Posted 2014-11-05T02:16:30+01:00
Just drink until you're someone elses problem.

Posted 2014-11-05T02:15:24+01:00
The condoms need to be located in the fucking baby aisle Next to the 30 dollar diapers and 20 dollar formula cans

Posted 2014-11-05T02:14:51+01:00
You can't make someone respect you, but you can sure as hell refuse to be disrespected.

Posted 2014-11-05T02:10:28+01:00
Male camel toe? Dude that's just nuts.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-11-05T02:09:00+01:00
Girls aren't crazy, they just need reassurance that you love them and you'll never look at that fucking whore again or I'll show you crazy

Comment by Anonymous

Girls aren't crazy, you're just a disrespectful asshat.

Posted 2014-11-04T23:45:26+01:00
For all the horny Asians out there, happy erection day

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-11-03T17:31:48+01:00
Remember, vote Republican or you will die of Ebola while an illegal-immigrant terror baby steals your guns and turns your family gay.

Get a Life(10)
Comment by Anonymous

Looks like everyone did vote Republican. HA HA HA HA HA

Comment by Anonymous

V For you that is probably true. Maybe you should have stayed in school past the 3rd grade.

Comment by Anonymous

Fox News says books are only good for beating your wife and kids!

Comment by Anonymous

Dems talk about freedom to do what they want, but fail to offer that same privilege to anyone else that doesn't agree with them. #hypocrite

Comment by Anonymous

^^The dying art of knowing when to shut the fuck up.

Comment by Anonymous

The funny thing is that it´s the dems out there trying to scare people... Pelosi spoke of the end of civilization... and most are making up stories about the KKK and such (even though the KKK was started by dems). Pretty much what you posted, but the other way around. And yeah, it's laughable.

Posted 2014-11-03T04:45:17+01:00
The dying art of knowing when to shut the fuck up.

Posted 2014-11-03T04:41:47+01:00
I don't know, Jay-Z. If I was worth half a billion dollars, I'd have like 3 problems. Max.

Comment by Anonymous

You're too stupid, you're too ugly, and you're hung like a baby. Other than that no problems.

Posted 2014-11-03T04:40:50+01:00
The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won't go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5.

Comment by Anonymous

This one is sooooooooooooooo old!

Posted 2014-11-03T04:39:06+01:00
When someone chooses the stall next to me when plenty others are available I tap my foot 3 times and ask, "You got the stuff?".

Posted 2014-11-03T04:33:59+01:00
Humans are the only creature in this world, who cut down trees, make paper from it and then write, "SAVE TREES" on it.

Comment by Anonymous

Because animals can't write..

Posted 2014-11-03T04:33:43+01:00
You know that button in the elevator with the fireman's hat on it? It turns out that is not the button you push if you want a fireman's hat.

Posted 2014-11-03T04:33:24+01:00
Life is like toilet paper. You're either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.

Posted 2014-11-03T04:28:24+01:00
A few more months without getting laid and I should be eligible for employment at Gamestop.

Comment by Anonymous

V Esp is he is into nerdy guys.

Comment by Anonymous

Why not go by Gamestop right now? You might find someone available that you like, and break this hopeless cycle you're stuck in.

Posted 2014-11-03T04:28:04+01:00
Just printed out 50 copies of today's weather forecast to carry around with me today because I'm just not in the mood for small talk.

Posted 2014-11-03T04:25:25+01:00
I just don't understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.

Comment by Anonymous

She is not an actual sales rep. She is really just a waitress they used for the ad. True story.

Posted 2014-11-03T04:22:07+01:00
Keep your friend's toast, but keep your enemy's toaster.

Posted 2014-11-03T04:18:58+01:00
You know it's been a good day when you finally take your pajamas off - and put some new ones on.

Posted 2014-11-03T04:17:59+01:00
I bet if dogs could talk, the first words out of their mouth would be "you gonna eat that?"


Total Number of Statuses:25763

Status Stalker Login

Want to post a funny status? Well login isn't required but if you register and login you will have access to all the extra features status stalker has to offer.

Forgot Password?

Stalker Map

Facebook Addict Intervention Parody