Share

Posted 2010-10-27T21:47:01+02:00
Happiness is a cop car turning his lights on behind you and immediately going past you.

Funny(11)
Comment by Anonymous

More relief than an aspirin

Posted 2012-07-22T07:21:31+02:00
Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers, if you do find one what' s the plan?

Funny(30)
Posted 2010-10-30T07:58:51+02:00
Halloween isn't really that different than any other day.. everyone's still pretending to be someone or something their not.

Epic(24)
Comment by Anonymous

how very true sad, but true

Posted 2013-05-06T22:52:26+02:00
My roommate is on a date and said he's convinced she's coming home with him tonight. I've covered his room in Justin Bieber posters. Now we wait.

Epic(9)
Comment by Anonymous

Should've covered it in 1d posters,,,,,

Posted 2013-01-21T21:10:46+01:00
Mitt Romney spent the day in a tux just in case people came to their senses.

Epic(12)
Comment by Anonymous

How uneducated ppl are is hilarious obama is hands down best president we ever had...keep complaining about welfare when ppl on welfare get 220 dollars a month..go to school.and read...republicans steal more money than anyone

Comment by Anonymous

Guy is the worst. ..repuplicans are either dumb hillbillies or rich. ..watch the news and not faux news...retard

Comment by Anonymous

If this is a bad status, then how come it has 11 'epic' ratings?

Comment by Anonymous

v I have stools with more intelligence than your president. I didn't pull 90% out of my ass. Look at liberal states and cities where his followers are and research the unemployment rate there, as well as how many people are collecting "guvment cheese." But that's another thing about Obama supporters, even too lazy to look shit up. It's no wonder they don't have jobs.

Comment by Anonymous

vvv hey angry white man with small penis. butthurt much? since you pulled "90%" out of your ass, you should pull the rifle and anal beads out too. face it. you stuck with an intelligent black man in the Oval Office for another 4 years. buy your lube in bulk. or ask your mom.

Comment by Anonymous

v Funny coming from an Obama supporter. 90% of his followers don't have jobs and YOU want to tell someone to get a life? Eat shit, faggot.

Comment by Anonymous

Obama won f**k tards. Get a life.

Comment by Anonymous

Uneducated black and hispanics people on welfare voted for Obama

Comment by Anonymous

*gotta*= got to *soar* = sore you're a fucktard

Comment by Anonymous

Gotta love a soar loser

Comment by Anonymous

i like turtles

Comment by Anonymous

Face it white people you lost again!

Comment by Anonymous

Lets make a new drinking game. Take a shot everytime obama spends a billion dollars on bullshit we don't fucking need. You will get fucking wasted

Comment by Anonymous

The post below mine... Dude, you fucking rock. I have said that from the beginning. I live in Massachusetts. He's a douche.

Comment by Anonymous

yeah lets elect the guy who destroyed Massachusetts Economy f**kin idiots

Comment by Anonymous

LMFAO, yeah right !

Posted 2012-10-05T05:42:09+02:00
Status stalker needs a thumbs up and a thumbs down for the comments also. Thumbs up if you agree

Win(6)
Comment by Anonymous

Sex, Suck, Lick, Rub, FUCK

Comment by Anonymous

Dude hell yes, I really like that comment about footwear in my anus.

Comment by Anonymous

Make sure and Lube it up cuz I like sneakers up my ass.

Comment by Anonymous

my sneaker ... up your ass

Comment by Anonymous

my sneaker ... up your ass

Posted 2012-04-27T21:07:07+02:00
Two cars crashed into each other in Mexico. 57 Dead.

Epic(14)
Comment by Anonymous

what do you call a short mexican? a paragraph because he isnt an essay

Comment by Anonymous

is this for real?

Comment by Anonymous

Kim kardashians seen more black cock than a KFC urnial. I know Dnator15 and these r the jokes that don't get posted the text message signature one is mine and it is funny

Comment by Dnator15

hhahaahahah guy below epic

Comment by Anonymous

The thing with Mexican and blÄ…ck jokes once you've heard Juan you've heard jamal!

Posted 2011-03-27T14:37:05+02:00
SAD NEWS - Please join me in remembering YET ANOTHER great icon of the entertainment community. The Pillsbury Dough Boy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 71. Dough Boy is survived by his wife Play Dough, three children, John Dough, Jane Dough, and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the Oven. Services were held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

Funny(9)
Comment by Yogi

I don't care if it's old or not! I still thought it was funny. :-)

Comment by Anonymous

Wow. So much hostility just because someone pointed out that this is an old joke! It IS old, but still funny. Relax- look at all the people that clicked like.

Comment by Anonymous

Go f**k yourself with the old remark....

Comment by Anonymous

well crafted..

Posted 2010-11-16T16:52:48+01:00
I wish I could google the things I've misplaced.

