Stalked on 02/11/2015 @ 3:26am
Watching my dad try to scroll through pictures on my phone is like watching someone trying to pet a bubble.
Stalked on 02/11/2015 @ 3:11am
Just passed a wave's first zero-crossing and the point in space defined as the origin so I guess you could say I'm going through a phase.
Stalked on 11/13/2014 @ 1:51am
For the 1st time in history, Earthlings have landed on a comet! Finally, revenge for the time that comet landed on all our dinosaurs.
Stalked on 08/15/2012 @ 3:58am
I feel kinda guilty when I waste perfectly condescending answers on an idiot.
Stalked on 08/15/2012 @ 3:56am
What doesn't kill you, seriously disappoints me.
Stalked on 08/14/2012 @ 6:54pm
I always hear people say that a dog is man's best friend, but I don't even have enemies who'll look me dead in my face while taking a shit on my carpet.
Stalked on 07/25/2012 @ 6:43am
Too few people spontaneously combust.
Stalked on 07/24/2012 @ 8:56pm
When you are smart enough to know there is a lesson to learn, but dumb enough to think you've already learned it.
Stalked on 07/23/2012 @ 1:42am
So impolite of people to sneak up on you while you're talking shit about them.
Stalked on 07/22/2012 @ 7:21am
Dear paranoid people who check behind shower curtains for murderers, if you do find one what' s the plan?
Stalked on 07/11/2012 @ 10:09pm
The guy that comments old is getting old. He spends more time supervising this site than he does living.
Stalked on 07/04/2012 @ 4:01am
My Dad thinks Magic Mike is a documentary about Michael Jordan so I bought him and his friend Dave tickets to see it tonight.
Stalked on 07/04/2012 @ 2:35am
The people who need firecracker safety tips aren't the people who read firecracker safety tips.
Stalked on 07/02/2012 @ 3:26pm
My brain is about as organized as the Wal-Mart $5 DVD bin.
Stalked on 06/29/2012 @ 9:12pm
I regret every fart I ever held in for you.
Stalked on 06/29/2012 @ 7:40pm
When you're a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
Stalked on 06/28/2012 @ 10:12pm
Whoever snuck the s in "fast food" is a clever little bastard.
Stalked on 06/28/2012 @ 8:27pm
I make way more decisions than I should based on the battery life of my phone.
Stalked on 06/28/2012 @ 7:34pm
When one door closes, another door opens.
If not, I'm climbing through the window.
Stalked on 06/28/2012 @ 1:47pm
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank. Give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
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