Stalked on 05/14/2012 @ 6:50pm
I can't be the only person who on Monday wants to hurt everybody who even looks in my direction.
Stalked on 05/14/2012 @ 6:49pm
I'm on a diet until my wife falls asleep.
Stalked on 05/14/2012 @ 1:40am
I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.
Stalked on 05/13/2012 @ 5:07pm
Happy Mothers Day not only to our mothers, but also to the women that are there for us throughout our lives that aren't our mothers. Friends, Teachers, Role Models: Those women who teach us, inspire us, care about us, and love us as if they were just another "mother." Happy Mother's Day to you all. ♥
Stalked on 05/12/2012 @ 4:50am
I'm pretty sure if Caps Lock was a real person, he would sound like Gilbert Gottfried.
Stalked on 05/11/2012 @ 8:35am
Ever feel like kicking some men in the balls just to remind them that they have balls?
Stalked on 05/07/2012 @ 4:18am
I believe in karma That means I can do bad things to people I don't like and assume they deserved it .
Stalked on 05/06/2012 @ 10:21pm
new condom slogan: wrap it in latex or she's going to get your paychecks.
Stalked on 05/06/2012 @ 10:17pm
I dont right things write on purpose. I like to keep grammar police busy.
Stalked on 05/02/2012 @ 10:15pm
I force uncomfortable topics in everyday conversations. People need to come out of their shells.
Stalked on 05/02/2012 @ 3:54am
Turn your wounds into wisdom.
Stalked on 04/29/2012 @ 5:46am
Sometimes I want to punch words right back into peoples mouths.
Stalked on 04/25/2012 @ 6:31pm
When you get angry start counting to ten. When you get to eight, throw a punch. Nobody expects that.
Stalked on 04/23/2012 @ 10:28pm
It used to bother me that I didn't fit in. Now I smile at all those miserable people who do.
Stalked on 04/22/2012 @ 11:59pm
If history repeats itself, I'm totally getting a dinosaur.
Stalked on 04/19/2012 @ 9:56pm
"Here, let me fill your head with a bunch of opinionated bullshit that's not actually news" - Every major news outlet
Stalked on 04/17/2012 @ 5:08pm
Don't just bend the rules, break them in half and beat them with both pieces.
Stalked on 04/11/2012 @ 4:46am
I hate when people talk while I'm CLEARLY trying to interrupt.
Stalked on 04/09/2012 @ 10:38pm
I thought Instagram was a drug delivery service...
Stalked on 04/06/2012 @ 4:01am
Gay marriages need to be legalized everywhere because I would watch the shit out of Gay Divorce Court.
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