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Posted 2011-02-10T03:36:38+01:00
not sure about you, but when someone tells me I look familiar, I immediately start to panic.

Funny(6)
Posted 2011-02-04T19:20:43+01:00
I miss being the age when I thought I would have my shit together by the time I was the age I am now.

Funny(7)
Posted 2010-11-18T03:52:31+01:00
Just once I'd like to learn something the easy way.

Epic(3)
Posted 2014-09-30T22:37:19+02:00
It's kind of funny how so many people think that being gay is a choice but being fat isn't

Win(5)
Comment by Anonymous

Maybe that other guy that bragged on about gay men should get his facts straight.... oh wait he cant can he?

Comment by Anonymous

V Since you asked, it would be much better without you.

Comment by Anonymous

Ya ok, we choose to be gay. What a fuckin dumb statement from small minded people! Now, being gay, I think I will go out and fuck all your daughters and get them pregnant and ruin about 10 families all at the same time. There's an underground world where married men go to meet other men to have sexual gratification, then return to their families as if nothing happened. I hope you wives are keeping this in the back of your mind when your husband says he's going to shoot a round of golf with "his buddies" or he's stopping at Homo Depot to pick up a few things. Wake up ladies!! In my experience, 10% of men have the balls to come out of the closet and live life as a gay person. About 90% of all men have had sex with their own gender, and enjoyed it enough to do it again. THere are a small percentage that will never act on their desires because of the fear of stigma. Be honest with yourselves guys! Don't ruin families just to hide your desires. Now, for people who wanna bash what i say, I hope your child grows up to be a drag queen or a tranny!! Then you'll feel the stigma.. hahahahaha.. I am gay, but never did i wake up and say "Hmmm, what do i want to choose, gay or straight?" Most of your "straight" living men I'm sure didn't wake up with the same question. So this leaves one logical reason for people being gay. THEY WERE BORN THAT WAY AND HAD THE BALLS TO COME OUT OF THE CLOSET! Unlike pussy guys who get married to women and have sex with men on the side and ruin families. Which would you rather have?

Comment by Anonymous

Nobody forces that fork into your mouth, you fat fuck.

Comment by Anonymous

Well....they both happen because you are puttig things in your mouth that don't belong there!!

Comment by Anonymous

V Not at all, I am an extremely annoying person to low IQ fat fucks like you but normal people like me.

Comment by Anonymous

V I bet that you are an extremely annoying person that nobody like to be around

Comment by Anonymous

Sounds like you are judging some people that you call assholes. Guess it takes one to call one out. And you are wrong there are some people with personality disorders who were born assholes. You may now go back to your huge fast food order with the DIET drink and try and cope with your non choice fat ass.

Comment by Anonymous

being fat isn't always a choice. Being a judgmental asshole always is.

Comment by Anonymous

V He's not fat, he's big boned.

Comment by Anonymous

V Put the book and the fork down and run, fat ass.

Comment by Anonymous

read a book before you write some dumb shit like that clown.

Comment by Anonymous

Clearly they both are, and both are bad choices for the human race.

Posted 2014-08-13T04:28:34+02:00
Telling people to ban same sex marriage because of your religion is like telling the supermarket to stop selling junk food because you're on a diet.

Win(8)
Comment by Anonymous

Hope they all die of AIDS or ass cancer,filthy scumbags.or should I say cumbags.

Comment by Anonymous

V But not rocky road, that flavor is gay.

Comment by Anonymous

If marriage is radically redefined as a way of just affirming loving feelings of attraction, then equality will require allowing people who love dogs to marry dogs. And people who love ice cream to marry ice cream.”

Comment by Anonymous

How is anyone's sex life or marriage anyone's business but their own? The only time it's anyone else's business is when someone is being forced to do something against their will or the will of their parents in the case of a minor, and needs protection. Even status as a minor is completely arbitrary and has nothing to do with the person's (or their parents') level of maturity or responsibility. Some 40 year olds should never breed, and many 16 year olds are perfectly capable of managing themselves. Age-difference relationship taboos are 100% cultural, there's no real moral reason to prevent them, only mathematical restrictions. There are a hundred other examples of a stupid law getting in the way of someone's private business. It's not just gays, although gays seem to have bigger mouths than anyone else at the moment. It's everyone who accepts personal responsibility for their own family, life, health, and financial affairs. Sorry for the rant, I know this is a joke website. This status is political though and I think was intended to stir up division, not really to be funny.

Comment by Anonymous

** Oops, meant to say no instead of yes. ** Too early in the morning for me. : )

Comment by Anonymous

vv I think you raise good questions. Unfortunately, they will never be answered... at least not by the gays. Those are all questions of morality. For them to answer yes to any one of those would be admitting that being homosexual is immoral.

Comment by Anonymous

They will tolerate everyone doing anything except those who think something is wrong. Then the tolerant become intolerant and demanding not only that they can do something, but everyone must accept it or else.