Funny(13)
Posted 2014-01-17T20:12:20+01:00
That awesome moment when the status you stole gets more likes on FB than it did on here

Funny(6)
Comment by Anonymous

You steal statuses from this website? Haha, loser.

Posted 2011-11-28T04:38:53+01:00
Facebook does not need a "Meh" button.

Funny(10)
Posted 2011-05-06T21:06:29+02:00
Osama Bin Laden is standing before God waiting to hear his punishment, when God gets a tap on the shoulder. Behind him stands 343 Firemen, 72 police officers, 1 K9 officer, 3,000 American citizens & over 5,000 soldiers. "Don't worry God we got this ****!!!!!

Epic(18)
Comment by Anonymous

Only God knows the truth on what happen on 9/11. I believe it was a false flag to go to war. Americans killed Americans for money.

Comment by Anonymous

this post is gay as f**k? yeah lets be real now

Comment by Anonymous

It specifically states "waiting to hear his punishment"....get a glove...get in the game!

Comment by Anonymous

that is freakin awesome!

Comment by Anonymous

who ever didnt like this post is an asshole....

Comment by Anonymous

I don't think they mean he went to heaven. Everyone stands before god to hear their punishment for what they have done then they are sent to Hell.

Comment by Lamp

You really think he died and went to Heaven? I think he took the elevator downstairs.

Posted 2012-09-11T20:05:05+02:00
I will never forget where I was that day eleven years ago, let none of us forget it and may the souls who perished that day rest in peace. Never forget 09/11/01

Epic(7)
Comment by Anonymous

Piece if shit country? And you call us land of the idiots, learn the language f**ktard.

Comment by Anonymous

dont forget the pentagon was hit by a missile, not a plane. And you are all idiots. Bunch of keyboard warriors

Comment by Anonymous

Bout time you pricks got a taste of your own medicine.... piece if shit country land of the idiots indeed

Comment by Anonymous

First of all, I'd like to know what a cow c**t is? and second of all, I just went through and read all of the comments, some of them were really sad, and im sure some of the people who said 9/11 was stupid will say this is stupid, but hey freedom of speech right? I'm 15, i was 4 when that happened, and I remember what happened for me tha day, it was terrible, so many people lost loved ones, so many people were scarred for life in one way or another, ill never grow up and see the twin towers, neither will generations after us, but the memory still live on, its hard sometimes though, knowing that people have to do this to eachother, lets not blame it on people tho, thats just stupid and immature, sure Bush wasnt a very helpful president, but truthfully what president did anyone actually tink was good once he got into office?minus the ones who got killed. Anyways, its horrible hat happened to the world on september 11 2001, the twin towers, the pentagon, and all the other places, I hope the children that lost loved ones can find strength, and that people on this post will stop fighting and being melicious towards eachother. Its hurtful to everyone, and noone needs it, rlly? why do you do it?

Comment by Anonymous

FUCK ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL U FUCKIN COW CUNTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK 9/11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I THROW A FUCKIN PARTY ON EVERY 9/11!!!!!!!!! AND THA PARTY LOCATION IS ALWAYS IN THE PERSON THAT POSTED A COMMENT ABOVE MINE'S, MOUTH...AND EVERYBODY'S CUMMIN"!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! FUCK YOU VERY MUCH!!

Comment by Anonymous

I knew it!!!!!!!!! no wonder that guy below me was such a douche

Comment by Anonymous

Never Forget those 2,977 who died today. Also....try not to forget the 4,486 who have died since invading the wrong country because of it. I am goin to keep posting this until people hear me!!!!! also i like to lick floppy donkey dick

Comment by Anonymous

America will never ever ever say that. Besides if half the things bush did in his term got exposed, people wouldn't really pay much attention to 9/11....sorry. and yes, i did have family die in the fucking building, just know how to man the fuck up and move on. I can also take a realistic approach and not act like a little bitch every time it gets brought up. What would you say if i told you that 90% of terrorist attacks were brought on by our own nation into scaring us. ....stop reading mass media bull shit news and go read a fucking book on history or something beneficial

Comment by Anonymous

If you "lost your brother" that day... I highly doubt you would wanna forget it. You're just bitter and can't accept that we were attacked on our home soil.

Comment by Anonymous

I wonder when America is gonna come out and say they are behind 9-11 :?

Comment by Anonymous

Never Forget those 2,977 who died today. Also....try not to forget the 4,486 who have died since invading the wrong country because of it. I posted this again because of that cocksucker below me...suck my dick asshole

Comment by Anonymous

stupid people dont care about the truth, which explains why you commented on this again, eat shit and die you dumb son of a bitch

Comment by Anonymous

no, you said it twice because your an obvious narcissist and no one cared about it when you posted it in the first place. i hope you choke on a goats dick and die a painful death. i said good day sir!!

Comment by Anonymous

Thats Mr Cocksucker to you bitch

Comment by Anonymous

Cocksucker i posted that twice because it needed to be said again. Go FUCK yourself

Comment by Anonymous

Let's not forget the holocaust which lost millions!

