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Posted 2011-04-24T18:14:35-06:00
When I eat a chocolate bunny I bop it on the head 1st; to show respect to field mice that lost family in the little bunny foo foo massacre.

Epic(14)
Comment by Anonymous

That was awesome!

Comment by Anonymous

You should definitely consider buying a hefty gun and shooting yourself in the dombsky!!

Posted 2011-04-21T23:38:41-06:00
I see you drivin 'round town with a girl I love, and I'm like, it's nice that she has alternative transportation.

Win(10)
Comment by Anonymous

Nice Play on Cee-Lo. That is funny !

Comment by Anonymous

Sounds like Cleveland from Family Guy XD

Posted 2011-09-08T00:39:40-06:00
Remember ladies, the knight with the shiniest armour has done the least amount of brave or cool shit.

Funny(6)
Posted 2010-11-24T13:45:31-07:00
Is walkin around the bank yelling:" ITS MY MONEY AND I NEED IT NOW"!!!!!!!

Epic(7)
Comment by Anonymous

its your money use it when you need it!

Posted 2010-11-12T13:20:13-07:00
Eating a gas station hot dog counts as a suicide attempt.

Epic(4)
Posted 2010-10-25T20:05:02-06:00
Some people are meant to be in love with each other...but not meant to be together.

Win(6)
Posted 2010-10-19T21:22:14-06:00
I have six locks on my door all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three.

Funny(6)
Posted 2010-01-29T13:26:35-07:00
Cell phones should have the option to change "airplane mode" to "drunk mode" that way my drunk texts never leave my phone

Funny(5)
Posted 2014-11-12T18:46:19-07:00
A Jewish kid asks his dad for ten dollars. His dad says "Nine dollars?! What do you want eight dollars for??"

Fail(9)
Comment by Anonymous

I don't remember this story from the New Testament? Poor Jesus...

Comment by Anonymous

... take 7 and bring me back one dollar... and so on

Posted 2013-12-23T21:36:42-07:00
As you get older your Christmas list gets shorter, because the things you want can't be bought.

Win(7)
Comment by Anonymous

More like because I bought it myself when I wanted it, because I'm an adult.

Posted 2013-12-03T18:42:55-07:00
My girlfriend wants to get married. I hope she finds someone nice.

Funny(7)
Comment by Anonymous

lol you are the coolest kind of asshole

Comment by Anonymous

You don't deserve a girlfriend

Posted 2013-10-01T08:58:23-06:00
Did we try giving the government a snickers?

Epic(10)
Comment by Anonymous

I have to admit, that one made me giggle.

Comment by Anonymous

If only that worked...could give the psycho bitch who drove her car through the White House gate one, too.

Posted by Try2stopme 2013-10-21T19:22:20-06:00
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don't know. Inspirational statuses are hard.

Epic(8)
Comment by Anonymous

Apparently, so are funny ones...

Posted 2013-10-24T12:07:20-06:00
I thought we had something. You met my family, made me dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”

Funny(7)
Comment by Anonymous

V moron who cannot remember anything he sees so every day is new to him

Comment by Anonymous

People must not have a life if they know this is old...

Comment by Anonymous

That was a chick with a dick.

Comment by Anonymous

My Grandmother was really flattered that you were interested in her and she said do not worry some women like small penises and someday you will find the right one or more likely come out of the closet.

Comment by Anonymous

Fuckin' ooooooooooooooooooooooooooollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllldddddddddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posted 2013-05-23T15:41:09-06:00
You can't make me believe there's a shortage of jobs in this country when there are 23 cash registers at WalMart and only 3 cashiers.

Epic(7)
Comment by Anonymous

That's because Walmart won't hire the people for the registers, because they're greedy bastards.

Comment by Anonymous

stfu its funny

Comment by Anonymous

Jesus Christ, enough with the Walmart statuses!

Posted 2013-05-01T19:44:26-06:00
Homophobes, I totally get why you think gays will wanna fuck you. Your ugly, bigoted ignorance makes you utterly irresistible.

Epic(10)
Comment by Anonymous

Smell your own ass! ha. Pogue.

