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Posted 2015-08-05T07:52:59-06:00
I was at the pool today and tried to sneak a quick pee in the deep end. The lifeguard must have seen me. He blew his whistle so loud that I almost fell in.

Funny(4)
Comment by Anonymous

Did you expect more from this place?

Comment by Anonymous

Still nothing new. Site shut down for a week and post is still old as fuck

Comment by Anonymous

The fucks at StatusStalker need to get their fucking shit together.

Comment by Anonymous

lol though the site had been shut down or something

Comment by Anonymous

and just as lame as ever.

Comment by Anonymous

Aaaaand we're back

Posted 2015-08-05T07:51:42-06:00
I'm 0-9 on finding secret rooms behind bookcases.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

You are 0-9 or higher for many things in life including posting funny statuses.

Posted 2015-08-04T15:35:18-06:00
You guys keep arguing about flags and lions............and the WHOLE TIME, I'M THINKING "I'm pretty sure putting time limits on when breakfast is served is unconstitutional"

Fail(3)
Comment by Anonymous

I hope you didn't tax your pathetic brain cells too much. Maybe if you got your fat lazy ass out of bed you would not keep missing breakfast. Just sayin.

Posted 2015-08-04T07:50:27-06:00
You are on the list of the many things I would do for a Klondike bar.

Funny(4)
Posted 2015-08-04T07:50:06-06:00
Know those adorable idiosyncrasies you loved when first dating? After 10 years of marriage they become what the police refer to as "motive".

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

V Hmm where is your trail so we can know who you are you keyboard hero? Gotta love self righteous hypocrites posting here.

Comment by Anonymous

Love an anonymous "keyboard bully" that make sure his immature comment doesn't leave a trail to asshole city!

Comment by Anonymous

V Wow, you were able to look up a word and paste a definition. You are going places.

Comment by Anonymous

Idiosyncrasies - a mode of behavior or way of thought peculiar to an individual. "one of his little idiosyncrasies was always preferring to be in the car first" You're welcome.

Posted 2015-08-04T07:45:33-06:00
Not to victim-blame, but maybe Bruce Wayne's father shouldn't have brought his wife and 8 yr old son to a place called Crime Alley.

Win(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Bruce Wayne's parents being murdered was the best thing that ever happened to Gotham. In Batman: Dark Victory the Wayne murders were the main cause of much of the corruption and crime in Gotham City, the tipping point that caused citizens to lose faith in the police, and the police themselves started to lose faith in themselves, leading to corruption within the force. Thus, if they had not been killed, Gotham would not have needed Batman.

Comment by Anonymous

Fuck the stupid people who charge the police.

Comment by Anonymous

fuck the police

Comment by Anonymous

That was not called that util after the murder. Kind of like your were not a bastard before your were born.

Posted 2015-08-04T07:05:12-06:00
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better argument than yours.

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

I could crap a better status than this.

Comment by Anonymous

From 'Everybody Loves Raymond'

Posted 2015-08-03T23:45:58-06:00
I never said "you were stupid" I said "you are stupid", there's nothing past tense about it!

Funny(4)
Posted 2015-08-03T16:16:04-06:00
People who actually rate porn videos are the unsung heroes of our generation.

Get a Life(2)
Posted 2015-07-30T22:29:39-06:00
I seriously hate it when a couple starts having an argument in front of you. They could have least waited until I got dressed and left.

Funny(5)
Comment by Anonymous

I wonder if the SS admins were so shocked out of their already fully dysfunctional minds that we've had to wait over a week for some more.

Comment by Anonymous

3 men and a little lady but the lady is a tramp.

Comment by Anonymous

3 men and a Baby

Comment by Anonymous

3 men actually.

Comment by Anonymous

Actually the couple was 2 men.

Comment by Anonymous

Oh. I see now. Thank you for the explanation. :)

Comment by Anonymous

He is saying he was the reason for them fighting. And the fact that he has to get dressed means he's porking the wife. Porking means banging.

Comment by Anonymous

Maybe it's the language barrier, but I don't get this one. Can someone explain? Danke.

Comment by Anonymous

Best thing I've read in months on here. Keep em coming

Comment by Anonymous

Idk who you are, but please post some more statuses. Thanks.

Posted 2015-07-30T22:27:48-06:00
Police ordered me to get out of my car 'You're staggering' said the officer .'you're not a bad looking fucker yourself' I replied

Funny(5)
Posted 2015-07-30T22:20:15-06:00
My favorite competitive sport is never texting first.

Funny(1)
Posted 2015-07-30T22:17:22-06:00
The idea of meeting someone on a dating website is more terrifying to me than dying alone.

Epic(4)
Comment by Anonymous

V So did all the women he has been having sex with since he met you.

Comment by Anonymous

I met my husband online :)

Comment by Anonymous

Good call for you. You are avoiding lots of rejection by anyone who you would ever meet.

Posted 2015-07-30T22:06:14-06:00
Soccer is just like my sex life. Long periods of time with no action followed by pure shock & surprise by all parties involved when I score.

Epic(2)
Comment by Anonymous

And just like soccer, all the parties involved on the playing field are the same sex.

Posted 2015-07-30T22:05:36-06:00
Haters gonna hate, your honor

Funny(1)
Posted 2015-07-30T21:59:40-06:00
When people stay in a horrific relationship instead of breaking up, I assume they killed someone together.

Funny(4)
Posted 2015-07-30T21:47:06-06:00
I'm so Canadian I say 'thanks' to automatic flush toilets

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

That was the change basket in a toll booth sir.

Posted 2015-07-30T21:45:25-06:00
I wish life were like The Walking Dead. No boss, no shit job, no bills, being outdoors, living off the land, stabbing zombies.

Funny(1)
Posted 2015-07-30T21:43:34-06:00
Remember when teachers asked to lie quietly with your head on your desk? My boss has yet to be impressed with this skill.

Funny(2)
Posted 2015-07-30T21:41:02-06:00
The guy who spelled 'Wednesday' like that sure pulled off some shit.

Funny(1)

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