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Posted 2012-01-14T04:13:11+01:00
"Mommy! There's a monster under my bed!" "That's silly. There's no mOH GOD! IT'S TEARING MY ARM! Kidding. He only eats kids. Goodnight."

Epic(13)
Posted 2011-09-19T11:39:05+02:00
I bought condoms & the cashier said do you need a bag? I replied "No she isn't that ugly".

Epic(11)
Comment by Anonymous

Ummm... I think we ALL steal theses statuses.... Duhhhhh!!!

Comment by Anonymous

Hey um thanks for whining like a little Bitch! No one gives a f**k if its your status! Foolish mortal

Comment by Anonymous

vvv he got you there buddy

Comment by Anonymous

It is called status stalker....looks like you were stalked dude!

Comment by Anonymous

Thanks for stealing my status - ImThatFunnyGuy.

Posted 2011-10-09T16:12:57+02:00
This is not Facebook, what book? Slutbook? They need to call this F*ckbook. Picture lookin good, but in person. . . . Yuckbook. Hellbook, Tellbook, bitches can't Spellbook. Hate behind your back, but in person wish you Wellbook. Glitchbook, Snitchbook, fake family Listbook. Posting on her page, this is trying to steal your Bitchbook. Rudebook, Feudbook, tell your every Movebook. Don't even need a t.v. this shit is Newsbook.

Epic(14)
Comment by Anonymous

Stole this from me... I did this rap..THIEF!!!

Comment by Anonymous

Kickin it gbook style

Comment by Anonymous

CHEA!!! best rap about facebook

Posted 2010-10-29T05:19:41+02:00
just read that burglars use Facebook to see when people aren't home. So from now on, I'm at home. With a rifle. And a hungry crocodile

Funny(17)
Comment by Anonymous

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA :) I see you b***h

Comment by Anonymous

So your status message should read: Come by for a window game of peek-ah-POW!

Posted 2013-02-06T22:15:07+01:00
In my next life I want to live my life backwards. You start out dead and get that out of the way. Then you wake up in an old people's home feeling better every day. You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, and then when you start work, you get a gold watch and a party on your first day. You work for 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You party, drink alcohol, and are generally promiscuous, then you are ready for high school. You then go to primary school, you become a kid, you play. You have no responsibilities, you become a baby until you are born. And then you spend your last 9 months floating in luxurious spa-like conditions with central heating and room service on tap, larger quarters every day and then Voila! You finish off as an orgasm!

Epic(21)
Comment by Anonymous

If people only posted their own jokes on here, there would only be two things a day. Keep 'em coming, I don't care who wrote them! To that guy that can't spell down there, pull up your damn pants!

Comment by Anonymous

Actually....Woody Allen

Comment by Anonymous

George Carlin and I've seen it all over the internet for years...nice try homo

Comment by Anonymous

--George Carlin

Comment by Anonymous

old like ur mom and before you say I can't spell please ask if anyone gives a fuck

Comment by Anonymous

Hahaha, love it!!! What a wonderful life!

Posted 2010-11-17T21:17:16+01:00
I renamed all my files "the world," so everyday when I "save" the world I feel important.

Funny(14)
Comment by Anonymous

haha for the comment above!

Comment by Anonymous

What if you lost "the world"? :o

Posted 2012-06-25T02:17:32+02:00
I'm writing this from the hospital. Don't worry! The doctors say I'm going to be OK but I must warn you. The Dyson Ball Cleaner has a very misleading name!

Epic(25)
Posted 2010-10-24T20:00:11+02:00
If tomatoes are classed as a fruit, then doesn't that mean that ketchup is technically a smoothie?

Win(14)
Comment by Anonymous

I never thought of it that way.

Comment by Anonymous

still funny and insightful

Comment by Anonymous

Smoothies have ice?

Comment by Anonymous

you just blew my mind

Posted by Boschboy 2011-03-05T22:08:04+01:00
Move over Weight Watchers, there is a new way to lose weight...It's the "I can't afford to buy groceries to feed myself because I just filled my gas tank" diet.

Epic(16)
Comment by Bobloco

So true! Between child support and gas I'm lookin pretty good!

Comment by Anonymous

What kinda jackass would not like this!?

Posted 2012-06-29T21:12:23+02:00
I regret every fart I ever held in for you.