Comment by Anonymous

YOU remember that shet...me, I'd rather forget about that fuct up day I lost my brother!! FUCK 9/11 and BUSH'S DUMB FUCKIN ASSSSSSS!!!

Comment by Anonymous

Never should have happened if the American government weren't greedy little bastards.

Comment by Anonymous

the coment below mine was already posted before....and your still a douche

Comment by Anonymous

Never Forget those 2,977 who died today. Also....try not to forget the 4,486 who have died since invading the wrong country because of it.

Comment by Anonymous

The dislikes are from the people who know what this site is about! Gtfo,

Comment by Anonymous

That's okay, I've done the same thing before. ;)

Comment by Anonymous

I was going to click the comments and accidently hit the dislike button so -1 from the dislike and 1 for the thumbs up.

Comment by Anonymous

LIKE x100000000000

Comment by Anonymous

I'll never forget the victims of the horrible blowback

Comment by Anonymous

so many disrespectful people out there about 9/11. Sickens me, at least this status is good. Yeah, we say it every year because it was an awful awful thing that changed our lives and futures forever. you probably were still shitting in your pants as a baby when it happened last commenter.

Comment by Anonymous

The people who dislike this are sick.

Comment by Anonymous

we will never forget since we say every year

Posted 2012-02-28T23:13:08+01:00
If you put a finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Pacman.

Funny(13)
Comment by Anonymous

AWESOME!!!! LOL!!!

Comment by Anonymous

Sometimes I wonder how I could possibly share the same interest with people who leave comments like those before me. Making the world a better place one day at a time you are. What a waste of human society.

Comment by Nataliee254

So many negative people on here seriously insecure much? lol this is all in fun chill people.

Comment by Anonymous

No we don't fuck you.

Comment by Anonymous

You people must have some serious wax in your ears!

Comment by Sexpistol

Who you trying to impress?

Comment by Anonymous

I didn't believe this at first but after I did it I was like "Wow!! Cool!!" Then I got my friends to do it too!!! Hahahahahah!

Comment by Anonymous

I want to suck Pacman's dick.

Comment by Bobloco

And if you lick it it tastes like his........?

Comment by Anonymous

if you stick your finger in your ass and scratch, you can get an anal infection

Comment by Anonymous

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

Comment by Anonymous

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

Comment by Anonymous

holy shit ... well I guess I know choice but to thumbs up

Posted by Dobermom 2011-04-04T23:45:51+02:00
Have you ever ran into a spider web and suddenly turned into a ninja?

Funny(15)
Comment by Anonymous

haha oodles of times! especially in the summer!

Posted by Dobermom 2011-06-19T05:52:35+02:00
If you didn't see it with your own eyes or hear it with your own ears, don't think it with your small mind & spread it with your big mouth!!

Epic(12)
Comment by Anonymous

The ones who didn't thumbs up this one, are the ones that spread things.

Posted by Suthernfukr 2011-12-22T17:23:49+01:00
Don't act like you never waddled across the house to get a new roll of toilet paper with your pants around your ankles.

Win(4)
Comment by Anonymous

One of the sites I suspect could be funtweets.com. Sometimes there's stuff there that's later posted here.

Comment by Anonymous

yea whats his site so i can post them before him lmao

Comment by Anonymous

do u guys want to know the site he get these statuses from?

Comment by Anonymous

Dude...You are my favorite guy on this site...

Comment by Anonymous

I don't even have real balls and I put this shit as my status... it's hilarious, ya pussy!

Comment by Aagriffey

Once again u rock!! So funny

Comment by Anonymous

funny but i dont think i would have the balls to post this as my status

Comment by Anonymous

funny but i dont think i would have the balls to post this as my status

Posted 2011-12-05T01:47:09+01:00
"People should just mind their own business," probably the funniest thing I've ever read on a social networking site.

Funny(8)
Posted by Dobermom 2011-06-06T02:23:18+02:00
A police officer came up to me yesterday and said, "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "Kindergarten."

Funny(10)
Posted 2011-05-05T06:11:25+02:00
Dear FB Friends/Family: You can't find out who saw your profile. You won't see what you'll look like in the future. You won't know what that man saw when he walked in on his daughter. There are no free IPads. And you can't see the video of Osama's death... Not on Facebook. Please stop clicking the spam links and exposing yourself and friends to virus risks!

Epic(13)
Comment by Anonymous

Lmao comment one! Probably so!

Comment by Anonymous

I made this my status today!!! HA! Good one

Comment by Anonymous

People who have to be told this are idiots.

Comment by Anonymous

The One Who Disliked This Is The One Putting Viruses On Your Computer! Ha


Total Number of Statuses:25616

Status Stalker Login

Want to post a funny status? Well login isn't required but if you register and login you will have access to all the extra features status stalker has to offer.

Username:
Password:
Forgot Password?

Stalker Map

Facebook Addict Intervention Parody