people to recognize me when I'm pooping.

Funny(27)
Posted by Bobloco 2012-03-12T09:08:39-06:00
When my status does not get posted I assume Status Stalker saved it until I forget about it so they can give to southernfkr to post...

Epic(11)
Comment by Anonymous

Who cares what he does...?

Comment by Anonymous

Southernfkr steals all his statuses from funtwitter.com. I see them posted there first by OTHER individuals... Not very original at all!

Comment by Anonymous

hahaha...EPIC! :)

Comment by Anonymous

Yep, that's him!!! You do know him after all!!! I don't think he's an administrator though, I think he's the maintenance guy and maybe some times they forget to log off, so he messes with the computer. I'm hoping they have cameras and get rid of the SOB soon, getting tired of reading his repeat statuses...

Comment by Anonymous

whos southernfkr i guess us comic genuisses on comedy central are just to big for a big name in a little world...the only thing southerners f**k are their cousins.

Comment by Anonymous

i love u bobloco

Comment by Anonymous

I've tried posting about suthernfkr too

Comment by Anonymous

This would explain why my statuses about suthernfkr never get approved.

Comment by Anonymous

hahaha AWESOME

Comment by Anonymous

pure awesomesness

Comment by Suthernfukr

I am not an admin by the way.

Comment by Suthernfukr

WOW... that is all.

Comment by Anonymous

idk what the hell the admin has been doing the past week to two weeks theres been days where he hasnt approved anything on here, i think suthernfkr has herpes or something and had to go get it taken care of so he couldnt post to the site.

Comment by Anonymous

Probably because it wasn't funny.

Comment by Anonymous

Lmao! That was funny! But mostly because we all know who suthernfkr is...sooo its probably even funnier to him! He's popular enough for this to be hilarious for most...I love it lol

Comment by Anonymous

Now that was funny !!!!!

Comment by Dilligaf13

Awesome...I posted "that's for calling me whack" -Crack back when Whitney died, never made it on.

Comment by Anonymous

Wow this.... this just made my day.

Comment by Anonymous

i think he is too... ive posted several funny post about him that didnt make it on here

Comment by Anonymous

he is the admin

Comment by Anonymous

Hahahahahahahahahaha! Hilarious!

Comment by Apostle

starting to think southernfkr is the admin of the site

Posted 2011-02-24T18:01:47-07:00
When people try extra hard to cover the keypad as they enter their pin at the ATM, I always want to whisper, "I saw it" when they're done.

Epic(22)
Comment by Anonymous

Ok Mr Martin ;)

Comment by Anonymous

hahahaha I used it (:

Posted 2010-11-18T10:29:04-07:00
Auto correct can go straight to He'll

Funny(12)
Posted 2009-12-10T15:48:16-07:00
I sometimes pee in the shower, and my girlfriend says that's only ok if I'm actually taking a shower.

Funny(30)
Comment by Anonymous

No comments from a post 4 years ago? hahahaha hello bitches

Posted 2011-04-10T18:51:49-06:00
Tip to reduce weight: Turn your head to the left then turn to the right. Repeat this exercise every time you are offered something to eat.

Epic(12)
Comment by Anonymous

It's so stupid that is has 82 likes and only 8 dislikes...soon to be 83 like because I didn't yet click it! I think it's great and could care less if people repeat something on here....it's less pages of funny I have to go through!

Comment by Anonymous

this is so stupid.

Comment by Anonymous

I care...thanks for letting me know.

Comment by Anonymous

Who gives a s**t?

Comment by Anonymous

This was posted before.

Posted 2010-12-08T14:44:09-07:00
I hate people that say " He's a nice person once you get to know him." They might as well just say " He's a dickhead, but you'll get used to it."

Epic(13)
Posted 2010-10-28T21:16:39-06:00
thinks that wishing your pets could talk is fun until you remember everything you've ever done in front of your pets.

Epic(10)
Comment by Anonymous

good one :) I won't tell it to my dog

Comment by Anonymous

lMAO THEYLL BE SCARRED 4 LIFE

Comment by Anonymous

What if we don't have pets? X( I want a Rainbow pony with a green and purple saddle and i will name it Fred!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Comment by Anonymous

Haha xP Classic

Comment by Anonymous

My dog would have some awkward stories to tell! Haha

Comment by Anonymous

OH My, so True!

Posted 2013-02-06T14:15:07-07:00
In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila! You finish off as an orgasm!

Epic(21)
Comment by Anonymous

If people only posted their own jokes on here, there would only be two things a day. Keep 'em coming, I don't care who wrote them! To that guy that can't spell down there, pull up your damn pants!

