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Stalked on 05/13/2010 @ 6:05pm
sometimes i find hope at the bottom of a bottle of vodka.

Epic(2)
1240
Stalked on 05/08/2010 @ 7:08pm
This could be the best day ever... but it isn't. Again.

Funny(2)
2280
Stalked on 05/06/2010 @ 8:26pm
Job Application Tip: If asked "Have you ever been convicted of a crime?" the incorrect response is, "No, I pleaded insanity."

Funny(1)
2090
Stalked on 05/03/2010 @ 7:26pm
It would be so much easier for me to be compassionate, if compassionate meant smacking people in the head.

Epic(2)
2160
Stalked on 05/03/2010 @ 2:53am
McDonald's in a Walmart is like serving alcohol at an AA meeting.

Funny(4)
24140
Stalked on 04/28/2010 @ 1:52am
Helloooo summer. How I've missed you and your lack of responsibilities.

Funny(4)
13120
Stalked on 04/22/2010 @ 7:44pm
Stop everything you're doing. Think about me. You're welcome.

Funny(3)
22130
Stalked on 04/22/2010 @ 4:26am
Work like you don't have proof of citizenship, Love like you were on a reality TV show, and dance like you were being thrown 100 dollar bills at

Epic(4)
1770
Stalked on 04/20/2010 @ 12:42am
My body is not my temple. It's more like a bar and grill.

Funny(4)
11180
Stalked on 04/19/2010 @ 6:15pm
Support your local record store today, because you can't roll a joint on a download bitches.

Epic(3)
3140
Stalked on 04/17/2010 @ 9:00pm
Republicans in congress refuse to work with Democrats. In other news, horoscopes are made-up and pie is delicious.

Funny(2)
1090
Stalked on 04/14/2010 @ 9:58pm
Moving sucks! Why hasn't anyone invented Copy and Paste for real life?

Funny(4)
3340
Stalked on 04/13/2010 @ 7:56pm
LIFE INSURANCE: a contract that keeps you poor so you can die rich

Funny(3)
2030
Stalked on 04/13/2010 @ 2:28am
THINK.. its not illegal yet.

Funny(5)
2550
Stalked on 04/13/2010 @ 2:28am
Set a new goal for yourself today! I already did. My goal was to get the word out about setting new goals.

Epic(2)
840
Stalked on 04/12/2010 @ 6:41pm
The beauty of vodka is that it looks like water. The beauty of the workplace is that water bottles are allowed.

Epic(5)
3820
Stalked on 04/12/2010 @ 6:40pm
1 in every 3 people is ugly! So, look to your right, then to your left. If they aren't, guess what?

Epic(4)
3190
Stalked on 04/11/2010 @ 2:09am
It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married.

Epic(3)
2640
Stalked on 04/11/2010 @ 2:07am
Don't you hate it when people steal your ideas before you think of them!

Funny(3)
2420
Stalked on 04/09/2010 @ 10:22pm
In the Beginning, God made the Heaven and Earth. The rest was Made in China

Funny(4)
2670
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