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Posted 2013-01-20T01:23:11+01:00
It's only racist if it's not funny.

Funny(4)
Posted 2012-11-25T20:01:02+01:00
It's a good thing not everyone has a smartphone. Someone has to honk when the light turns green.

Epic(10)
Posted by Ddabbs 2012-11-21T13:43:33+01:00
So, a man walks into a bar with a monkey. I forgot the rest of the joke but your mom is a whore.

Epic(8)
Comment by Anonymous

Whoever is telling people to "go kill yourself" is a worthless cunt. F**king scum of the Earth piece of shit that should be shot repeatedly in the f**king stomach suffering, bleeding to death while getting kicked in the nuts and being forced to suck a big cock. You f**king worthless cock sucking bitch

Comment by Anonymous

All of you go stand in the corner!

Comment by Anonymous

"A bit extreme." Go kill YOURSELF, you whiny, pussy, liberal faggot.

Comment by Anonymous

SNL celebrity jeopardy.

Comment by Anonymous

love this status! `hahahaha

Comment by Anonymous

I eat shit for breakfast

Comment by Anonymous

"go kill yourself"...thats a bit extreme, don't you think?

Comment by Ddabbs

Vv f**k you, you piece of shite

Comment by Anonymous

FUCKING OLD... Go kill yourself

Posted 2012-11-11T00:40:41+01:00
OK, Florida, why don't you start voting for 2016 now so you'll be done the same time as the rest of us.

Funny(2)
Posted 2012-09-18T03:07:40+02:00
I just cleaned out my car, and to anyone whom I've ever accused of stealing my lighter, these 47 lighters and I would like to apologize.

Epic(2)
Posted 2012-10-11T17:52:33+02:00
OK EVERYONE just so you know, we drive on the right side of the road in America. This applies even when your just pushing a cart down the the aisles of Wal Mart. The change begins with you...

Win(3)
Posted 2012-09-14T11:23:17+02:00
Hey Starbucks. If you gotta name your drinks with stupid language, don't roll your eyes when I order a gitchy gitchy yaya yaya mocha choca latte ya ya

Epic(9)
Posted 2012-04-29T05:48:55+02:00
100% of the people that talk shit about your life, have shittier lives than you.

Funny(6)
Posted 2012-04-24T02:44:54+02:00
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

Fail(8)
Comment by Anonymous

Lol you people are nuts no one says that. We share a common ancestor. Why would you lie about things you haven't even looked at?

Comment by Anonymous

here is what scary.. there is only one truth for every out come, something cannot be both true or untrue at the same time... so either Biblical God does exist and there is much to live for in this world, or he doesn't exist and nothing matters in this world b/c ... oh who gives a shit we all don't matter, we are the same as monkeys right ?? idoits lol

Comment by Anonymous

Look at this novel this person wrote, how did you find the time to write all that?

Comment by Anonymous

OR it could be That God was an alien OR from a race of aliens that created humans and apes as well as all other animal life forms. God walked on this earth and ascended into heaven? Sounds like a spaceship to me. It could be he was a scientist and we are all part of a science project started billions of years ago. On another planet, in another solar system, or even universe.. Religion is a laymen’s explanation of many different oral and written histories of man separated by tongues and beliefs, personal or persuaded... Look up other cultures myths and written histories and they all start the same. Only the names are changed, And minute details…(the grapevine effect) God does not intervene in our lives because of free will. Here is a good one. For example… If you go to idk say Mexico. And you only speak English but you try to explain to Mexicans where you are from (no books, no paper, no phones no symbols, no computers, only words and stone or sticks to draw with.. Could you explain where you came from or how you got here?? Now try to tell that story to kids??? Can you do it a way that we all could understand? I am gonna venture to say Not NO! BUT HELL NO! YOU CANT DO IT! We have been trying to explain that very thing now for over a million years now. Through science and research history…etc there are so many pieces to put together So how can I explain to you things of other worlds if you can’t understand things of this world first???

Comment by Anonymous

Jesus is LORD!!!

