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Posted 2014-09-14T05:19:45+02:00
There's no panic like trying to press "End" when you make an accidental call.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-09-14T05:18:56+02:00
Donald Duck, saying fuck you to pants since 1934

Epic(1)
Posted 2014-09-14T05:14:13+02:00
I don't go on a date until at least the third sex.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-09-14T05:13:41+02:00
If you get a new job before you quit your old one, it's considered responsible. But if you do that with your gf, it's called "cheating."

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-09-14T05:09:18+02:00
The dumbest people on earth are generally located in comment sections of websites all over the world.

Epic(3)
Comment by Anonymous

your wright!! dat b very tru

Posted 2014-09-14T05:09:06+02:00
No one asks the tough questions, like why are drug dealers on the metric system?

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

First comment made me LOL for real

Comment by Anonymous

how else do you evenly break up an ounce and still make sure that the client has enough for his needs. Its a business, not fema

Posted 2014-09-14T04:58:11+02:00
It takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile so remember, happy people are pussies!

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-09-14T04:47:35+02:00
Just once I want my boss to assume I'm tired in the morning because I fight crime all night, not because of all the booze I drank.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-09-13T14:51:49+02:00
I'd be unstoppable if it wasn't for law enforcement and physics.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-09-12T17:16:43+02:00
Porn is so misleading. There's no way that dudes with tribal tattoos have that much sex.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-09-12T17:16:14+02:00
GTA 5 is so realistic that even the characters in the game aren't answering the phone when I call them.

Funny(2)
Posted 2014-09-12T17:15:23+02:00
I'm going to switch my insurance from Geico to Allstate, then Statefarm, then back to Geico. If i'm correct, they should owe me $950.

Fail(2)
Comment by Anonymous

I so wish you could like the comments here

Comment by Anonymous

You're not, It would be better for you to leave the thinking to others.

Posted 2014-09-12T17:15:05+02:00
God created the orgasm so women can moan even when they're happy.

Funny(3)
Comment by Anonymous

Best Status Ever

Comment by Anonymous

Best Status Ever

Posted 2014-09-12T17:10:41+02:00
You can tell everything you need to know about a person by their average corn chip to salsa ratio.

Win(2)
Comment by Anonymous

I can easier tell by the shit they post online.

Comment by Anonymous

Go stand in the corner.

Posted 2014-09-12T17:09:40+02:00
It saddens me that today's youth will never have to endure the character-building pain of waiting for dial-up Internet to connect.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-09-12T17:08:16+02:00
I call my fists Thunder & Lightning because there's about a one in a million chance that they'll cause any damage.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-09-12T17:05:27+02:00
North West sneezes. Kanye says "Kanye bless you" Kim slams her fist down "God damn it, Kanye" Kanye says "No, It's 'Kanye Damn it', Babe"

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-09-12T16:58:59+02:00
Today is so hot that it's not returning my text messages.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-09-12T16:58:14+02:00
One time I asked "What would Jesus do?" & then a close friend betrayed me & everyone started misinterpreting what I said for their own gains.

Get a Life(2)
Posted 2014-09-11T00:43:53+02:00
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit?

Get a Life(2)
Comment by Anonymous

VV Yes and I tried it but the fat lazy slobs would not kill themselves by any way but the diabetes and heart disease.

Comment by Anonymous

I bet you could get your pants on if you let go of your crotch

Comment by Anonymous

v wow. have you ever considered being a motivational speaker?

Comment by Anonymous

Just kill yourself you fat lazy slob.


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