Funny Epic Win Get A Life Fail Share
Now to be a true rebel you have to have zero tattoos.
"I don't trust you to not buy drugs" -people who give gift cards
Kanye said he is an intellectual who doesn't read books. Which I get because I am an an athlete that rarely moves.
my 'haha' is more genuine than my 'lol.'
To the world you might just be one person, but to one person you'll always be an asshole.
Do vampires have periods?
You just don't see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.
It would be so cool to be able to see an album of all the pictures you've accidentally photobombed in public
You can't buy happiness, but you can buy a huge house and cry in any room you like.
Once again I've woken up without super powers.
All I'm saying is if paper beats rock why are rocks used as paperweights?
The only man worth waiting for is the delivery guy
Text:I wanna be inside you. Reply: You were for 9 months. Sorry mom wrong number.
I'm going to open my own ice cream shop that will have unique flavors like "Don't be sad", "He's not worth it" & "You deserve better".
A new football season is like marriage, it starts with hope, it's always a struggle, and when we're unhappy we blame our partner or manager.
People are generally unhappy until they get what they want, then the cycle starts all over again.
I throw small pieces of bread at your duck face selfies
I'll never be happy at a job until i'm able to clock out after sliding down a dinosaur.
How to keep your girlfriend happy:
1. Treat her like your iPhone
2. Fuck her like she just broke your Xbox.
You should be required to read a book for every 10 selfies you take.
Total Number of Statuses:26846
Recent Funny Statuses If you need a funny status for your facebook or Twitter, Status Stalker has the largest collection of the funniest statuses. Every wants people to like their status updates so make your worth liking by making your friends laugh instead of posting what you had for lunch.
Facebook Addict Intervention Parody