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Posted 2015-10-25T20:01:18-06:00
My emotional life is just the constant sensation of fighting my way out of a hammock.

Funny(2)
Posted 2015-10-25T20:00:56-06:00
I think I'm going to cry now for a very long time. #TheWalkingDead

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

According to the comic book story line, Glen isn't dead. The other guy fell on top of him and those were the guts you saw. Glen doesn't live too much longer, but he ain't dead yet!

Posted 2015-10-24T15:13:08-06:00
What if I told you replying to trolls is for losers?

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2015-10-23T15:11:54-06:00
If you're not singing "Hitler Baby one more time" to the tune of Britney Spears' "Hit Me Baby One More Time" I'm sorry but you are now.

Get a Life(3)
Comment by Anonymous

I prefer the Rihanna feat Chris Brown version of hit me baby one more time.

Comment by Anonymous

Well I think we finally did it. Every funny status in the world has already been posted.

Comment by Anonymous

V What both those guys said.

Comment by Anonymous

No matter how many Hitler jokes you make, they'll never be funny. Not because Hitler isn't funny, but because you're not funny. Now go away.

Comment by Anonymous

plz stop with the stupid shit

Posted 2015-10-23T15:11:07-06:00
Does this baby hitler have the mustache or nah because that's crucial

Get a Life(4)
Posted 2015-10-23T15:08:23-06:00
You can't go back in time and kill baby hitler because then you'd just be the guy that went back in time and killed a random baby

Get a Life(4)
Posted 2015-10-23T15:08:06-06:00
And just like that Baby Hitler becomes 2015's "It" Halloween costume.

Funny(2)
Posted 2015-10-22T15:59:29-06:00
"Madame Secretary can you please say somethin' that might keep you from bein' the next President?" "No thanks fellas I'll just be President"

Get a Life(4)
Comment by Anonymous

I think both ...... Go eat more paint

Comment by Anonymous

45 thumbs down and it's a 'win'?

Comment by Anonymous

Were you born clueless or did you eat a lot of lead paint as a child?

Posted 2015-10-19T17:50:04-06:00
Anyone else notice that the world economy started to tank and terrorism boomed around the time that gluten-free products became a thing?

Funny(3)
Comment by Anonymous

uhhhhhhhh.... :///

Posted 2015-10-17T15:47:19-06:00
My Spirit animal hunts other spirit animals.

Get a Life(2)
Comment by Anonymous

V congrats for being the biggest nipple nose on the internet

Comment by Anonymous

Congrats on the worst post in the history of status stalker boy

Posted 2015-10-17T15:37:42-06:00
When I see people putting their heart and soul into singing to themselves in their car. I find a little faith in humanity.

Get a Life(4)
Posted 2015-10-17T15:37:05-06:00
Fuck, you are my favorite word. I love you Fuck.

Get a Life(2)
Posted 2015-10-17T15:13:38-06:00
Dudes in porn, shut the hell up.

Get a Life(3)
Comment by Anonymous

Especially when there's no chicks at all in the film

Posted 2015-10-17T15:11:30-06:00
The D in friendzone is ironic.

Funny(3)
Posted 2015-10-17T15:10:32-06:00
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it's sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can't really touch anything.

Epic(2)
Posted 2015-10-17T15:09:09-06:00
Every time I spend more than $100 on a date my bank calls me just to make sure that I'll be getting laid.

Epic(1)
Posted 2015-10-17T15:07:55-06:00
The best part of being a kid is probably saying, fuck it. I'm going to be Spider-Man today."

Funny(2)
Posted 2015-10-17T15:04:12-06:00
Pretty sure one of my ex-girlfriends added the, "are you still listening?" feature on Pandora.

Get a Life(2)
Posted 2015-10-17T15:03:25-06:00
I finally had the talk with my kids. I told them that in the wild animals eat their young so they better get their shit together.

Funny(3)
Posted 2015-10-17T15:03:13-06:00
The President used the n-word? I'm sure he is not the first president to do that.

Funny(2)

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