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Posted 2012-07-13T20:59:27+02:00
Your kid is running around the store screaming at the top of his lungs annoying everyone and I'm the asshole for tripping him??

Win(11)
Posted 2011-10-27T01:19:01+02:00
For Halloween I'm going to write "Life" on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers

Epic(10)
Comment by Anonymous

Love this <3 haha nice

Comment by Anonymous

f**k me in the pussy

Comment by Anonymous

or squeeze the juice in their eyes

Comment by Anonymous

Ha ha do u know how much 1 lemon costs!!!

Comment by Anonymous

Damn the guy below is right

Comment by Anonymous

in this economy lemons cost too much to hand out!

Posted 2010-09-14T03:54:38+02:00
Grammar is important! Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your Uncle jack off a horse

Funny(19)
Comment by Anonymous

why wouldn't it be an uncle is a noun is it not?

Comment by Anonymous

yeah... whose the joke ruiner ?

Comment by Anonymous

read it properly.. capitalization = using capital letters.. it's funny

Comment by Anonymous

That is funny and then i read the comment and it ruins it all and no one cares if uncle shouldn't be capitalized!!! lol

Comment by Anonymous

"Uncle" doesn't get capitalized.

Posted 2010-11-04T03:26:19+01:00
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "Alright, get in the basket"

Funny(19)
Comment by Anonymous

hahahahahahahahahahhahahahaahahahahahhahahhahahahahahahahahah

Comment by Anonymous

u copied jeff dunham. walter says it on 1 of the specials

Posted 2012-01-03T05:32:53+01:00
Maybe if we over-paid our teachers and under-paid our Pop artists there would better education and less bad music.

Win(8)
Comment by Anonymous

but you just said that over paying will make people crappier at their job….

Comment by Anonymous

lol @the comments below

Comment by Anonymous

As a bacon hoarder nipple puller, anal lovin chest crushing fugly nanny, i agree.

Comment by Anonymous

As chuck Norris, i agree too.

Comment by Anonymous

As a monkey f**king tour guide I agree too.

Comment by Anonymous

As a Hispanic Nunchuck Nipple Grabbing Jack Beaver Thief I can say i agree somewhat...

Comment by Anonymous

As an unemployed Musician...I disagree. No, wait....

Comment by Anonymous

As an illiterate truckdriver... what the fuck are y'all takin' about!?!

Comment by Anonymous

As a chronic masturbater I would agree too.

Comment by Anonymous

As a Mormon Blacksmith I agree too

Comment by Anonymous

As a Tranny bicycle thief I agree too

Comment by Anonymous

As a Tranny bicycle thief I agree too

Comment by Anonymous

Has nothing to do with how much the teachers are paid. The education system sucks and is a complete joke.

Comment by Anonymous

As a person that lived through the whole Rebecca Black weekend I agree too

Comment by Anonymous

As a grandpa I completely agree too.

Comment by Anonymous

As a parent I completely agree.

Comment by Anonymous

Get over yourself grandma.

Posted 2011-11-12T11:09:23+01:00
1 universe, 8 planets, 204 countries, 804 islands, 7 seas, 7 billion people and my heart still tells me it's you.

Win(12)
Comment by Anonymous

Jumping from universe to planet is like going from buffet to crumb....there's no much stuff on the buffet

Comment by Anonymous

Its funny, cause if you correctly search, its 196 countries. or 195 if you dont count Taiwan, cause most of the U.N. recognize it as a break away province from china. You stupid Suthernf**k.

Comment by Swampsilly

All you really needed to say was the 7 billion people. I can't imagine anyone falling in love with an island...

Comment by Anonymous

There are over 7 million 258 thousand (7,258,000) Llamas on Earth today

Comment by Anonymous

LOVE THIS !!!!!!!!!!

Comment by Anonymous

I don't need your fairy condolences … and please stay single … women deserve better

Comment by Anonymous

Why does it have to be a man that wrote this?

Comment by Anonymous

You have a wife? I'm sorry for your loss. My condolences.