Funny(19)
Posted 2011-10-27T01:19:01+02:00
For Halloween I'm going to write "Life" on a plain white T-shirt and hand out lemons to strangers

Epic(9)
Comment by Anonymous

Love this <3 haha nice

Comment by Anonymous

f**k me in the pussy

Comment by Anonymous

or squeeze the juice in their eyes

Comment by Anonymous

Ha ha do u know how much 1 lemon costs!!!

Comment by Anonymous

Damn the guy below is right

Comment by Anonymous

in this economy lemons cost too much to hand out!

Posted 2010-09-14T03:54:38+02:00
Grammar is important! Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your Uncle jack off a horse

Funny(19)
Comment by Anonymous

why wouldn't it be an uncle is a noun is it not?

Comment by Anonymous

yeah... whose the joke ruiner ?

Comment by Anonymous

read it properly.. capitalization = using capital letters.. it's funny

Comment by Anonymous

That is funny and then i read the comment and it ruins it all and no one cares if uncle shouldn't be capitalized!!! lol

Comment by Anonymous

"Uncle" doesn't get capitalized.

Posted 2012-05-07T04:18:49+02:00
I believe in karma That means I can do bad things to people I don't like and assume they deserved it .

Funny(35)
Comment by Anonymous

As much as I believe in treating people kindly, no matter what, this status is fuckin' hilarious/gold. : )

Posted 2011-05-29T23:30:43+02:00
That awkward moment when you're at a red light & you look at the person next to you & they're already looking at you.

Funny(18)
Comment by Anonymous

Happens to me all the time.. just done look away first or you lose

Comment by Anonymous

it's time to flash that million dollar smile....that's what it is...

Posted 2011-06-25T10:49:27+02:00
"I wasn't that drunk!" "Dude, you held up my cat in the air and started singing The Circle of Life!"

Epic(11)
Comment by Anonymous

This isn't texts from last night dumbass.

Comment by Anonymous

I do that... Sober. Im hoping my kitten will learn to roar.

Comment by Anonymous

Rubbing my forehead! Lol!!!! ;)

Posted by Leah6666 2012-03-15T14:32:07+01:00
I love how people bitch on here about stealing a status from a website or a person. Like, WTF are you doing on Status-Stalker anyway? Im pretty sure your here to steal a status.

Epic(9)
Comment by Anonymous

ALL YOU FUCKERS NEED TO GET A FUCKING LIFE! IF YOU'RE SO UPSET ABOUT PEOPLE TAKING STATUSES, THEN STOP POSTING SHIT FOR PEOPLE TO STEAL. JEEZ ALL YOU FUCKERS ARE SO STUPID.

Comment by Anonymous

Shut up, almost every status has been stole by me.

Comment by Anonymous

Don't listen to them, they're haters, obviously because your at over a 100 likes. Hate hate hate hate... Enjoying your hateraid fuckers?

Comment by Anonymous

shes got a point

Comment by Anonymous

Leah. Why do you think because you post a string of quotes for a few weeks do you feel that you are some queen bee on this site. You have this sense of entitlement that is unjustly earned. Get off your high horse and stop thinking your opinion matters, you are not as cool as you think you are..

Comment by Anonymous

Ah, you must be related to Suthernfkr, lmao!!!!

Comment by Leah6666

U all are mad cuz u know its true. loooooooserssssssss

Comment by Anonymous

Im actually im not fat, and u wish u could have me f**kface....

Comment by Anonymous

Shut up Skank nobody likes you either, why dont you lose some weight fatty, because yes.. we are all sure that both of you women are fat as f**k. :) My argument = win

Comment by Anonymous

Nanny-nanny-poo-poo!

Comment by Thatflgirl

Okay, all you "Anonymous" posters saying stupid shit about someone you don't even know, need to STFU, get out of your mom's basement, and get a life. Leah is speakin' the truth here... we're ALL here stealin' statuses.... so quit your name-calling and grow up.

Comment by Anonymous

FUCKING CUNTS!

Comment by Anonymous

VVV Agree with the guy below me, Leah6666 is a dirty skank.

Comment by Anonymous

shut up whore.

