Funny Epic Win Get A Life Fail Share
I never give the wrong answer; sometimes I am simply asked the wrong question.
Note to self: Never make a sarcastic remark to someone who is really angry, unless you're prepared to run like hell.
Whenever I don't hear from someone in a while I think, "Oh, shit. They found out."
I don't know all the state capitals, but I can recite "Dumb and Dumber" word for word.
Student loans are the ultimate pyramid scheme.
World Population: 1) China 2) India 3) FACEBOOK 4) United States 5) Indonesia 6) Brazil 7) TWITTER
You can't have a relationship without any fights, but you can make your relationship worth the fight.
Sometimes entire relationships can only be described as "that weird thing I did for a while."
I think self checkout was invented by a guy who had to buy tampons
Time sure does fly when I'm throwing my alarm clock across the room.
U have 10 fish, 5 drown, 3 come back to life. How many fish do you have? Stop counting smart one Fish cant Drown.
I'm having one of those dancing roadside Statues of Liberty do my taxes.
One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you cant say out loud.
Learn to spell. Auto Correct isn't always write.
I've decided to get rid of my bad habits...just as soon as equally satisfying good habits become available.
How do some people manage to sit on it and talk out of it at the same time?
Ever feel about as useful as a white crayon?
I am not a mind reader...Please adjust your communication skills accordingly.
Move over Weight Watchers, there is a new way to lose weight...It's the "I can't afford to buy groceries to feed myself because I just filled my gas tank" diet.
I can never have one capri sun and be satisfied... I always gotta have 2 or 3
Total Number of Statuses:20435
Recent Funny Statuses If you need a funny status for your facebook or Twitter, Status Stalker has the largest collection of the funniest statuses. Every wants people to like their status updates so make your worth liking by making your friends laugh instead of posting what you had for lunch.
Facebook Addict Intervention Parody