Share

Posted 2014-10-23T01:28:41+02:00
It's only gambling if you're losing.

Win(2)
Posted 2014-10-23T01:28:13+02:00
To find your prince you need to kiss a few frogs not sleep with the whole pond.

Epic(1)
Posted 2014-10-23T01:23:05+02:00
Can't stop drinking about you

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-10-23T01:21:15+02:00
When prostitutes go on strike they really don't give a fuck.

-1(0)
Posted 2014-10-23T01:20:57+02:00
Never, ever ask a woman if she's pregnant unless you see an actual baby being born. Even then, act surprised.

Epic(2)
Posted 2014-10-22T23:35:05+02:00
I want to wear the scariest costume I can think of to work for Halloween this year, so I'm going as a pregnancy test.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-10-22T23:05:34+02:00
I feel like there's something missing in my life and I don't know if it's a person, a puppy, or just a burrito.

Fail(1)
Posted 2014-10-22T19:38:34+02:00
The year is 2089. Toasters are made clear now and no one burns toast or bagels. Crime is at 0%

Epic(1)
Comment by Anonymous

And then you woke up.

Posted 2014-10-22T19:12:58+02:00
You can stop trying to drive me crazy. I'm honestly close enough to walk to it from here.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

This one has been around for years..

Posted 2014-10-22T19:10:56+02:00
Pocketwatches were replaced by wristwatches, which became digitalwatches, which were replaced by mobile phones. Which we keep in our pockets

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Which are now being replaced by watch phones

Comment by Anonymous

Smart watches were created they did not evolve. And 3........2..........1.........

Comment by Anonymous

You left out the whole smart watch evolution

Posted 2014-10-22T02:05:47+02:00
I peed so hard that a little laugh came out

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Ive seen this one for years now! seems to show us every few months.

Posted 2014-10-21T23:12:39+02:00
The difference between cheating on your wife and cheating on your taxes is if you tell the truth, the IRS still wants to fuck you.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

My husband cheated on me and I am still screwing him. The way I see it, you need to get yours.. Why add another number just yet. Make him the rebound.

Posted 2014-10-21T22:37:43+02:00
I'm just a Stupid looking for my I'm With

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

No, you're just a stupid dip shit who doesn't make any fucking sense.

Posted 2014-10-21T22:34:27+02:00
I just flew in from Detroit, and Boy my palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy

Fail(3)
Comment by Anonymous

2002 called, they think you're a twat

Posted 2014-10-21T22:32:24+02:00
I'm trying to kick dairy and now I've got the milk shakes

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Don't have a cow, man

Posted 2014-10-21T22:26:43+02:00
Peeta and Katniss have the potential for the most inappropriate celebrity couple nickname ever.

Get a Life(2)
Comment by Stewie71

that is awesome!

Comment by Anonymous

titles? Katta is a real word in another language. Maybe if you sucked less cocks in school you could have learned how to spell and think. And if you really thought I missed the obvious I guess you are about as smart as the average poster on here, picklesmoocher.

Comment by Anonymous

Peeniss you titles asshat

Posted 2014-10-21T22:24:52+02:00
Son have I told you about the birds & the bees? Dad you're an ornithologist & moms an entomologist it's literally all you guys talk about

Get a Life(2)
Posted 2014-10-21T22:14:57+02:00
I usually base my religious and political beliefs on flyers and pamphlets handed to me on the street.

Funny(2)
Posted 2014-10-21T22:04:26+02:00
What's the level of crazy above a straitjacket?

Get a Life(2)
Comment by Anonymous

A straightjacket?

Posted 2014-10-21T21:16:36+02:00
My neck, my back, my Netflix and my snacks.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

LMFAO !!! Hilariousness... Now I am gonna be singing that nasty song all day. Thank fuck I am staying home. *Stands in line at bank.. - "Lick my pussy and my crack." - I'd die.


Total Number of Statuses:25351

Status Stalker Login

Want to post a funny status? Well login isn't required but if you register and login you will have access to all the extra features status stalker has to offer.

Username:
Password:
Forgot Password?

Stalker Map

Facebook Addict Intervention Parody