Comment by Anonymous

Yup it's what I do when I can't think of something original. I'll be damned if you ever whining about my personal life on FB

Posted 2010-11-04T03:26:19+01:00
I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "Alright, get in the basket"

Funny(19)
Comment by Anonymous

hahahahahahahahahahhahahahaahahahahahhahahhahahahahahahahahah

Comment by Anonymous

u copied jeff dunham. walter says it on 1 of the specials

Posted 2012-01-03T05:32:53+01:00
Maybe if we over-paid our teachers and under-paid our Pop artists there would better education and less bad music.

Win(8)
Comment by Anonymous

but you just said that over paying will make people crappier at their job….

Comment by Anonymous

lol @the comments below

Comment by Anonymous

As a bacon hoarder nipple puller, anal lovin chest crushing fugly nanny, i agree.

Comment by Anonymous

As chuck Norris, i agree too.

Comment by Anonymous

As a monkey f**king tour guide I agree too.

Comment by Anonymous

As a Hispanic Nunchuck Nipple Grabbing Jack Beaver Thief I can say i agree somewhat...

Comment by Anonymous

As an unemployed Musician...I disagree. No, wait....

Comment by Anonymous

As an illiterate truckdriver... what the fuck are y'all takin' about!?!

Comment by Anonymous

As a chronic masturbater I would agree too.

Comment by Anonymous

As a Mormon Blacksmith I agree too

Comment by Anonymous

As a Tranny bicycle thief I agree too

Comment by Anonymous

As a Tranny bicycle thief I agree too

Comment by Anonymous

Has nothing to do with how much the teachers are paid. The education system sucks and is a complete joke.

Comment by Anonymous

As a person that lived through the whole Rebecca Black weekend I agree too

Comment by Anonymous

As a grandpa I completely agree too.

Comment by Anonymous

As a parent I completely agree.

Comment by Anonymous

Get over yourself grandma.

Posted 2011-11-12T11:09:23+01:00
1 universe, 8 planets, 204 countries, 804 islands, 7 seas, 7 billion people and my heart still tells me it's you.

Win(12)
Comment by Anonymous

Jumping from universe to planet is like going from buffet to crumb....there's no much stuff on the buffet

Comment by Anonymous

Its funny, cause if you correctly search, its 196 countries. or 195 if you dont count Taiwan, cause most of the U.N. recognize it as a break away province from china. You stupid Suthernf**k.

Comment by Swampsilly

All you really needed to say was the 7 billion people. I can't imagine anyone falling in love with an island...

Comment by Anonymous

There are over 7 million 258 thousand (7,258,000) Llamas on Earth today

Comment by Anonymous

LOVE THIS !!!!!!!!!!

Comment by Anonymous

I don't need your fairy condolences … and please stay single … women deserve better

Comment by Anonymous

Why does it have to be a man that wrote this?

Comment by Anonymous

You have a wife? I'm sorry for your loss. My condolences.

Comment by Anonymous

Being a gentleman is not being whipped it's more manly than acting like a dick, perhaps you boys could learn something from a man as I am sure your father was not there to teach you or he was just a bad parent that raised a piece of scum.

Comment by Anonymous

this guy may be whipped but he has 59 likes right now and a chick. All you haters have probly never opened a door for a woman. He knows what hes doing leave it.

Comment by Anonymous

Oh shut the f**k up and accept the post for what it is... i got the extra goodies last night for texting this to my wife... good enough

Comment by Anonymous

Sci-fi Quote of the Day

Comment by Anonymous

You do realize 1 universe has like gazzlion plants and still evolving right........universe is never ending and there is always new planets forming and obviously there's millions of life forms out there we don't have the technology to find.

Comment by Anonymous

If this is a guy writing this which i hope its not, you pussy whipped...

Comment by Anonymous

Just like the planet, no human has ever been NEAR my anus, unless you're offering.

Comment by Anonymous

hahahahahaha.... uranus...

Comment by Anonymous

I thought this was cute

Comment by Anonymous

7 billion people and you're the biggest fucking pussy of them all.

Comment by Anonymous

That's a lot of islands up for grabs

Comment by Anonymous

I'm having one with uranus.

Comment by Anonymous

I'm having an affair with Pluto.

Posted 2011-02-15T06:45:49+01:00
Whenever I meet a new girl, I introduce myself by shaking hands with my left hand. I don't want her to meet her competition right away

Epic(22)
Comment by Voodoochild

Hahaha hilarious


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