Comment by Anonymous

VV yeah....what he said VV

Comment by Anonymous

Why do all you gays insist that all straight people are homophobic? Your constant name calling and incessant belly aching about how bigoted everyone else but you is, makes me want to hate you more than your gayness does. Go home and do whatever the fuck you want, just leave the rest of us OUT of your fucking bedroom to-do list, please. It's nobody else's business but yours, and we frankly don't want to hear about it. And one other thing: a difference of opinion (or as you might say, "a different lifestyle choice") is NOT bigotry. Calling majority straight people ugly names when you don't even know them is not only rude, but also ignorant, and a raw disservice to polite gays the world over. Now stand down, little one-eyed soldier. Stand down.

Comment by Anonymous

*You're. And can you save the gay shit for your Facebook page, please? This is supposed to be a place for jokes, not a place to push your gay agenda. If you're a chick and want to munch another girl's carpet or a dude who wants to sword fight with another dude, it's none of my business...You don't see me posting every day about how I'm up to my neck in good pussy, do you?

Comment by Anonymous

You think we think this about you? That makes you narcissistic. There is about 99.999 chance we aren't thinking of you at all.

Comment by Anonymous

this is the dunbest post i have ever seen on here!

Comment by Anonymous

love and so true....heard it all before.....wtf ever makes straight people think we want them is ridiculous!!

Comment by Anonymous

Love doesn't have a gender, clearly name calling makes you awesome

Comment by Anonymous

^^Fudge packer^^

Comment by Anonymous

^^Rump Ranger^^

Comment by Anonymous

^^ Butt Pirate^^!!!!

Posted 2013-03-26T09:00:41-06:00
The funny thing about Athiest ... they always seem to be talking about God.

Get a Life(5)
Comment by Anonymous

I'd rather live a life believing there is a God and die finding out there isn't one than live a life not believing in God and die finding out he exists. You'll be the ones with the short end of the stick in the end.

Comment by Anonymous

Butthurt Atheist's Below vv

Comment by Anonymous

FACT; Religion has caused more misery to all of mankind in every stage of human history than any other single idea.

Comment by Anonymous

I know! It's all most like religion gets in the way of my rights ! Like I can't get married to my lover , my rights as a women keep getting heckled and I can just NOW serve openly as a gay marine after being in service for 5 years. Save it , thanks . Religion can take a fuckin hike

Comment by Anonymous

You're pathetic, loser.

Comment by Anonymous

atheists are pathetic

Comment by Anonymous

Personally I couldn't give a crap about what people believe in ... until they (religious organizations and churches) use their tax-exempt wealth to lobby for political change and attempt to legislatively impose their beliefs onto me. When that happens, they have my invitation to eat shit and die.

Comment by Anonymous

Telling an atheist to respect your fairy tale religion is like telling a black person to respect the KKK.

Comment by Anonymous

The funny thing about organized religions ... they constantly make up new rules that have nothing to do with the bible and while their trusted leaders rape little boys and get away with it.

Comment by Anonymous

Atheists are always mad in general. They mistaken their anger for "being honest" as opposed to acting like a f**king bitch constantly.

Comment by Anonymous

The funny thing about Religions ... they always seem to be at war with each other about their make belief gods

Comment by Anonymous

funny thing about SS com-mentors..there all stupid or gay or...well just stupid and gay is enough

Comment by Anonymous

Actually no...they're always talking about a lack of evidence/proof that there is a God

Comment by Anonymous

Funny thing about cops... they're always talking about crime.

Posted by Leah6666 2013-01-26T07:55:32-07:00
Joined the Christian Mingle dating site today... Going through the profiles and asking myself, "Who would Jesus do?"

Funny(7)
Comment by Anonymous

omg!!!!!!!!! freakin' funny! love this....

Comment by Anonymous

Funniest post ever!!!!!!!

Comment by Anonymous

haha! best status here in a long time!

Posted 2012-11-16T09:55:22-07:00
Another Twilight movie? I hope Abraham Lincoln shows up and slays every last one of them.

Epic(5)
Comment by Anonymous

Twilight is gay

Comment by Anonymous

Your a Faggot! Only Faggots use that word!

Posted 2012-09-14T10:06:13-06:00
Have you ever been constipated and sittin on the toilet and think to yourself...I don't have time for this shit.

Epic(7)

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