Posted 2014-08-29T17:21:17+02:00
Love is like Wi-Fi, you can't see it, but you know when you've lost it.

Comment by Anonymous

u can see wi-fi.. just search for it... wat lame example.

Comment by Anonymous

His mom has loved me several times......she really good at it!!!

Comment by Anonymous

you think his mom loves him?

Comment by Anonymous

Vv Just because no one loves you besides your mom doesn't mske this status as sucky as your own life boy vV

Posted 2014-08-29T17:19:13+02:00
Men are like mascara, they usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Um, boys maybe. Women are the ones who can't make up their damn minds.

Posted 2014-08-29T17:10:30+02:00
I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like. It was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.

Posted 2014-08-29T17:09:34+02:00
"K." is the shortest way to spell "Fuck you"

Posted 2014-08-27T22:04:10+02:00
That weird feeling when you wake up from a nap & you don't whether it's am or pm or what day, month, or year it is.

Posted 2014-08-27T22:03:51+02:00
Wedding cake... one last reminder of what it was like to shove something in her mouth.

Posted 2014-08-27T01:31:28+02:00
Guy: hey nice to meet you my name is Dolan. Me: sorry, but I'm absolutely not calling you that. Do you have an alternative prepared?

Comment by Anonymous

Very stupid, don't quit your day job, you are not funny.

Posted 2014-08-27T01:29:11+02:00
Bizarre that someone said, "aren't you all that and a bag of potato chips" and another person was like, "I'm going to start saying that too"

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-08-27T01:23:33+02:00
Sex is like pizza, if you're going to use bbq sauce you better know what the fuck you're doing

Posted 2014-08-27T01:23:03+02:00
The best part of professional sports is seeing sad men with their faces painted

Get a Life(2)
Posted 2014-08-27T01:21:43+02:00
All I'm saying is you don't see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy

Comment by Anonymous

And you can't spell either. Thanks for confirming this status is more truth than fiction.

Comment by Anonymous

I hav a nek tatoo and this post makes no cents at all, ideots!

Comment by Anonymous

12 and they likely had someone read it to them.

Comment by Anonymous

I see 10 people who read this have neck tattoos...

Posted 2014-08-27T01:20:37+02:00
There are more skeletons wearing suits beneath the ground than there are living people.

Posted 2014-08-27T01:19:55+02:00
Arguing with guy at the bar and he claimed Wikipedia was an unreliable source, suggesting instead that I listen to him, a drunk guy at a bar

Get a Life(3)
Comment by Anonymous

He is probably still smarter than you.

Posted 2014-08-27T01:18:18+02:00
When I asked for a bag at Trader Joe's the cashier sighed like there was a bag shortage and she had a baby that could only eat bags

Posted 2014-08-27T01:15:42+02:00
Lifehack: If whenever someone asks your opinion on something you say, "Now thats-a spicy meatball!" people will learn not to ask you things.

Posted 2014-08-27T01:15:08+02:00
The USA is having so many disasters and tragedies you'd almost think it was built on thousands of ancient Indian burial grounds.

Comment by Anonymous

I guess they also believe that dead people can still do things too. Must be democratic voters. They will believe anything.

Comment by Anonymous

v They're referring to the whole myth of "white people stole this land." Which clearly, them and a lot of others are terrible at history and have no idea what the "spoils of war" are.

Comment by Anonymous

Why? What can a bunch of dead indians do to cause anything?

Posted 2014-08-27T01:12:24+02:00
Very nervous to use the bathroom because I ate twenty-five sticks of gum exactly 7 years ago tonight

Posted 2014-08-27T01:09:19+02:00
It's not that we're afraid to lose them but afraid to lose ourselves in them.

Posted 2014-08-26T03:51:57+02:00
"Sir, do you know why I pulled you over?" "One second. Siri, do you know why this dick pulled me over?"

Posted 2014-08-26T03:50:01+02:00
If women are so perfect at multitasking, how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?

Comment by Anonymous

Because you're ugly.

Comment by Anonymous

V hope your headache goes away soon, bitch

Comment by Anonymous

Not funny at all

Total Number of Statuses:24947

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