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Posted 2011-09-19T03:39:05-06:00
I bought condoms & the cashier said do you need a bag? I replied "No she isn't that ugly".

Epic(12)
Comment by Anonymous

Ummm... I think we ALL steal theses statuses.... Duhhhhh!!!

Comment by Anonymous

Hey um thanks for whining like a little Bitch! No one gives a f**k if its your status! Foolish mortal

Comment by Anonymous

vvv he got you there buddy

Comment by Anonymous

It is called status stalker....looks like you were stalked dude!

Comment by Anonymous

Thanks for stealing my status - ImThatFunnyGuy.

Posted by Alaska 2012-05-12T20:58:35-06:00
Cheating is not an accident. Falling off a bike is an accident. You don't just trip and fall into someone's vagina.

Funny(21)
Comment by Anonymous

apparently you've never met my ex

Comment by Anonymous

What if there's an explanation for this shit...What? She tripped, fell, landed on his dick7?

Comment by Anonymous

why is it always the guy...like some cheating bitch can't accidently trip and fall on a dick!!!

Comment by Anonymous

HAHAHA...AT THE FIRST COMMENT

Comment by Anonymous

That's not true it is completely possible, the girl needs her legs spread and her hips at a 50-60 degree angle, and the guy needs to plant his knees first so the penis doesn't impact with all of the force from the fall

Posted 2011-10-09T08:12:57-06:00
This is not Facebook, what book? Slutbook? They need to call this F*ckbook. Picture lookin good, but in person. . . . Yuckbook. Hellbook, Tellbook, bitches can't Spellbook. Hate behind your back, but in person wish you Wellbook. Glitchbook, Snitchbook, fake family Listbook. Posting on her page, this is trying to steal your Bitchbook. Rudebook, Feudbook, tell your every Movebook. Don't even need a t.v. this shit is Newsbook.

Epic(14)
Comment by Anonymous

Stole this from me... I did this rap..THIEF!!!

Comment by Anonymous

Kickin it gbook style

Comment by Anonymous

CHEA!!! best rap about facebook

Posted 2011-04-05T21:58:22-06:00
Seeing a spider is nothing. It becomes a problem when it disappears.

Epic(16)
Comment by Anonymous

Hells yea man!!!! Where I live those things are evil for sure!!!!

Comment by Jerseygirl

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!!!

Posted 2012-01-13T20:13:11-07:00
"Mommy! There's a monster under my bed!" "That's silly. There's no mOH GOD! IT'S TEARING MY ARM! Kidding. He only eats kids. Goodnight."

Epic(13)
Posted 2012-12-27T21:54:45-07:00
I post funny shit on status stalker just to see how long it takes for a fellow Facebook friend of mine to post it on his wall as his own. I suspect he will skip this one. Hi Steven!

Epic(13)
Comment by Anonymous

Holy f**king paranoia batman

Comment by Anonymous

And now I know who you are comic book store owner. All I had to do was ask myself who is on the same level of weirdness as me but has a reason to put me out like this. I gave you a lot of business, didn't I? Now I'm going to show you what happens when you push. Your Welcome Chris.

Comment by Anonymous

I like this and I just lifted it, now come see if I'm your "Steven". Leave your name while your there?

Comment by Anonymous

Like this guy has never lifted a status. I'm sure yours are just pure genius and you should be so proud of all you've amounted to in life.

Comment by Anonymous

Wtf man who is this

Comment by Anonymous

HA ~ This was posted six months ago ... old as hell!

Comment by Anonymous

BAHAHAHAH!!! Thats funny as hell!

Comment by Anonymous

Hi Rick ... ok, you got me.

Posted 2011-04-20T19:39:08-06:00
Whenever I hear a lady in the next stall trying to unwrap a tampon as quietly as possible I want to yell "HEY IS THAT CANDY CAN I HAVE SOME?"

Funny(15)
Comment by Anonymous

bathroom whores

Comment by Caroline666

THIS IS WHAT I WOULD DO!

Comment by Anonymous

Two people have never tried to quietly unwrap a tampon.

Posted 2009-12-09T17:54:50-07:00
I'm pretty sure I love my drug dealer more than my parents..

Get a Life(50)
Comment by Anonymous

wow X_X f**ktard galore

Comment by Anonymous

thats horrible!

Comment by Anonymous

WHO CARES!!! NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR OPINIONS! IF YOU DISAGREE, MOVE PAST THE DAMN POST. GROW UP FUCKERS!

Comment by Anonymous

said the guy who misspelled because???

Comment by Anonymous

To the Anon who said "your all dumb asses" I think YOU are the dumbass becaue it's YOU'RE not YOUR. Why are people so stupid?

Comment by Anonymous

your all dumb asses.

Comment by Anonymous

Crack is whack!!!

Comment by Anonymous

eat a dick and die f**ker!

Comment by Anonymous

i don't know why im angury but fuck yuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Comment by Anonymous

I know I call my dealer more than my parents

Comment by Anonymous

can i have his number??

Comment by Anonymous

that sucks!!!!!!!

Comment by Anonymous

I dont kno about all that. dealers piss me off lol

Posted 2010-10-28T21:19:41-06:00
just read that burglars use Facebook to see when people aren't home. So from now on, I'm at home. With a rifle. And a hungry crocodile

Funny(17)
Comment by Anonymous

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA :) I see you b***h

Comment by Anonymous

So your status message should read: Come by for a window game of peek-ah-POW!

Posted 2012-07-13T12:59:27-06:00
Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I'm the asshole for tripping him??

Win(11)
Posted 2012-06-24T18:17:32-06:00
I'm writing this from the hospital. Don't worry! The doctors say I'm going to be OK but I must warn you. The Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name!

