Stalked on 01/15/2013 @ 5:40pm
You only live once, so don't forget to spend at least 8 hours every day on the internet, desperately searching for the validation of strangers.
Stalked on 05/21/2012 @ 5:35pm
Together we can stop bathroom mirror profile pictures.
Stalked on 05/17/2012 @ 12:11pm
If I'd known our TV viewing habits were so incompatible, I never would have let things go so far.
Stalked on 12/13/2010 @ 9:44pm
I replaced all the songs on my GF's Ipod with techno Christmas songs. She has called me at least 12 times. She's super pissed.
Stalked on 12/11/2010 @ 7:32am
Going to learn CPR today! One step closer to being a superhero!
Stalked on 11/16/2010 @ 10:36pm
Waldo probably hides because he's behind on his child support payments.
Stalked on 11/06/2010 @ 3:18pm
You know that public education is failing when high school seniors think London is its own country
Stalked on 11/06/2010 @ 7:34am
Immediately updating your relationship status on Facebook after a fight for the 10th time this week is annoying, cut it out.
Stalked on 11/05/2010 @ 7:21am
Someone from Facebook Design should write about why they made the news feed font smaller. I just want to understand why.
Stalked on 10/29/2010 @ 5:26pm
If love is a battlefield than my bedroom is Switzerland.
Stalked on 10/29/2010 @ 5:19am
just read that burglars use Facebook to see when people aren't home. So from now on, I'm at home. With a rifle. And a hungry crocodile
Stalked on 10/28/2010 @ 6:30pm
The world's gross. Stop rubbing your eyes
Stalked on 08/23/2010 @ 11:26pm
The only thing I hate about having a phone is when people call.
Stalked on 08/23/2010 @ 5:11pm
Dear reply-to-all sender, we obviously have a mutual friend here and even though I've never met you, I hate you already.
Stalked on 08/23/2010 @ 4:50pm
I have an iphone, I don't need friends.
Stalked on 08/22/2010 @ 7:12pm
I need a GPS that communicates to me in simpler way. For example:
- This way
- That way
- The other right
Stalked on 08/22/2010 @ 6:53am
I hope Facebook Places doesn't kill Foursquare. It took me a long time to become mayor of my neighbor's bathtub.
Stalked on 08/22/2010 @ 3:53am
"Who's this? I got a new phone" means "I deleted your number because I don't care to talk to you."
Stalked on 08/21/2010 @ 6:30pm
"I just had the most productive several hours of my life! And I owe it all to you, Twitter!!!" Said no one ever.
Stalked on 08/21/2010 @ 5:52pm
whats this bullshit that pandora is telling me that ive gone over my free music listening privileges for the month and now I have to pay a fee to listen some more?!?! this is America! And in America, Pandora should be free no matter how much you use it!
1st World Problems Status Updates Most of us live in a country where we have a thing called 1st world problems meaning that other countries have serious problems where we have 1st world problems. Dreading going to the dentist is an example of a 1st world problem, hey at least you still have teeth! Here is a collection of funny life problems that typically only people in 1st world countries face.
Facebook Addict Intervention Parody