Posted 2014-12-15T05:44:35+01:00
The older I get, the more I understand someone's desire to just say-"Fuck it. I'm going to be drunk all the time & live under this bridge."

Posted 2014-12-15T05:35:27+01:00
Decided to make a life altering decision today.... When I think of it I'll let you know

Posted 2014-12-15T05:26:58+01:00
I don't like who I am when I see a wasp.

Posted 2014-12-15T05:24:11+01:00
Psychopaths and Eskimos are the only groups of people who can comfortably sleep with socks on.

Posted 2014-12-15T05:22:54+01:00
If cheese made you drunk, I wouldn't be able to walk right now.

Posted 2014-12-15T05:21:23+01:00
If you didn't want me stopping by for cake, you shouldn't have advertised your birthday with balloons & banner on your mailbox.

Posted 2014-12-15T05:20:54+01:00
This would look great on you. *points at self

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-12-15T05:19:14+01:00
The heart wants what the liquor store has.

Get a Life(3)
Posted 2014-12-15T05:18:56+01:00
Love is just a bunch of feelings put into four letters.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-12-15T05:18:03+01:00
This patience thing takes forever.

Posted 2014-12-15T05:16:19+01:00
People who walk down the escalator. Stop it, we have enough over achievers!

Posted 2014-12-15T05:12:36+01:00
Costco: The most expensive place in the world to save money.

Posted 2014-12-15T05:12:04+01:00
Don't push me away and then say we drifted apart.

Get a Life(2)
Posted 2014-12-15T05:11:40+01:00
I've been told my posts are too depressing but what does it matter. We'll all be dead soon anyway.

Posted 2014-12-15T05:05:15+01:00
Normally you're not allowed to sneak down people's chimneys but there's a Santa clause in the law

Posted 2014-12-15T05:04:53+01:00
Guys just want a slutty innocent virgin and girls just want an attentive, aloof, nice, bad guy.

Get a Life(2)
Posted 2014-12-13T08:14:36+01:00
My favorite typo is when I leave a whole entire out.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-12-13T08:12:07+01:00
I just gotta believe that as a species we're capable of making an automatic hand dryer that's quieter than an airplane.

Comment by Anonymous

That sound means it's the shy but loud sh*tters time to shine

Posted 2014-12-13T07:58:37+01:00
God only gives you what you can handle. Really? Because I'm pretty sure I could handle way more money.

Posted 2014-12-13T07:56:33+01:00
Man: You look pretty today. Woman: Did I look bad yesterday? It was my hair wasn't it? You think I'm fat.


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