Share

Posted 2015-04-11T22:42:57+02:00
You can't judge a book by its cover, but you CAN judge one by its width.

Funny(1)
Posted 2015-04-11T05:17:23+02:00
For the longest time I pledged allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the Republic for Richard Stands...

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

I bet 4th grade was 4 of your best years at school.

Posted 2015-04-10T16:34:06+02:00
Have you ever seen someone and thought "wow I'd love to be responsible for your next orgasm"

Win(3)
Comment by Anonymous

Like you know how to give one.

Comment by Anonymous

In the heterosexual sense. SURE!

Posted 2015-04-09T21:45:37+02:00
I once kissed a frog, but it turned into an effeminate black man who drove away on a purple motorcycle singing about raspberry berets.

Fail(3)
Posted 2015-04-09T21:42:09+02:00
Why does everyone dress their toddler like a rich gay man?

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Ask your "partner".

Comment by Anonymous

Don't be jealous!!

Comment by Anonymous

They like your style?

Posted 2015-04-09T21:37:29+02:00
If you're telekinetic and you know it, clap my hands.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2015-04-09T21:35:04+02:00
"I'm having an affair" -An Italian inviting you to his fair

Get a Life(2)
Posted 2015-04-09T21:33:19+02:00
Strip Clubs: Where men go to get boners together as confirmation of their heterosexuality.

Fail(2)
Comment by Anonymous

V Keep trying. You are getting closer to being able to express yourself coherently.

Comment by Anonymous

And a reminder that you cannot do stiffen a guy's prick because McDonald's and apple pie taste too good, eh, complainer, whiner, ass face?.

Comment by Anonymous

and observant.

Comment by Anonymous

whoever came up with this is prob fat...

Posted 2015-04-09T21:29:07+02:00
You can't be funny and inspirational. Pick a struggle

Epic(3)
Comment by Anonymous

Voted “epic” just to annoy the two less under me…

Comment by Anonymous

Way to go, adviser!

Comment by Anonymous

You were neither. Great job.

Posted 2015-04-09T21:15:23+02:00
I could defuse a bomb if it sounded like an alarm clock and I was sleeping.

Funny(2)
Posted 2015-04-09T21:14:32+02:00
My friend is an engaged ninja & he put me in charge of his bachelor party. It started two hours ago & I still don't know if anyone's here.

Fail(3)
Comment by Anonymous

How on Earth were you allowed to enter your shitty post here?

Posted 2015-04-09T21:12:47+02:00
End all relationships after 2 months. People are terrible after that.

Get a Life(2)
Comment by Anonymous

It's probably just you.

Comment by Anonymous

You probably get dumped after 2 months for being a clingy douche

Comment by Anonymous

And yet another shitty unfunny post has slipped by an idiot staff member of this site.

Posted 2015-04-09T21:03:19+02:00
The only time I've passionately knocked everything off a table was when I was trying to make room for a pizza

Funny(3)
Posted 2015-04-09T20:58:51+02:00
When you want to break up with someone but you already developed a deep mutual emotional connection with their dog

Epic(1)
Posted 2015-04-09T06:55:30+02:00
Typing a question into Google is like telling someone a good joke; either way, you probably won't get exactly what you wanted.

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

No, you just suck at it.

Comment by Anonymous

I just shit myself knowing how unfunny that was.

Posted 2015-04-09T01:18:11+02:00
I'm not saying you're ugly, but if your face was an emoticon, no one would use it.

Fail(1)
Posted 2015-04-09T01:16:42+02:00
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Aliens must all be women, They want us to make the first move.

Get a Life(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Not you. They want you to go stand in the corner.

Posted 2015-04-09T00:47:07+02:00
Watching game shows is like watching porn, you get excited watching someone else get lucky

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2015-04-09T00:45:14+02:00
Apparently "Rack City" is not yet recognized as a valid destination on Google Maps.

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

#tennesseeproblems lol

Posted 2015-04-09T00:43:22+02:00
Whoever designs gas station parking lots needs to go back to gas station parking lot design school

Fail(1)

Total Number of Statuses:26700

Status Stalker Login

Want to post a funny status? Well login isn't required but if you register and login you will have access to all the extra features status stalker has to offer.

Username:
Password:
Forgot Password?

Stalker Map

Facebook Addict Intervention Parody