Funny Epic Win Get A Life Fail Share
I only have a Facebook to see where everyone is at, so I can avoid running into them.
Here officer, hold my beer while I find my license.
they say forgive and forget. but never forget why you had to forgive.
If you don't have something nice to wear, then don't wear anything at all.
I just turned 288 months.
No matter how hard we try to be perfect, we'll still end up making a mistake.
Nothing makes crazy people happier than having a microphone.
Break the rules, drink some shots, live your life, and laugh a lot.
Prank: Get car chalk and write "Just Married" on every car in a Walmart parking lot.
There would be less drunk driving in the world if Taco Bell delivered!
In my office knowing keyboard shortcuts is considered witchcraft.
Everyone's automatically single once they enter Las Vegas airspace, right?
I wonder how many Dads name their boy's Luke just so they can tell him, "Luke, I am your father."
Life Goal: make it to the bottom of my chapstick before losing it.
How do people drink milk with dinner?
AND YOU GET A HALF SISTER! AND YOU GET A HALF SISTER! AND YOU GET A HALF SISTER!
Everything Bagels are a lie! Where are the M&M's?
When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.
I refuse to vacuum until they make huge roombas I can ride around the room.
Sometimes I think Facebook is trying to insult me by some of its friend suggestions.
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