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Stalked on 07/23/2010 @ 3:21am
$3.88 until my Visa is maxed out. I'm struggling between the #4 at Burger King or shampoo.

Funny(4)
20110
Stalked on 07/20/2010 @ 2:22am
By the time I manage to get this new DVD out of the packaging, I could probably just watch it on the classic movie channel instead.

Epic(2)
1250
Stalked on 07/20/2010 @ 1:17am
Facebook-stalking my future ex-boyfriend.

Funny(2)
16240
Stalked on 07/19/2010 @ 7:56pm
Just read that Facebook has reached 500 million users. Congrats to everyone who helped create history's largest stalker network!

Funny(2)
2690
Stalked on 07/17/2010 @ 11:50pm
Top 5 Reasons Apple Won't adopt Flash for iPhone/iPad: 5. Whatever. 4. Who cares? 3. Eating a sandwich. 2. Gimme my iPad. 1. Your Mom.

Funny(2)
16230
Stalked on 07/17/2010 @ 10:18pm
Signed into Facebook so I could find out where all my friends will be this weekend. I now have a list of places to avoid. Strategery, folks.

Funny(2)
2870
Stalked on 07/17/2010 @ 7:41pm
I've been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I'm actually talking to someone

Funny(2)
22100
Stalked on 07/15/2010 @ 9:40pm
Seriously, "friend" I've haven't spoken to in 4 years you deleted me on Facebook?? It only took me a year to notice. I thought we were tight

Epic(1)
1260
Stalked on 07/15/2010 @ 9:39pm
I wish there was a "I liked your Facebook status until every one of your moron friends had to comment on it

Epic(2)
2240
Stalked on 07/14/2010 @ 5:58pm
Didn't lock my car last night and there was a homeless guy asleep in it this morning.

Funny(2)
1330
Stalked on 07/14/2010 @ 4:40pm
Filing a BP Damage Claims. Due to the Gulf disaster, instead of a vacation at the beach, we're going to visit my in-laws.

Epic(1)
780
Stalked on 07/14/2010 @ 1:24am
Officer, I was not "texting" while driving. I was "watching a movie on my iPad"

Funny(2)
18140
Stalked on 07/13/2010 @ 7:40pm
Is it 1 tap or 2 to request toilet paper from the next stall?

Funny(4)
2640
Stalked on 07/13/2010 @ 6:05pm
Instead of "Sent from my iPhone," I use "Sent without Proofreading" as an email signature.

Epic(2)
1040
Stalked on 07/13/2010 @ 5:23pm
No one has ever complimented me on my mountain fresh scent. Either people are jerks or this body wash is bullshit.

Funny(3)
2190
Stalked on 07/13/2010 @ 5:11pm
No thanks CVS, I don't need a bag. I'll just wrap up my purchase in the 12 foot receipt you just gave me.

Epic(2)
2830
Stalked on 07/12/2010 @ 4:20pm
Meeting an old friend for drinks after work. Hope he doesn't bring up that Farmville invite I ignored.

Funny(3)
15230
Stalked on 07/07/2010 @ 12:41am
I've put more work in to my iTunes library than i have in to any relationship.

Get a Life(1)
1660
Stalked on 07/01/2010 @ 2:55pm
I have to go to work after my root canal, so this will be a good test to see which is more enjoyable.

Funny(3)
19170
Stalked on 07/01/2010 @ 2:52pm
If your password is "password," then you might be a dumbass. Unlike me. My password is "dumbass."

Funny(6)
3460
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