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Posted 2015-08-25T05:50:47+02:00
Now to be a true rebel you have to have zero tattoos.

Funny(2)
Posted 2015-08-25T05:50:19+02:00
"I don't trust you to not buy drugs" -people who give gift cards

Epic(1)
Comment by Anonymous

My dealer takes Gift cards...

Posted 2015-08-25T05:49:21+02:00
Kanye said he is an intellectual who doesn't read books. Which I get because I am an an athlete that rarely moves.

Funny(1)
Posted 2015-08-25T05:46:43+02:00
my 'haha' is more genuine than my 'lol.'

Funny(1)
Posted 2015-08-25T05:44:12+02:00
To the world you might just be one person, but to one person you'll always be an asshole.

Epic(1)
Posted 2015-08-25T05:43:10+02:00
Do vampires have periods?

Fail(2)
Comment by Anonymous

that really sucks.

Comment by Anonymous

female ones maybe

Posted 2015-08-25T05:35:41+02:00
You just don't see enough people being taken away in straight jackets anymore.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

That's because they all run for elected offices.

Posted 2015-08-25T05:35:17+02:00
It would be so cool to be able to see an album of all the pictures you've accidentally photobombed in public

Funny(1)
Posted 2015-08-25T05:35:11+02:00
You can't buy happiness, but you can buy a huge house and cry in any room you like.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2015-08-24T04:23:16+02:00
Once again I've woken up without super powers. Sigh

Get a Life(3)
Comment by Anonymous

and with a same sex preference just like every other band wagon genitalia loving hype hopper.

Comment by Anonymous

and with no intelligence or looks either....

Posted 2015-08-24T03:42:59+02:00
All I'm saying is if paper beats rock why are rocks used as paperweights?

Funny(1)
Posted 2015-08-24T03:40:52+02:00
The only man worth waiting for is the delivery guy

Funny(2)
Posted 2015-08-24T03:31:57+02:00
Text:I wanna be inside you. Reply: You were for 9 months. Sorry mom wrong number.

Funny(2)
Posted by Biggsswayze 2015-08-21T06:06:37+02:00
I'm going to open my own ice cream shop that will have unique flavors like "Don't be sad", "He's not worth it" & "You deserve better".

Epic(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Free cat with 10th purchase!

Comment by Anonymous

srry yahoooooooeeeeee, not Google.

Comment by Anonymous

page 34 from the current lineup. I kno because I searched for your name with Google, Biggs.

Posted 2015-08-18T04:04:11+02:00
A new football season is like marriage, it starts with hope, it's always a struggle, and when we're unhappy we blame our partner or manager.

Fail(3)
Comment by Anonymous

The real problem is your deflated balls.

Posted 2015-08-18T04:01:57+02:00
People are generally unhappy until they get what they want, then the cycle starts all over again.

Get a Life(2)
Posted 2015-08-18T03:58:07+02:00
I throw small pieces of bread at your duck face selfies

Funny(4)
Posted 2015-08-18T03:55:34+02:00
I'll never be happy at a job until i'm able to clock out after sliding down a dinosaur.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

You could just go hang yourself now and save your family lots of future disappointment.

Posted 2015-08-18T03:53:24+02:00
How to keep your girlfriend happy: 1. Treat her like your iPhone 2. Fuck her like she just broke your Xbox.

Funny(3)
Comment by Anonymous

Lmfaoooooooooo vvvvvv

Comment by Anonymous

How to keep everyone on StatusStalker happy: 1. Treat this page like you never go on it. 2. Fuck everything and just leave StatusStalker.

Posted 2015-08-18T03:52:46+02:00
You should be required to read a book for every 10 selfies you take.

Funny(1)

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