Share

Posted 2012-04-03T13:42:25-06:00
I don't always have a cool Facebook status, but when I do, an older relative ruins it with a lame comment.

Funny(7)
Comment by Anonymous

oops I meant "older", not "weird".

Comment by Anonymous

I was gonna steal this status but my weird relative knows who she is:)

Comment by Leah6666

lmao - so true!

Comment by Anonymous

you can always block them.

Posted 2011-11-13T23:34:31-07:00
Everybody deserves second chances, but not for the same mistakes.

Win(3)
Posted 2011-10-15T12:51:23-06:00
The 'slut' double-standard always kind of annoys me. If a woman sleeps with a bunch of dudes, she's a slut, but if a guy goes out and does the same thing, all of a sudden he's 'gay'.

Funny(7)
Posted by Stewie71 2011-05-26T09:29:26-06:00
Thongs are like barbed wire fences. They protect the property, but don't block the view.

Funny(9)
Posted 2011-03-23T08:15:55-06:00
If any of you heard a loud, painful scream followed by hysterical weeping, don't worry about it...That was just me at the gas pump filling up my car.

Epic(12)
Posted 2011-03-17T01:25:05-06:00
Why are there never any good side effects? Just once I'd like to read a medication bottle and see "May cause extreme sexiness".

Funny(11)
Comment by Anonymous

Good side effects are normally called "Effects" and are what the drug is sold to do.

Comment by Anonymous

side effect of Minoxidil (anti hypertensive) .. slows down hair loss and also promotes hair growth...

Posted 2011-03-08T17:13:30-07:00
I bet if we all threw our problems into a big pile, we'd see everyone else's and scramble to get ours back.

Funny(6)
Posted 2011-10-21T09:02:28-06:00
Not having your status get accepted on Status Stalker is the equivalent to getting picked last in P.E

Funny(6)
Posted 2011-02-23T11:11:11-07:00
I have to stop saying "How stupid can you be?" I think people are taking it as a challenge.

Funny(13)
Posted 2011-02-17T00:59:09-07:00
‎(Glass breaks) woman: I think someones breaking in! Man: I'll take care of this (grabs a toilet brush) Woman: A toilet brush? What are you going to do scrub him to death? Man: Would you want to be touched with this?

Funny(10)
Comment by Anonymous

this is out of the tv show '8 simple rules'

Posted 2011-01-16T15:21:34-07:00
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves. That's where I come in.

Funny(4)
Posted 2010-11-21T16:22:58-07:00
Girlfriend's parents gave me a Best Buy gift card, which will be turned into a video game that causes me to ignore her for the next 30 days.

Funny(15)
Posted 2010-11-04T13:48:43-06:00
If you google myspace you get "did you mean Facebook"

Epic(7)
Comment by Anonymous

Dumba**es its a joke. you idiots

Comment by Anonymous

This guy is clearly laughing at every single one of you who actually tried it... 7 of you who clicked "fail" are actually the failures...

Comment by Anonymous

VVV you guys are dumbs**ts... xD

Comment by Anonymous

thats not true...

Comment by Anonymous

you're a liar. lol

Posted by Damon 2010-11-06T10:43:02-06:00
I have discovered that there are two sides to every argument. First and foremost, there is my side, and then there is the side that no reasonably intelligent, informed, sane, and self-respecting person could possibly hold.

Funny(5)
Posted 2011-08-19T08:23:06-06:00
I don't understand banks. Why do they attach chains to their pens? If I am trusting you with my money, you should trust me with your pens.

Funny(4)
Comment by Anonymous

everyone steals pens, just like lighters...

Posted 2009-11-04T12:16:59-07:00
Was I the only one who cheated on heads up 7 up in elementary school??

Epic(8)
Comment by Anonymous

elementary school? no no...I did it in middle XD

Comment by Anonymous

I always looked at their shoes (x

Comment by Anonymous

There wasnt a time when i didnt cheat

Comment by Anonymous

thats how I always won

Posted 2015-07-30T22:29:39-06:00
I seriously hate it when a couple starts having an argument in front of you. They could have least waited until I got dressed and left.

Funny(5)
Comment by Anonymous

I wonder if the SS admins were so shocked out of their already fully dysfunctional minds that we've had to wait over a week for some more.

Comment by Anonymous

3 men and a little lady but the lady is a tramp.

Comment by Anonymous

3 men and a Baby

Comment by Anonymous

3 men actually.

Comment by Anonymous

Actually the couple was 2 men.

Comment by Anonymous

Oh. I see now. Thank you for the explanation. :)

Comment by Anonymous

He is saying he was the reason for them fighting. And the fact that he has to get dressed means he's porking the wife. Porking means banging.

Comment by Anonymous

Maybe it's the language barrier, but I don't get this one. Can someone explain? Danke.

Comment by Anonymous

Best thing I've read in months on here. Keep em coming

Comment by Anonymous

Idk who you are, but please post some more statuses. Thanks.

Posted 2013-10-03T14:28:18-06:00
It's amazing how much us guys complain about women and then fully trust them with our penises in their mouth.

Funny(6)
Comment by Anonymous

I've often wondered about this myself

Comment by Anonymous

v At least our blood has two heads to flow back and forth to... Once the blood from your brain flows down, it just runs out of that gash you love to refer to as a twat, and onto your panties. Sucks to be female. ; P

Comment by Anonymous

That's because they only have enough blood for one head at a time...

Comment by Anonymous

I'm not being a dick, just posting things that I think are funny. : )

Comment by Anonymous

Holy Crap, who is this person going down every post and being a dick?

Comment by Anonymous

Someone's not getting any ⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️⬇️

Comment by Anonymous

It's because they know we can break their neck a lot easier from that position if they try anything stupid.

Posted 2013-09-09T08:50:38-06:00
I wish all videos of people twerking ended with them catching on fire.

Win(6)
Comment by Anonymous

it was fake dipshit

Comment by Anonymous

I had my cock inside your mom's ass while she was twerking. it increases the intensity of a fuck, don't ya know?

Comment by Anonymous

Too bad it was fake

Comment by Anonymous

You watched CNN this morning too, I see.

Posted 2013-07-02T12:16:38-06:00
My brother took going to jail really badly. He refused all offers of food and drink, spat and swore at anyone who came near him, and smeared the walls with his own feces. After that, we never played Monopoly again.

Epic(4)
Comment by Anonymous

Both of you just shove a box of rusty nails up your assholes. Why don't you just go write your "hilarious" Walmart jokes. Now THOSE are getting old.

Comment by Anonymous

v Don't worry yourself, I just rated Fail.

Comment by Anonymous

Was today, "National Post All the Old Jokes Today Day?"


Total Number of Statuses:27275

Status Stalker Login

Want to post a funny status? Well login isn't required but if you register and login you will have access to all the extra features status stalker has to offer.

Username:
Password:
Forgot Password?

Stalker Map

Facebook Addict Intervention Parody