Posted 2013-01-10T04:07:49+01:00
If I'm ever on life support unplug me and then plug me back in again and see if that works.

Posted 2012-11-29T21:02:41+01:00
I just found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in my mom's bedroom. I can't believe it.. She's a superhero!

Comment by Anonymous

I'm gonna need those back.

Comment by Anonymous

Put those back!! She needs them to fight the giant snake tonight.

Posted by Leah6666 2012-10-06T15:01:07+02:00
They say "confidence" is the most attractive quality in a partner. But I'd have to say, "not banging my friends" would be a very close 2nd.

Comment by Anonymous

v ...You obviously are to young to be on here. Get off!

Comment by Anonymous

i dont get it :D sorry ... can someone explain

Posted 2012-08-30T20:52:14+02:00
Jersey Shore just got cancelled. Clearly an act of God. Your move, atheists.

Comment by Anonymous

This is gold !!!

Comment by Anonymous

Idc who you are. this is f**king awesome

Comment by Anonymous

This was chatty chuck Norris

Posted 2012-07-25T06:43:52+02:00
Too few people spontaneously combust.

Posted 2012-04-12T20:52:21+02:00
Tell someone you love them today, because life is short. But SHOUT it at them in German, because life is also terrifying and confusing.

Comment by Anonymous

ICH LIEBE DICH!!!! Yeah, that would be kinda terrifying. : )

Posted 2012-03-17T09:33:00+01:00
Live today like it's your last. But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn't.

Posted 2011-11-17T09:13:52+01:00
Can you die from constipation? I'm a little worried with how full of shit some people are.

Posted by Suthernfukr 2011-10-13T05:46:14+02:00
Some girls need to realize that having fat on their bodies doesn't make them fat - it makes them alive.

Comment by Anonymous

Eat right, exercise, die anyway...

Comment by Anonymous

To quote the person below me "Dear god, please oh please, will you rape my face and slip me the stinky pinky!"

Comment by Anonymous

meaning they are so thin fat keeps them ALIVE!

Comment by Anonymous

i dont get it

Posted 2011-08-17T00:43:47+02:00
If a woman seems sensitive or cranky and you suspect she has her period, do you really think it's wise to ask her?

Posted 2011-03-30T07:27:05+02:00
Sometimes you have to forgive and forget. Forgive them for hurting you and forget that they exist. Move on!

Comment by Anonymous

If you had moved on you wouldn't be thinking this, much less writing it.

Posted by Tchangles 2011-03-05T07:10:57+01:00
Cops sent me a picture of me speeding through a red light so I sent them a picture of a check. Hope we're even

Comment by Anonymous

saw this on twiter

Comment by Anonymous

u shoulda sent them a picture of donuts to make it even...

Comment by Anonymous

anonymous--- that is really stupid sorry :D

Comment by Anonymous

thts so funny "they sent u handcuffs back

Comment by Anonymous

Let me guess, they sent you back a picture of handcuffs???

Posted 2011-03-12T16:45:49+01:00
I am not defined by my past. I am prepared by it.

Posted 2010-12-14T16:00:05+01:00
If you're one of those people who think the world is going to end in 2012, please send me all your stuff

Posted 2010-11-25T05:00:34+01:00
Women are like police, they can have all the evidence in the world but they still want a confession

Posted 2010-11-11T03:06:58+01:00
I want kids. I have chores to assign.

Posted 2010-10-28T00:56:58+02:00
You just don't see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore

Posted 2010-10-20T05:22:14+02:00
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

Posted by Suckit 2010-10-11T03:13:44+02:00
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

Comment by Anonymous

thats messed up.. lol

Comment by Anonymous

Did you hear about the guy who's whole right side got cut off? It's okay, there's still half of him left. Boom.

Comment by Anonymous

wah wah wah waaaaaaaaaaah

Posted 2010-10-04T18:12:09+02:00
We have all experienced the pain of watching a slow typer.


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