Funny Epic Win Get A Life Fail Share
The more routine our lives become, the more important it is to have things we are passionate about. It keeps us from going insane.
Happiness can't buy you money.
They have security settings on facebook. Now all they need is an insecurity setting and you'll be all set.
Sometimes I feel as though my life should be documented for future generations.
I want a Times New Roman on the streets but a Wingdings in the sheets
Got up on the wrong side of the bed today. Not figuratively, literally. Almost fell out the window.
Just read where the creator of Red Bull died. It was the first time anyone saw him sleep.
I replied to your event invites with "maybe" because there wasn't a box for "I haven't seen you since high school, leave me alone."
Love is not blind, it sees but it does not mind.
I'll never forget the first time we met -- although, I'll keep trying.
If I'd known our TV viewing habits were so incompatible, I never would have let things go so far.
Note to self: Don't taunt the neighbor's bull dog while wearing flip flops.
Throwing a lamp at someone who needs to lighten up
I pride myself on being witty, humble and totally awesome.
Clothes are for people with something to hide.
Don't get married bro, just find someone you really hate.. And buy her a house..
I don't get these "my body is a temple" people. I prefer to think of mine as a "bar & grill."
There's nothing worse than wanting a drink because the world sucks, but you can't because you have to be up early to do stuff that sucks.
Ignorance isn't bliss when it's someone else's.
Your problems are like your panties. I don't have time to deal with either, so let's just push them both to the side and have some fun.
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