Comment by Anonymous

What you all fail to realize is the grey alien race from the Zeta solar system or some other extraterrestrial entity is part of the reason we mutated from apes in the first place and they planted the God theory on earth to confuse us. If it weren't for them tampering with our evolution, we would all probably be something like homo erectus.

Comment by Anonymous

Men never commit evil so fully and joyfully as when they do it for religious convictions

Comment by Anonymous

Religion has actually convinced people that there`s an invisible man -- living in the sky -- who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do..And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever `til the end of time! ...But He loves you

Comment by Anonymous

Let's speak in tongues! LA-LALA-LA-LALA-LA-LA-LALAAA!!!

Comment by Anonymous

I could ask you the same thing about where your God came from. And no, you cannot tell me "He was always here" because I could easily say the same thing about my beliefs. How come it is acceptable to believe that God came from nothing, but it's not acceptable to say that about the universe? :X

Comment by Anonymous

Why do all athiest say the exact same things when talking about religion? Are y'all given a script or something? You sound smart until I read comments from other athiest... It's almost word for word. So let me ask this, you believe matter was formed from ??? And caused a big bang and all creation was formed? Ok so where did this magical matter come from and why is it not still reoccurring?

Comment by Anonymous

Good lord. We didn't COME from apes. We come from a common ancestor! Somewhere during the process of evolution, there was a mutation. That mutation split off, and slowly but surely, man kind developed. THAT, my friend, is why monkeys and apes still exist.

Comment by Anonymous

It's called the "Theory" of Evolution because we are still discovering facts about it. It is a primitive thought process to assign credit for something that you don't understand to an invisible entity. The concept of a God was widespread and there are MANY religions. Some ancient cultures appeared to believe in spacemen. It's arrogant, not to mention naive, to assert that your invisible friend is better than somebody else's invisible friend. If you take a hard look at what's going on in the world today, it would appear that if there is a God, he is either powerless, or a complete asshole. Open your mind a bit and don't believe something, just because it comes from an old book and a bunch of other people buy into the bull shit. Be your own person, not a sheep.

Comment by Sexpistol

Well looks like well find out when we die

Comment by Anonymous

Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able? Then he is not omnipotent. Is he able, but not willing? Then he is malevolent. Is he both able and willing? Then whence cometh evil? Is he neither able nor willing? Then why call him God?

Comment by Anonymous

evolution is a fantasy created by those who don't want to accept the fact that they will be held accountable for the things they do on this earth. It is foolish to believe in evolution given the simple fact that scientists are STILL looking for the 'missing link' between apes and man. It is so simple to see that the reason there is a missing link is because there is no link. It is impossible for the changes to happen that these evolutionists proclaim once you break their theory down to its point of irreducible complexity. The foundation just isn't there for evolution. It's amazing how easily simple knowledge can dissolve such a flawed theory like evolution.

Comment by Anonymous

Idiot * face palm *

Comment by Anonymous

No... My dad is an ape and he f**ked your grandma!

Comment by Anonymous

We didn't evolve from monkeys and apes, we evolved seperately from a common ancestor that we share with monkeys and apes.....it's amazing how easily knowledge can correct a status that wasn't funny to begin with

Comment by Anonymous

Because your mom still takes it from a monkey?

Comment by Anonymous

I'd rather be related to apes and monkeys then someone who believes in an invisible jewish zombie!

Comment by Anonymous

I love that somebody who believes in an invisible friend in the sky calls someone else a dumbass. Now that's funny!

Comment by Anonymous

Actually the govt created aids...

Comment by Anonymous

God also created AIDS f**k your theory..

Comment by Anonymous

Because we didn't come from apes, god created man as well as apes

Comment by Anonymous

The only thing we f**king share with monkies and apes are video games and bananas!

Comment by Anonymous

Man didn't evolve from apes we have a shared ancestor, dumbass.

Comment by Anonymous

because of geographic isolation

Comment by Anonymous

if man was made from dirt why is there still dirt

Comment by Anonymous

if man was made from dirt why is there still dirt

Posted by Leah6666 2012-03-29T15:21:50+02:00
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume you cant be blessed and you're a demon who must be destroyed.

