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Posted 2015-05-18T20:27:10+02:00
Well, fitness pals, I have finally found my favorite machine at the gym. The vending machine.

Fail(1)
Comment by Anonymous

V Older, like your comment.

Comment by Anonymous

Old, like the crust on your underwear.

Posted 2015-05-18T04:59:50+02:00
Did some financial planning and it looks like I can retire at 62 and live comfortably for eleven minutes.

Funny(4)
Comment by Anonymous

Oh that was a JOKE.. wow here I thought jokes were supposed to be funny. I guess twat waffles like you will laugh at anything.

Comment by Anonymous

Guess you should just recognize a JOKE and shut the fuck up

Comment by Anonymous

Guess you should've worked smarter not harder

Posted 2015-05-18T04:50:11+02:00
If my Dr. ever told me that one more slice of pizza would kill me, it would be the hardest thing I ever did. .....trying to decide where to order that pizza from

Funny(0)
Comment by Anonymous

Just get a new doctor. Problem solved. Boom.

Posted 2015-05-18T01:43:21+02:00
Appreciate "the little things" in life...unless it's a penis, no one's gonna appreciate that.

Epic(4)
Comment by Anonymous

i love penis!!i love sucking on them.

Comment by Anonymous

A pedophile would, just sayin.

Posted 2015-05-18T00:59:59+02:00
Take Chantix, Viagra, and Ambien you will sleepwalk to your neighbors house and kill them with your cock.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Death from 1000 pin pricks.

Posted 2015-05-18T00:58:14+02:00
You know you're getting older when your friends start using the term "Pregnant" instead of "Knocked Up,"

Fail(1)
Posted 2015-05-18T00:56:25+02:00
Well, guy I've only met once who remembers my name,...you win this round.

Epic(1)
Posted 2015-05-16T05:23:01+02:00
I'm only really attracted to brunettes but blondes and redheads are hot too.

Fail(5)
Comment by Anonymous

Be honest, you're really only attracted to men.

Posted 2015-05-16T05:10:56+02:00
Half the battle is choosing which battle to fight

Epic(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Battle deez nutz!

Comment by Anonymous

Like the battle to decide whether or not you should post this

Posted 2015-05-16T05:10:36+02:00
Sometimes the secret to getting what you want is to give it first.

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

So you suck a ton of cock then.

Posted 2015-05-16T04:52:43+02:00
Life hack: If you keep your mouth shut, no one will know you're so stupid

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

fuckin yopu always running his mouth..

Comment by Anonymous

I told yopu not to talk, now everybody knows the truth

Comment by Anonymous

That is in the bible.

Posted 2015-05-16T04:38:40+02:00
I put my pants on just like everyone else: in your mom’s bedroom in the morning

Fail(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Lame as all hell.

Comment by Anonymous

Your sister has cheaper rates than his mom, and she has less diseases.

Posted 2015-05-15T23:42:33+02:00
My Facebook page -- raise your hand if you have fuzzy dice hanging on the rear view mirror in your car. I'm cleaning out my friend list and need to know who to delete

Get a Life(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Disco Stu says fuzzy dice rule!!

Comment by Anonymous

Says the people that have fuzzy dice hanging in their car....

Comment by Anonymous

More annoying are the idiots with balls hanging from the trailer hitch

Comment by Anonymous

Go stand in the corner.

Comment by Anonymous

Give yourself an upper cut!!

Posted 2015-05-15T22:14:51+02:00
Next time your Ex ask you for money give them a bunch of pennies a couple nickels and a handful of quarters and when they ask "What the fuck is this?" Be like 'That's all you'! I only fuck with DIMES!!!!

Get a Life(2)
Comment by Anonymous

I think you only fuck with DUDES because you make no cents.

Posted 2015-05-15T06:36:51+02:00
My parallel parking skills are unparalleled.

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

The adequacy of your life skills is inadequate.

Posted 2015-05-15T06:33:55+02:00
So many angry people on the internet. Get laid.

Funny(6)
Comment by Anonymous

We are getting laid and waking quite happy, then we read this shit.

Comment by Anonymous

Is your mom in town again?

Posted 2015-05-14T22:52:30+02:00
The longest and shortest sentence ever: I do.

Epic(2)
Posted 2015-05-14T02:13:09+02:00
I'm all for our rights as Americans, but I wouldn't be too upset if being able to wear a bikini at the beach involved an application process.

Get a Life(3)
Posted 2015-05-13T05:31:29+02:00
Sometimes it physically pains me to hold back my sarcastic comments

Win(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Then don't. The world is not complete without your sarcastic comments.

Posted 2015-05-13T05:12:18+02:00
Son: dad I don't know anything about women Dad: then you are at the point where I can teach you no more, you are ready

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Is this the way you both decided to come out of the closet?


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