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Posted 2010-07-16T17:11:41-07:00
Look, I'm not going to lie to you. Wait, that's not true; that's a lie, already. Sorry

Epic(2)
1360
Posted 2010-07-16T17:08:19-07:00
That's a ugly shade of bitch your wearing

Epic(4)
2220
Posted 2010-07-16T17:08:10-07:00
I'm going insane. my imaginary friends are driving and the voices keep asking are we there yet?

Epic(1)
8140
Posted 2010-07-16T16:23:06-07:00
If your job involves spinning a sign on the street corner you really should question every life choice you have ever made.

Funny(3)
1940
Posted 2010-07-16T16:20:28-07:00
RIP Stouffer's family size lasagna.

Funny(2)
990
Posted 2010-07-16T11:59:47-07:00
What I learned from Princess Leia is that you don't have to be the most beautiful woman in the room if you're the only woman in the room.

Funny(2)
1930
Posted 2010-07-16T11:59:33-07:00
100 calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off.

Funny(5)
1860
Posted 2010-07-16T11:59:29-07:00
Giving this positive outlook thing the old college try. Which means I'll only try on Tuesdays and Thursdays after noon.

Funny(3)
1260
Posted 2010-07-16T11:59:15-07:00
I call everything that I do with my female friends "but sex" because we do everything but sex.

Funny(3)
1090
Posted 2010-07-16T11:59:10-07:00
Its been a business doing pleasure with you.

Funny(3)
2440
Posted 2010-07-15T17:00:50-07:00
It's not pretty being easy.

Funny(4)
2190
Posted 2010-07-15T17:00:46-07:00
I enjoy watching uptight people try to act laid back.

Get a Life(2)
1130
Posted 2010-07-15T17:00:41-07:00
Traffic lights are society's way of mocking the colorblind.

Funny(2)
1880
Posted 2010-07-15T17:00:35-07:00
Behind every great man is a ninja. And behind that ninja is another ninja.

Epic(1)
12110
Posted 2010-07-15T17:00:12-07:00
I'm pretty sure the company stopped vacuuming our floors as one of their new cost cutting measures. I recognize that raisin.

Funny(2)
13160
Posted 2010-07-15T12:40:42-07:00
Little known fact: "Ikea" is actually Swedish for the sound one makes when shitty furniture falls apart.

Funny(3)
2450
Posted 2010-07-15T12:40:36-07:00
Seriously, "friend" I've haven't spoken to in 4 years you deleted me on Facebook?? It only took me a year to notice. I thought we were tight

Epic(1)
1160
Posted 2010-07-15T12:40:02-07:00
I think people would be less likely to piss me off if they knew how much I watch Forensic Files

Epic(3)
1340
Posted 2010-07-15T12:39:53-07:00
I wish there was a "I liked your Facebook status until every one of your moron friends had to comment on it

Epic(2)
2130
Posted 2010-07-15T12:39:45-07:00
Just think of how different the world would be if Noah had eaten those two chickens.

Funny(1)
2540
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