Comment by Anonymous

Being a gentleman is not being whipped it's more manly than acting like a dick, perhaps you boys could learn something from a man as I am sure your father was not there to teach you or he was just a bad parent that raised a piece of scum.

Comment by Anonymous

this guy may be whipped but he has 59 likes right now and a chick. All you haters have probly never opened a door for a woman. He knows what hes doing leave it.

Comment by Anonymous

Oh shut the f**k up and accept the post for what it is... i got the extra goodies last night for texting this to my wife... good enough

Comment by Anonymous

Sci-fi Quote of the Day

Comment by Anonymous

You do realize 1 universe has like gazzlion plants and still evolving right........universe is never ending and there is always new planets forming and obviously there's millions of life forms out there we don't have the technology to find.

Comment by Anonymous

If this is a guy writing this which i hope its not, you pussy whipped...

Comment by Anonymous

Just like the planet, no human has ever been NEAR my anus, unless you're offering.

Comment by Anonymous

hahahahahaha.... uranus...

Comment by Anonymous

I thought this was cute

Comment by Anonymous

7 billion people and you're the biggest fucking pussy of them all.

Comment by Anonymous

That's a lot of islands up for grabs

Comment by Anonymous

I'm having one with uranus.

Comment by Anonymous

I'm having an affair with Pluto.

Posted 2011-06-25T10:49:27+02:00
"I wasn't that drunk!" "Dude, you held up my cat in the air and started singing The Circle of Life!"

Epic(11)
Comment by Anonymous

This isn't texts from last night dumbass.

Comment by Anonymous

I do that... Sober. Im hoping my kitten will learn to roar.

Comment by Anonymous

Rubbing my forehead! Lol!!!! ;)

Posted by Official2faces 2012-06-28T22:12:00+02:00
Whoever snuck the s in "fast food" is a clever little bastard.

Funny(19)
Comment by Anonymous

V below me....really?

Comment by Anonymous

I don't get it

Comment by Anonymous

No. Noooo. Wrong! Fast food does in fact make you fat. People who exercise don't generally eat fast food often. Soooo...no.

Comment by Anonymous

Fast food doesn't make you fat. Being lazy and not exercising does.

Posted by Leah6666 2012-03-15T14:32:07+01:00
I love how people bitch on here about stealing a status from a website or a person. Like, WTF are you doing on Status-Stalker anyway? Im pretty sure your here to steal a status.

Epic(9)
Comment by Anonymous

ALL YOU FUCKERS NEED TO GET A FUCKING LIFE! IF YOU'RE SO UPSET ABOUT PEOPLE TAKING STATUSES, THEN STOP POSTING SHIT FOR PEOPLE TO STEAL. JEEZ ALL YOU FUCKERS ARE SO STUPID.

Comment by Anonymous

Shut up, almost every status has been stole by me.

Comment by Anonymous

Don't listen to them, they're haters, obviously because your at over a 100 likes. Hate hate hate hate... Enjoying your hateraid fuckers?

Comment by Anonymous

shes got a point

Comment by Anonymous

Leah. Why do you think because you post a string of quotes for a few weeks do you feel that you are some queen bee on this site. You have this sense of entitlement that is unjustly earned. Get off your high horse and stop thinking your opinion matters, you are not as cool as you think you are..

Comment by Anonymous

Ah, you must be related to Suthernfkr, lmao!!!!

Comment by Leah6666

U all are mad cuz u know its true. loooooooserssssssss

Comment by Anonymous

Im actually im not fat, and u wish u could have me f**kface....

Comment by Anonymous

Shut up Skank nobody likes you either, why dont you lose some weight fatty, because yes.. we are all sure that both of you women are fat as f**k. :) My argument = win

Comment by Anonymous

Nanny-nanny-poo-poo!

Comment by Thatflgirl

Okay, all you "Anonymous" posters saying stupid shit about someone you don't even know, need to STFU, get out of your mom's basement, and get a life. Leah is speakin' the truth here... we're ALL here stealin' statuses.... so quit your name-calling and grow up.

