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Stalked on 10/10/2011 @ 11:39pm
I have a bunch of explicit scenarios ready for the next time someone says "guess what!"

Epic(1)
2470
Stalked on 09/28/2011 @ 5:23pm
I play this fun game with ladies called "just the tip," where I refuse to pay for anything other than the gratuity at dinner.

Funny(1)
25172
Comment by Anonymous

Everyday I have your mum on speed dial

Comment by Anonymous

You don't get laid much, do you?

Stalked on 09/07/2011 @ 7:01am
There would be a lot less entering of "Do not enter" areas if they didn't have a "Do not enter" sign.

Funny(2)
2990
Stalked on 09/06/2011 @ 5:20pm
The Mayan Calendar says the world will end on Dec 21, 2012, which really means a lot of babies will be born on Sept 21, 2013.

Epic(4)
4681
Comment by Anonymous

That awkward moment when Sept 21 is your birthday.

Stalked on 09/06/2011 @ 4:35pm
Never trust anyone who picks Sub-Zero in Mortal Kombat, Akuma in Street Fighter, Eddie in Tekken, Kasumi in DOA, or Luigi in Super Smash.

Get a Life(1)
15224
Comment by Anonymous

so i cant trust my cousins? LOL :)

Comment by Anonymous

Grow a penis..

Comment by Anonymous

cause he must be a flat out looser..like the op for calling off names to a stupid ass video game

Comment by Anonymous

Why?

Stalked on 08/30/2011 @ 7:40am
My phone loves it when you text. Its little face lights up bursts into beeps & has your name written all over it!

Funny(2)
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Stalked on 08/25/2011 @ 11:57pm
I say ouch before I'm even sure I'm hurt, just to be safe.

Funny(4)
4450
Stalked on 08/25/2011 @ 7:47pm
The iPad 3 and iPhone 5 will be unbelievable. Everything else after that... meh.

Funny(1)
42114
Comment by Anonymous

let the phone wars begin

Comment by Anonymous

Is that the same line you use to pick up the fat hogs at the bars??.......I'm sure that impresses them.

Comment by Anonymous

i own an iphone store and have a droid and a blackberry. talk about cliche

Comment by Anonymous

The people who love androids can't afford iPhones hah

Comment by Anonymous

And they're arguing about phones.... nerds.

Comment by Anonymous

Hahahaaaaa... there's always room for several operating systems... Android for the leaders... iPhone for the followers... and BlackBerry for those who need to get the hell out of the way....

Comment by Anonymous

YOU'RE FUCKING STUPID! ANDROID > IPHONE YOU FUCKING TOOL! PEOPLE ARE SUCH FUCKING IDIOTS! DO SOME FUCKING RESEARCH YOU STUPID COCKSUCKER!

Comment by Anonymous

too bad the iphone 5 (or 4gs) wil look exactly the same on the outside...just a larger 4inch lcd...i own an iphone shop and already have parts for the phone...minus the phone...

Comment by Anonymous

You guys are gonna die virgins...

Comment by Anonymous

What does Android have to do with a status update about iphone... insecure much.

Comment by Anonymous

Android has a porn app. iphone does not! Enough said!

Comment by Anonymous

Android FTW

Comment by Anonymous

Thumbs up to the comment below me. Fuck Apple, it's all about dat Android.

Comment by Anonymous

Android is better. Ios sucks

Stalked on 08/20/2011 @ 6:46am
I'm a nounaphobic. I hate people, places and things.

Funny(2)
22305
Comment by Anonymous

I will insert my penis in both of you

Comment by Anonymous

huh?

Comment by Anonymous

what?

Comment by Anonymous

if you're scared of something chances are you're scared of it too!

Comment by Anonymous

Phobic means scared of. Not hate. This makes no sense.

Stalked on 08/18/2011 @ 5:40am
If someone says "I love you," and you don't feel the same way, say "I love Youtube" really fast.

Epic(12)
150152
Comment by Anonymous

hahahahahahahaha!!!

Comment by Anonymous

lmfao!!! good one!!!

Stalked on 08/18/2011 @ 5:34am
I hate waking up early every day and I'm about to overuse exclamation points to make you understand how much!!!!!!!

Funny(3)
1750
Stalked on 08/15/2011 @ 10:50am
I used to like to get glue on my fingers so I could peel it off when it dried. I dunno why I brought that up, but I know I'm not alone here.

Funny(4)
8181
Comment by Anonymous

i used to do that all the time...holy shit..hahaha

Stalked on 08/13/2011 @ 11:14pm
I can sum up my life in three words: "just browsing, thanks."

Funny(4)
3720
Stalked on 08/12/2011 @ 6:18am
When someone tells me to guess something and I don't but they keep telling me to try, I start to guess they want to be punched in the face.

Funny(6)
4250
Stalked on 08/09/2011 @ 11:31pm
I don't do dishes. When I'm done eating, I smash plates on the floor and walk out of the dining room like a rockstar.

Funny(2)
36120
Stalked on 08/09/2011 @ 3:11am
Sitting here watching thousands of dollars worth of food be thrown away on Hell's Kitchen while I eat my Ramen.

Funny(4)
6541
Comment by Anonymous

SO TRUE!

Stalked on 08/06/2011 @ 3:12am
I bet the reason the US is so happy about the possibility of finding life on Mars is so we can borrow money from them.

Funny(4)
6862
Comment by Anonymous

By who bitch? FUCK OFF

Comment by Anonymous

Disrespect America again and your gonna get smacked -_-

Stalked on 08/05/2011 @ 9:13am
Only AT&T lets your iPhone talk and surf the web... intermittently, outside, in a major city, sometimes.

Funny(2)
2991
Comment by Anonymous

love it

Stalked on 08/05/2011 @ 8:54am
I can't believe we made a movie that is essentially giving the apes a blueprint on how to take over the Earth.

Funny(2)
3850
Stalked on 08/04/2011 @ 4:06am
I wish running scenarios through my mind burned calories.

Funny(1)
2570
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