Stalked on 01/15/2013 @ 2:21am
I'd like to take this moment to thank my fans.
Dyson air filtration fan, you've always been there.
Honeywell oscillating fan, you complete me.
Stalked on 07/12/2012 @ 4:44pm
I want to mount a flat screen TV on my wall and the instructions say I need a stud finder to locate the wood beams in the wall. What good is a MIRROR going to do..?
Stalked on 07/04/2012 @ 3:55am
When I wave my hands in the air, I wave them like I care. Because I'm emotional and shit. I care dammit.
Stalked on 05/03/2012 @ 4:45pm
Does anyone know what I did with my yacht, vacation home in the Caribbean, diamond tiara and most of all.....my freakin keys to my Hyundai?
Stalked on 04/25/2012 @ 2:03am
When windmills see tornados do they get excited or scared?
Stalked on 04/23/2012 @ 11:06pm
You write the things I feel before they even become thoughts.
Stalked on 04/09/2012 @ 6:51pm
To make a long story short: Once upon.
Stalked on 04/06/2012 @ 4:10am
Sometimes a fantasy might be better left a fantasy... because nothing is harder than when the reality of that kind of dream crashes.
Stalked on 04/04/2012 @ 12:44am
Nothing's better than catching up with your friends. (By "friends" I mean shows I recorded on myDVR.)
Stalked on 04/01/2012 @ 6:11am
Dude this status is AMAZING!....April Fools.
Stalked on 03/21/2012 @ 5:31am
"I'll meet you on a website, so you won't be lonely. I'll meet you on a website, so you won't be lonnnnellly!" -Bone Thugs eHarmony
Stalked on 03/19/2012 @ 9:05pm
Put some whiskey in my coffee because it's Ireland somewhere.
Stalked on 03/14/2012 @ 3:03am
The "Fresh Prince of Bel Air" theme caused me to start a lot of fights hoping I'd be shipped off to rich relatives.
Stalked on 03/13/2012 @ 8:55am
we are ALL staring at computer screens, we have SO much in common!
Stalked on 03/12/2012 @ 7:22pm
If I was a farmer I'd name one of my cows Jagger and run around singing "I've Got the Moos Like Jagger" and I'd be popular among farmers.
Stalked on 03/11/2012 @ 4:43pm
Was just about to pump some iron but then I thought, "Does a rose need to wear perfume?"
Stalked on 02/24/2012 @ 3:59pm
So "Linsanity" no longer refers to Lindsay Lohan but Jeremy Lin? What if they start dating, what then? The Adventures of LinLin?
Stalked on 02/16/2012 @ 7:11pm
I haven't had secks in so long, I've even forgotten how to spell it.
Stalked on 02/15/2012 @ 5:28am
knock knock. who's their? I think you mean "there."
what do you want?
Stalked on 02/12/2012 @ 4:59pm
If I download a movie in Jamaica, am I a pirate of the Caribbean?
Lame Status Updates These jokes are lame but funny and would probably be disliked by your friends on Facebook if Facebook would just install a stupid dislike button already! This collection of lame statuses, quotes, jokes, and sayings won't get you more likes on Facebook or retweets on Twitter but they will make you lol, lamo, or rofl.
Facebook Addict Intervention Parody