Comment by Anonymous

FUCKING CUNTS!

Comment by Anonymous

VVV Agree with the guy below me, Leah6666 is a dirty skank.

Comment by Anonymous

shut up whore.

Comment by Anonymous

Yup it's what I do when I can't think of something original. I'll be damned if you ever whining about my personal life on FB

Posted 2011-02-15T06:45:49+01:00
Whenever I meet a new girl, I introduce myself by shaking hands with my left hand. I don't want her to meet her competition right away

Epic(22)
Comment by Voodoochild

Hahaha hilarious

Posted 2011-12-09T00:31:34+01:00
My new party trick.. I swallow two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my ass tied together..... I shit you knot."

Epic(10)
Comment by Anonymous

wow... amazing!

Posted 2011-01-07T23:33:57+01:00
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I'm typing this with my middle finger

Epic(13)
Posted 2012-03-03T07:56:36+01:00
My best guy friend ask me if there was a website with funny status's and I wanted to tell him about this one but then he would know I'm not really as funny as he thought!

Epic(13)
Comment by Anonymous

or he could already know about it and was just wondering if you told the truth!! Either way it was a funny post I have had friends ask me the same thing too, and I say "uhmmm no sry cann't help!" ..lol

Posted 2012-02-19T22:34:52+01:00
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.

Epic(8)
Posted by Suthernfukr 2012-03-04T16:00:28+01:00
This chick I met last week says she wants a guy who is 'funny and spontaneous', yet when I tap on the kitchen window uninvited late at night dressed as a clown it's all panic and screaming.

Epic(11)
Comment by Anonymous

Toss my salad.

Comment by Anonymous

I dont care if he got it from somwhere else.. thanks for sharing suthernfukr :)

Comment by Anonymous

When does the narwhale bacon?

Comment by Anonymous

IMA FIRIN MAH LAZER!!!

Comment by Anonymous

MASH POTATOES!!!

Comment by Anonymous

Who cares where it's from ... Shit's Hilarious

Comment by Anonymous

Suthernfukr <3's COCK IN HIS ASS!

Comment by Suthernfukr

If you notice most of these posts are from some other site. Fuckin' Troll.

Comment by Suthernfukr

UH...never been to that site.

Comment by Anonymous

He got this off of memebase/reddit.

Comment by Anonymous

Not bad for a suthrnfukr

Posted 2012-08-14T18:54:26+02:00
I always hear people say that a dog is man's best friend, but I don't even have enemies who'll look me dead in my face while taking a shit on my carpet.

Epic(22)
Comment by Vicklawl

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Comment by Anonymous

WHO GIVES A FUCK IF IT'S "OLD!!!!!!" Man DAMN, you deplorable assholes get a life and stop saying "old"

Comment by Anonymous

saying its "old " is old

Posted 2011-03-08T15:23:17+01:00
The moment someone tells you that you're not good enough is the moment you know you're better than them.

Epic(18)
Posted 2011-02-27T19:53:01+01:00
Maybe you should eat make-up so you can be pretty on the inside.

Epic(11)
Posted 2012-01-28T08:45:18+01:00
Be careful who you call friends. I'd rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.

Epic(11)
Posted 2011-04-25T02:18:21+02:00
You can't hum while holding your nose. Try it.

Funny(10)
Comment by Anonymous

SURE you can just hum with your mouth open... DUMBASS!.. lol

Comment by Anonymous

i did it it just didnt sound like humming 0.o

Comment by Anonymous

i did but i sounded super dumb(:

Comment by Anonymous

@Dreadnought LMAOOOO

Comment by Dreadnought

You can't fart while a finger in your butt. Try it:)

Comment by Anonymous

well looks like 56 other people liked this so who gives a f**k what you think

Comment by Anonymous

No humor in it at all. Just facts and f**ktardedness!

Comment by Anonymous

the humor is you believe it dumbass!

Comment by Anonymous

i dont see any humor in this one at all


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