Epic(25)
Posted 2010-11-17T13:17:16-07:00
I renamed all my files "the world," so everyday when I "save" the world I feel important.

Funny(15)
Comment by Anonymous

haha for the comment above!

Comment by Anonymous

What if you lost "the world"? :o

Posted 2012-08-14T19:54:22-06:00
Every few years I come to the realization that I was such an idiot just a few years ago.

Funny(34)
Posted 2010-10-24T12:00:11-06:00
If tomatoes are classed as a fruit, then doesn't that mean that ketchup is technically a smoothie?

Win(14)
Comment by Anonymous

I never thought of it that way.

Comment by Anonymous

still funny and insightful

Comment by Anonymous

Smoothies have ice?

Comment by Anonymous

you just blew my mind

Posted 2010-09-13T19:54:38-06:00
Grammar is important! Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your Uncle jack off a horse

Funny(19)
Comment by Anonymous

Regardless it's missing a period at the end lo buy who cares it's fucking hilarious.

Comment by Anonymous

why wouldn't it be an uncle is a noun is it not?

Comment by Anonymous

yeah... whose the joke ruiner ?

Comment by Anonymous

read it properly.. capitalization = using capital letters.. it's funny

Comment by Anonymous

That is funny and then i read the comment and it ruins it all and no one cares if uncle shouldn't be capitalized!!! lol

Comment by Anonymous

"Uncle" doesn't get capitalized.

Posted by Leah6666 2012-03-15T07:32:07-06:00
I love how people bitch on here about stealing a status from a website or a person. Like, WTF are you doing on Status-Stalker anyway? Im pretty sure your here to steal a status.

Epic(10)
Comment by Anonymous

Copy and Paste Baby, and there ain't Jack Crap you can do about it......................

Comment by Anonymous

ALL YOU FUCKERS NEED TO GET A FUCKING LIFE! IF YOU'RE SO UPSET ABOUT PEOPLE TAKING STATUSES, THEN STOP POSTING SHIT FOR PEOPLE TO STEAL. JEEZ ALL YOU FUCKERS ARE SO STUPID.

Comment by Anonymous

Shut up, almost every status has been stole by me.

Comment by Anonymous

Don't listen to them, they're haters, obviously because your at over a 100 likes. Hate hate hate hate... Enjoying your hateraid fuckers?

Comment by Anonymous

shes got a point

Comment by Anonymous

Leah. Why do you think because you post a string of quotes for a few weeks do you feel that you are some queen bee on this site. You have this sense of entitlement that is unjustly earned. Get off your high horse and stop thinking your opinion matters, you are not as cool as you think you are..

Comment by Anonymous

Ah, you must be related to Suthernfkr, lmao!!!!

Comment by Leah6666

U all are mad cuz u know its true. loooooooserssssssss

Comment by Anonymous

Im actually im not fat, and u wish u could have me f**kface....

Comment by Anonymous

Shut up Skank nobody likes you either, why dont you lose some weight fatty, because yes.. we are all sure that both of you women are fat as f**k. :) My argument = win

Comment by Anonymous

Nanny-nanny-poo-poo!

Comment by Thatflgirl

Okay, all you "Anonymous" posters saying stupid shit about someone you don't even know, need to STFU, get out of your mom's basement, and get a life. Leah is speakin' the truth here... we're ALL here stealin' statuses.... so quit your name-calling and grow up.

Comment by Anonymous

FUCKING CUNTS!

Comment by Anonymous

VVV Agree with the guy below me, Leah6666 is a dirty skank.

Comment by Anonymous

shut up whore.

Comment by Anonymous

Yup it's what I do when I can't think of something original. I'll be damned if you ever whining about my personal life on FB

Posted 2012-01-02T21:32:53-07:00
Maybe if we over-paid our teachers and under-paid our Pop artists there would better education and less bad music.

Win(8)
Comment by Anonymous

but you just said that over paying will make people crappier at their job….

Comment by Anonymous

lol @the comments below

Comment by Anonymous

As a bacon hoarder nipple puller, anal lovin chest crushing fugly nanny, i agree.

Comment by Anonymous

As chuck Norris, i agree too.

Comment by Anonymous

As a monkey f**king tour guide I agree too.

Comment by Anonymous

As a Hispanic Nunchuck Nipple Grabbing Jack Beaver Thief I can say i agree somewhat...

Comment by Anonymous

As an unemployed Musician...I disagree. No, wait....

Comment by Anonymous

As an illiterate truckdriver... what the fuck are y'all takin' about!?!

Comment by Anonymous

As a chronic masturbater I would agree too.

Comment by Anonymous

As a Mormon Blacksmith I agree too

Comment by Anonymous

As a Tranny bicycle thief I agree too

Comment by Anonymous

As a Tranny bicycle thief I agree too

Comment by Anonymous

Has nothing to do with how much the teachers are paid. The education system sucks and is a complete joke.

Comment by Anonymous

As a person that lived through the whole Rebecca Black weekend I agree too

Comment by Anonymous

As a grandpa I completely agree too.

Comment by Anonymous

As a parent I completely agree.

Comment by Anonymous

Get over yourself grandma.

Posted 2012-08-14T19:58:00-06:00
I feel kinda guilty when I waste perfectly condescending answers on an idiot.

Funny(46)
Posted 2011-12-08T16:31:34-07:00
My new party trick.. I swallow two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my ass tied together..... I shit you knot."

Epic(10)
Comment by Anonymous

wow... amazing!

Posted by Boschboy 2011-03-05T14:08:04-07:00
Move over Weight Watchers, there is a new way to lose weight...It's the "I can't afford to buy groceries to feed myself because I just filled my gas tank" diet.

Epic(16)
Comment by Bobloco

So true! Between child support and gas I'm lookin pretty good!

Comment by Anonymous

What kinda jackass would not like this!?


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