Epic(7)
Posted 2012-03-19T11:28:10+01:00
Instead of telling my son that I walked to school uphill both ways in the snow with no shoes. I think I will have to tell him that I once had to use a dial up modem to connect to the internet, sometimes have to wait for a connection if I got a busy signal, if I was able to connect, I would have to listen to an awful noise, and once connected, pray no one in the house picked up the phone or else the connection would be lost. Kids today, they don't know the hardships of yesteryear

Funny(5)
Comment by Anonymous

First commenter is probly a 10 yr old. U dont have to be a grandpa to remember ur dial up connection

Comment by Anonymous

The first commenter is an "ass thermometer"

Comment by Anonymous

commenter below is a perfect example of a "Y Generation" baby... Why do I have to go to school? Why do I have to do my homework? Why do I have to get a job? YOU shut up, get out of your mom's house and get a job.

Comment by Anonymous

shut up grandpa.

Posted 2012-03-19T18:18:16+01:00
Be thankful for Facebook, the way gas prices are headed we may never actually see each other again.

Funny(4)
Comment by Anonymous

Wow justin sucks...

Comment by Anonymous

You suck Justin.

Posted 2012-02-26T05:50:50+01:00
Whenever I delete an app on my iPhone, the shaking icons make me feel like they're panicking over who's next to go.

Funny(5)
Comment by Anonymous

V V V LMAO V V V

Comment by Anonymous

I contributed some DNA to your moms snatch.

Comment by Anonymous

well then, maybe you could contribute one??

Posted by Planet 2012-02-20T17:10:45+01:00
Giving co-workers the silent treatment by sending them blank emails. (for those who vote thumbs down....I wonder how many of you have ever contributed to Status Stalker?)

Get a Life(22)
Comment by Anonymous

this shit ain't worth contributing either, whiner!

Comment by Anonymous

If this is the best status you have, maybe you shouldn't contribute either.

Comment by Anonymous

I only voted thumbs up because I felt sorry for you...

Comment by Anonymous

I've contributed, but this one is freaking old, I'm guessing you're into recycling!!!!

Comment by Lamp

I (try) contributing stuff on here- Generally my original statuses that get like 30 likes, but they never actually make it onto this feed for some stupid reason.

Comment by Anonymous

I voted thumbs down because Planet molests children.

Comment by Anonymous

Our contribution is voting down shit like this.

Comment by Anonymous

VV agree with the guy below me, quit being a whiney little bitch

Comment by Anonymous

Not original this did the rounds years ago. And a thumbs down for whining. Suck it up.

Comment by Planet

oh...not whining, just wondering how many of you actually contribute anything here. All my contributions here are original ( not stolen or modified)... Planet

Comment by Anonymous

it took a while for mine to be posted... but if you re-submit more than once they will accept it. And i dont mean everyday either. do it a few times if you really want your status posted

Comment by Anonymous

I gave you a thumbs down.......just for being a whiner

Comment by Anonymous

there are a lot of comments I have seen where people have tried to contribute on this site but their posts never get published...

Posted 2012-01-04T06:28:06+01:00
Why do porn stars tweet pics of their kids? Factory workers don't tweet pics of their on-the-job accidents

Funny(9)
Posted 2011-12-15T05:37:16+01:00
I don't have mistletoe this year, so we'll just have to kiss under the influence.

Epic(4)
Comment by Anonymous

Stolen from No Body on facebook, I watched him post these a week ago.

Posted 2011-11-30T17:41:35+01:00
If you don't use your partner as a hand and foot warmer, you're not in a real relationship.

Funny(3)
Posted 2011-06-10T09:47:17+02:00
Sometimes people are beautiful. Not in looks. Not in what they say. Just in what they are.

Epic(6)
Posted 2011-06-10T06:42:44+02:00
So many babies having babies.. soon baby showers will be held at chucky cheese.

Epic(3)
Posted 2011-06-04T07:06:16+02:00
Whenever I feel intimidated by someone I imagine them drinking out of a hamster water bottle.

Funny(6)

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