Comment by Anonymous

Actually....Woody Allen

Comment by Anonymous

George Carlin and I've seen it all over the internet for years...nice try homo

Comment by Anonymous

--George Carlin

Comment by Anonymous

old like ur mom and before you say I can't spell please ask if anyone gives a fuck

Comment by Anonymous

Hahaha, love it!!! What a wonderful life!

Posted by Official2faces 2012-06-28T14:12:00-06:00
Whoever snuck the s in "fast food" is a clever little bastard.

Funny(19)
Comment by Anonymous

V below me....really?

Comment by Anonymous

I don't get it

Comment by Anonymous

No. Noooo. Wrong! Fast food does in fact make you fat. People who exercise don't generally eat fast food often. Soooo...no.

Comment by Anonymous

Fast food doesn't make you fat. Being lazy and not exercising does.

Posted 2011-09-19T03:39:05-06:00
I bought condoms & the cashier said do you need a bag? I replied "No she isn't that ugly".

Epic(12)
Comment by Anonymous

Ummm... I think we ALL steal theses statuses.... Duhhhhh!!!

Comment by Anonymous

Hey um thanks for whining like a little Bitch! No one gives a f**k if its your status! Foolish mortal

Comment by Anonymous

vvv he got you there buddy

Comment by Anonymous

It is called status stalker....looks like you were stalked dude!

Comment by Anonymous

Thanks for stealing my status - ImThatFunnyGuy.

Posted by Alaska 2012-05-12T20:58:35-06:00
Cheating is not an accident. Falling off a bike is an accident. You don't just trip and fall into someone's vagina.

Funny(21)
Comment by Anonymous

What if there's an explanation for this shit...What? She tripped, fell, landed on his dick7?

Comment by Anonymous

why is it always the guy...like some cheating bitch can't accidently trip and fall on a dick!!!

Comment by Anonymous

HAHAHA...AT THE FIRST COMMENT

Comment by Anonymous

That's not true it is completely possible, the girl needs her legs spread and her hips at a 50-60 degree angle, and the guy needs to plant his knees first so the penis doesn't impact with all of the force from the fall

Posted 2011-04-05T21:58:22-06:00
Seeing a spider is nothing. It becomes a problem when it disappears.

Epic(16)
Comment by Anonymous

Hells yea man!!!! Where I live those things are evil for sure!!!!

Comment by Jerseygirl

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Posted 2011-10-09T08:12:57-06:00
This is not Facebook, what book? Slutbook? They need to call this F*ckbook. Picture lookin good, but in person. . . . Yuckbook. Hellbook, Tellbook, bitches can't Spellbook. Hate behind your back, but in person wish you Wellbook. Glitchbook, Snitchbook, fake family Listbook. Posting on her page, this is trying to steal your Bitchbook. Rudebook, Feudbook, tell your every Movebook. Don't even need a t.v. this shit is Newsbook.

Epic(14)
Comment by Anonymous

Stole this from me... I did this rap..THIEF!!!

Comment by Anonymous

Kickin it gbook style

Comment by Anonymous

CHEA!!! best rap about facebook

Posted 2012-01-13T20:13:11-07:00
"Mommy! There's a monster under my bed!" "That's silly. There's no mOH GOD! IT'S TEARING MY ARM! Kidding. He only eats kids. Goodnight."

Epic(13)
Posted 2012-12-27T21:54:45-07:00
I post funny shit on status stalker just to see how long it takes for a fellow Facebook friend of mine to post it on his wall as his own. I suspect he will skip this one. Hi Steven!

Epic(13)
Comment by Anonymous

Holy f**king paranoia batman

Comment by Anonymous

And now I know who you are comic book store owner. All I had to do was ask myself who is on the same level of weirdness as me but has a reason to put me out like this. I gave you a lot of business, didn't I? Now I'm going to show you what happens when you push. Your Welcome Chris.

Comment by Anonymous

I like this and I just lifted it, now come see if I'm your "Steven". Leave your name while your there?

Comment by Anonymous

Like this guy has never lifted a status. I'm sure yours are just pure genius and you should be so proud of all you've amounted to in life.

Comment by Anonymous

Wtf man who is this

Comment by Anonymous

HA ~ This was posted six months ago ... old as hell!

Comment by Anonymous

BAHAHAHAH!!! Thats funny as hell!

Comment by Anonymous

Hi Rick ... ok, you got me.


Total Number of Statuses:27220

Status Stalker Login

Want to post a funny status? Well login isn't required but if you register and login you will have access to all the extra features status stalker has to offer.

Username:
Password:
Forgot Password?

Stalker Map

Facebook Addict Intervention Parody