Comment by Anonymous

vvvvv Why have I been around child molesters.......... I've been in law enforcement for 22 years. I'm not trying to start anything. I really want to know where gay people draw the line. Is is ok for a mother to marry her own son? Can a brother and sister who say they are in love get married? Sex with animals ok or not?? Once again, I'm not trying to piss anyone off.....Just interested in where and if there is a line that is too far??

Comment by Anonymous

Lol... there's no such thing as equality. It's just a bunch of no talent whiny lazy cunts wanting advantages because they are no talent whiny lazy cunts. Don't believe me? Just look around... See the same comparisions as the two below.

Comment by Anonymous

Chanting shit like "marriage equality for all" and then not ever giving a shit about a polygamists rights: yea, that doesn't sound like special treatment for gays. not at all. Equality means ALL......not more shit for gays.

Comment by Anonymous

Liberals demanding that a homo marriage that happens in one state must be recognized in all states...........but, not allowing a concealed weapons license from one state to be recognized in ANY other state: yea, that doesn't sound like special treatment for gays. not at all.

Comment by Anonymous

That's the thing, they will never prove people are born gay. They tried that shit with serial killers over a hundred years ago... and obviously, if you look around, you will see that it clearly has not been proven. It's because people have free will/choice. If they didn't, rapists, molesters, and murderers would be institutionalized rather than imprisoned. Not to mention people would feel more empathetic for them.

Comment by Anonymous

Um. What are u doing hanging around child molestors?

Comment by Anonymous

Being gay is not a crime. Child molesting is. If you see no difference, then maybe you should be being held somewhere against your will.

Comment by Anonymous

I've heard child molesters say they were born that way, And Mom's falling "in love" with their son's and having relationships with them..... I guess as long as you feel you were born that way, it's ok!! I really want to know..... Where do you draw the line??!!

Comment by Anonymous

They're "whining" because they're being oppressed. There will come a time when the word will see the anti-gay jackasses in the same light as the narrow-minded bigots that didn't think blacks belonged in baseball or that they shouldn't have all the same rights as white people. If you really hate gay people so much, you should encourage them to marry each other... it might weed their gay DNA out of the gene pool (no I don't think there's gay DNA but shhh I'm talking to the ignorant dumbfucks out there).

Comment by Anonymous

it must suck to be close minded

Comment by Anonymous

We get it, you hate people who disagree with being gay for religious reasons. I hear way more whining from your side of the debate than I ever have from any of my Christian friends.

Comment by Anonymous

gay= evolutionary dead end.

Comment by Anonymous

Stop pushing faggotry on everyone. If you want to be gay, go for it.

Comment by Anonymous

Spoken like a true fag.

Posted 2014-01-20T23:08:35+01:00
Walmart...because going to Target requires identity theft protection and a shower.

Funny(7)
Comment by Anonymous

So the Db stands for Douche bag?

Comment by Db

I'm rich, people shop for me.

Comment by Anonymous

V "high class" target shopper.

Comment by Anonymous

Target is awesome! Sure beats standing in line behind every illiterate fat f**kin smelly ass at Walmart. Nothing but welfare check collecting fat f**k trailer park pieces of shit. Walmart is pure f**king shit. One day it will close down.

Comment by Anonymous

Target is fuckin' gay.

Posted by Try2stopme 2013-10-22T03:22:20+02:00
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don't know. Inspirational statuses are hard.

Epic(8)
Comment by Anonymous

Apparently, so are funny ones...

Posted 2013-05-18T01:30:53+02:00
Kobe Bryant is suing his mom for selling some of his memorabilia without his consent. Getting consent is VERY important to Kobe (now).

Epic(5)
Comment by Anonymous

V V..I see what you did there, and I like it.V V

Comment by Rollincool

V Apparently we have a Rapers fan...sorry meant Lakers fan on this website! Stupid auto correct!

Comment by Anonymous

I think what you mean is that it should come as no surprise that some bitch is trying to screw Kobe out of money

Posted 2012-10-12T20:57:44+02:00
I'll never be able to run for President because of what I did for a Klondike Bar.

Funny(6)
Comment by Anonymous

You don't even need a birth certificate lol

Comment by Anonymous

f**king stupid^^^VVVVVVV

Comment by Anonymous

v especially!

Comment by Anonymous

v Even if it's a Dyson?

Comment by Anonymous

no you right, but putting it in your butt does.

Comment by Anonymous

Putting your dick in a vacuum cleaner is not a disqualifier..

Posted 2012-09-18T23:57:35+02:00
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 Billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300C. The Russians used a pencil.

Funny(7)
Comment by Anonymous

To the stupid guy that said "we'd be less in debt without NASA. what wealth has it created?". At the beginning of the space race, spurred on by JFKs famous speech in 1962, it pushed a generation to aspire for more than they had thought possible: send a man to the moon. Almost every kid grew up wanting to become an engineer, an astronaut, a chemist, a part of the future. It caused an educational explosion that pushed the USA to becoming #1 in scientific development and research. Most of the inventions and technological advances that we currently have at this time were originally discovered while creating the technology for achieving the great purpose of putting a man on the moon. If you ask me, NASA inspired this nation to the greatness it can achieve.

