Home Funny Epic Win Get A Life Fail More Most Popular
« First < Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Next > Last »
Stalked on 04/27/2012 @ 9:12pm
Text message signatures are the universal sign for intense douchebaggery.

Epic(3)
36100
Stalked on 04/27/2012 @ 7:37pm
My ceiling fan has three setting: - very slow - slow - I'm about to detach from the ceiling and kill you in a freak ceiling fan accident

Funny(6)
6590
Stalked on 04/27/2012 @ 6:31pm
If abortion is murder, aren't condoms kidnapping?

Funny(4)
48185
Comment by Anonymous

What does Jesus have to do with this?

Comment by Anonymous

mad old be posted on here 12 times, jesus

Comment by Anonymous

Well lets face it. Some people these days are the loads that should have been swallowed

Comment by Anonymous

OLD MOTHA FUCKA

Comment by Anonymous

the best part of u, ran down your daddys leg..

Stalked on 04/27/2012 @ 6:24pm
The last word of this sentence is beside the point.

Epic(2)
15120
Stalked on 04/27/2012 @ 6:14pm
Alcohol is the fast forward button for any crappy day.

Funny(3)
880
Stalked on 04/25/2012 @ 5:43pm
Just watched a woman in front of me walk face first into a telephone pole because she was too busy looking at her phone. I could've given her a heads up, but then I wouldn't have been able to watch her walk face first into the telephone pole

Epic(9)
9650
Stalked on 04/25/2012 @ 2:17pm
After watching "Duck Dynasty" I realized something. I think they have killed everything but ducks on "Duck Dynasty"

Fail(1)
11101
Comment by Anonymous

Then you're retarded! They killed ducks on the first and last episode!

Stalked on 04/24/2012 @ 11:03pm
During sex. I suddenly stopped and didn't move. She was like "What are you doing?" And I was like "Hush bitch, I saw this on Pornhub, its called Buffering."

Funny(21)
157226
Comment by Anonymous

Jokes on you! Blow up dolls can't talk.

Comment by Anonymous

I find it amusing that this has "69" thumbs up at the moment.

Comment by Anonymous

And she said "hush, mr. limpy; I'll finish off with my huge toy...'

Comment by Anonymous

And you just sit there with your Dick in your hand... lol

Comment by Anonymous

Lmao

Comment by Anonymous

You know, this joke was about YouPorn, but to make it look new they change the name of the website each time loooool

Stalked on 04/24/2012 @ 8:08pm
Now that there is a pizza with a cheeseburger crust, can we have a cheeseburger with a pizza baked its center?

Fail(2)
4201
Comment by Anonymous

How baked were you when you posted this?

Stalked on 04/23/2012 @ 11:03pm
Someday I hope to be the kind of adult who has an umbrella.

Funny(2)
14201
Comment by Anonymous

I'm 20....I dont own one....That is sad.

Stalked on 04/23/2012 @ 10:58pm
If the days of the week were Star Wars characters, Monday would be Jar Jar Binks, my least favorite.

Funny(1)
8201
Comment by Anonymous

fuck you

Stalked on 04/23/2012 @ 10:26pm
"Let's tape a spider to a lobster and scare the shit out of everyone forever." - God when he made scorpions

Epic(4)
36124
Comment by Anonymous

thats bout retarded

Comment by Anonymous

2 girls 1 cup lol v v v v v

Comment by Anonymous

Sorry I believe in fucking your mom's ass and shitting in her mouth.

Comment by Anonymous

sorry i believe in evolution

Stalked on 04/23/2012 @ 7:04pm
i'm not going to work this week, but my hologram will be there if you need to get a hold of me...

Epic(2)
1270
Stalked on 04/23/2012 @ 1:40am
It's Earth day, save the water and don't flush! Take a shower with a friend. Have sex in the dark to save energy! Love Earth!

Epic(1)
1190
Stalked on 04/23/2012 @ 12:44am
If a redhead works at a bakery, does that make him a ginger bread man?

Funny(2)
23163
Comment by Anonymous

Tell me an old war story

Comment by Anonymous

You have amazing memory

Comment by Anonymous

OMG i remember this joke since 1997 LOL

Stalked on 04/21/2012 @ 9:05pm
I know karate, and like 2 other japanese words.

Funny(2)
8177
Comment by Anonymous

Hahahahaha great!

Comment by Leah6666

wahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Comment by Anonymous

Holy fucking OLD buttman!!

Comment by Anonymous

All 3 of you are total crotchwaffles...she said that purposely cause it makes the joke more absurd....fools

Comment by Anonymous

It IS japanese, wikipedia that shit before bitchin on someones status!

Comment by Anonymous

karate actually originated in india.. read that in my snapple cap today haha

Comment by Anonymous

Karate is Korean!! Not Japanese!!

Stalked on 04/20/2012 @ 10:46pm
All my tupperware is haunted by the ghost of marinara sauce past.

Funny(3)
38110
Stalked on 04/19/2012 @ 6:02pm
I'm the fsatest tyyeper i9n the worsld.

Funny(2)
22210
Stalked on 04/19/2012 @ 5:56pm
Eating a bowl of generic frosted flakes... THEY'RRRRRRRRRE ALLLLLLLLLRIGHT, I guess.

Funny(4)
53176
Comment by Anonymous

I actually found this funny..

Comment by Anonymous

Or it would of been better if you crawl back under a rock

Comment by Anonymous

Or if you just never fucking used the status in the first place.

Comment by Jewhonks

And if you took away.the I guess part

Comment by Anonymous

It would be funnier if I hadn't used the same status like 3 months ago

Comment by Anonymous

It would be funnier if I hadn't used the same status like 3 months ago

Stalked on 04/19/2012 @ 3:34pm
Batman has a lot of cool toys, but if he uses anything but a laser pointer to catch Catwoman in the next movie, I'll be really disappointed.

Epic(2)
000
« First < Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 Next > Last »

Status Stalker Login

Want to post a funny status? Well login isn't required but if you register and login you will have access to all the extra features status stalker has to offer.
Username:
Password:
Forgot Password?

More Funny Statuses

Stalker Map

Facebook Addict Intervention Parody

Home About Us FAQs Terms & Conditions Privacy Policy Advertise/Contact Us © Status Stalker 2011, All Rights Reserved.