Funny Epic Win Get A Life Fail Share
There's a reason why "sober" and "so bored" sound almost exactly the same
It's 24 degrees here today. I just keyed someone's car with my nipples.
Do not tell me how to handle my child, I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement.
The best curve on a woman is her smile :)
...No I'm just kidding, it's her boobs.
Jersey Shore just got cancelled. Clearly an act of God. Your move, atheists.
My boss texted me, "Send me one of your funny jokes." I replied, "I'm working at the moment, I will send you one later." He replied, "That was fantastic, send me another one."
I have come to the conclusion that the dryer lint is the cremated remains of all my missing socks.
I wanna see a British person say the word knickers around a group of black people and see what happens.
Hate when I'm having a great day and someone speaks to me.
Just sitting here enjoying a few chips with my bag of air.
Can you die from constipation? I'm a little worried with how full of shit some people are.
Some girls need to realize that having fat on their bodies doesn't make them fat - it makes them alive.
My dad just gave me a toilet plunger as a house warming gift. Dads, they're always helpin you with shit :)
Nothing can destroy your self-esteem quicker than when someone points out someone they think looks like you.
Grandma complained that no one ever calls, so I put a "How's My Driving?" bumper sticker on her car...The phone pretty much rings off the hook now.
Screw getting an alarm system. I’ve seen Home Alone, I know what to do.
I'm afraid people can see me through my web cam even though its off.
When the shuttle gets back from its final mission, it would be hilarious if we were all dressed up as apes.
I'm so glad McDonalds doesn't sell Hot Dogs...can't imagine ordering a "McWeiner" and don't get me started on "super size"
My ex just sent me a photo of her having sex with her new boyfriend. I sent it to her Dad
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