Comment by Anonymous

Question everything. Remember that, ladies and gents.

Comment by Anonymous

To the comment two below mine.. no problem, glad to help!

Comment by Anonymous

This is actually really really interesting. Thank you!

Comment by Anonymous

Lol we would be less in debt without NASA. What wealth has it created?

Comment by Anonymous

This isn't true, however. Very funny, but not true. Russian cosmonauts used pencils, and grease pencils on plastic slates until also adopting a space pen in 1969 with a purchase of 100 units for use on all future missions.[1] NASA programs previously used pencils (for example a 1965 order of mechanical pencils but because of the substantial dangers that broken-off pencil tips and graphite dust pose in zero gravity to electronics and the flammable nature of the wood present in pencils[2] a better solution was needed. NASA never approached Paul Fisher to develop a pen, nor did Fisher receive any government funding for the pen's development. Fisher invented it independently, and then asked NASA to try it. After the introduction of the AG7 Space Pen, both the American and Soviet (later Russian) space agencies adopted it.

Comment by Anonymous

Lets see where our country would be w/o NASA asshole

Comment by Anonymous

Our tax dollars at their finest use...

Posted 2012-07-24T18:42:01+02:00
I take the time every night to read Facebook statuses to my children as part of my stay in school campaign.

Funny(4)
Comment by Anonymous

They obviously fixed it...

Posted 2012-06-17T05:50:42+02:00
Dear dad, thanks for not pulling out. Happy Father's Day!

Epic(6)
Posted by Suthernfukr 2012-06-18T19:00:37+02:00
Stupidity: Running over a string 10 times with the vacuum cleaner, picking it up, looking at it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

Funny(3)
Comment by Anonymous

I personally just don't wna walk alll the way to the trash can and stop vaccumung

Comment by Anonymous

Remember that one back in grade school....

Comment by Anonymous

That's actually called "carpetuation" ... Google it.

Comment by Leah6666

I do that alot... :/

Posted 2012-05-21T00:20:51+02:00
Don't promise when you're happy, Don't reply when you're angry, and don't decide when you're sad.

Epic(8)
Comment by Anonymous

This is ooooold

Comment by Anonymous

And Don't like if you've read this before.

Comment by Anonymous

I would tell some of you to eat a dick but I'm afraid it might be taken literally....

Comment by Anonymous

Careful, she's a badass!! The spelling, the wording, the MEANING!! she has taught us all a good lesson today. And i will pass these words down to my children and their children for generations as the prophecy was foretold. " 13 years post that are not "epic" . . . wow . . . The internet makes sense now...

Comment by Anonymous

Wow... Dilligaf really is 13... almost makes sense... and thinks she's the status police... so cute... your mommy must be proud

Comment by Dilligaf13

Why would I kick your ass? Besides the fact that you need one so you're acting tough because it's pretty fucking obvious I won't be able to...I can act tough too watch...YEAH IM GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!...see? Acted tough for what? Bragging rights? Intimidation?...really? Grow up

Comment by Anonymous

Probably not but it looks like you could use it.

Comment by Planet

Hey Diligaf....or What? You gonna come over to my home and kick my ass? Ya, didn't think so.

Comment by Anonymous

The comment below is genius!

Comment by Dilligaf13

And don't post a different version of the same crap these stupid "I've never known love til I met you" 13 years post that are not "epic"...you're not deep, you're horny

Comment by Anonymous

And don't decide "she's only ugly in the face area" when you're drunk and horny....

Comment by Anonymous

and don't buy groceries when you're hungry

Posted by Planet 2012-05-10T20:19:46+02:00
If someone says "This place is crackalackin!", does that mean it's lacking white people?

Funny(6)
Comment by Anonymous

Hey, mom, do we have any crackers? No...we're crackalackin!

Posted 2012-02-06T02:33:38+01:00
They should have modified the LMFAO song for Madonna to "Sixty and I know it"

Epic(4)
Comment by Anonymous

The awkward moment when the person who wrote the comment below, wasnt the actual author of this fine status...

Comment by Anonymous

The awkward moment when the person who wrote the comment below, wasnt the actual author of this fine status...

Comment by Anonymous

Ahh... I cant believe I got sooo many likes on this!! Thanks you guys, I thought that shit was funny too!! -Chrystal from Cali

Posted by Suthernfukr 2012-01-11T20:18:21+01:00
DOUCHEBAG: "Bro can I use your phone to call my girlfriend?" ME: "Yeah sure, just hit redial."

Funny(2)
Posted 2011-12-12T06:53:31+01:00
You better watch out, you better not cry, better not pout, I'm telling you why: you're 11 years old and you have an iPhone, you little shit.

Funny(4)
Posted 2011-11-21T23:59:37+01:00
Just sitting here enjoying a few chips with my bag of air.

Funny(4)
Posted 2011-11-14T07:34:31+01:00
Everybody deserves second chances, but not for the same mistakes.

Win(3)

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