Funny Epic Win Get A Life Fail Share
Porn is so misleading. There's no way that dudes with tribal tattoos have that much sex.
GTA 5 is so realistic that even the characters in the game aren't answering the phone when I call them.
I'm going to switch my insurance from Geico to Allstate, then Statefarm, then back to Geico. If i'm correct, they should owe me $950.
God created the orgasm so women can moan even when they're happy.
You can tell everything you need to know about a person by their average corn chip to salsa ratio.
It saddens me that today's youth will never have to endure the character-building pain of waiting for dial-up Internet to connect.
I call my fists Thunder & Lightning because there's about a one in a million chance that they'll cause any damage.
North West sneezes. Kanye says "Kanye bless you" Kim slams her fist down "God damn it, Kanye" Kanye says "No, It's 'Kanye Damn it', Babe"
Today is so hot that it's not returning my text messages.
One time I asked "What would Jesus do?" & then a close friend betrayed me & everyone started misinterpreting what I said for their own gains.
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit?
I'm sorry, I like you, I really do, but my oxytocin, dopamine, and seratonin levels are just not where I'd like them to be, and I blame you.
Waiting for TMZ to leak a video of Roger Goodell watching the elevator video
Sorry I prematurely accelerated my particles and ruined our big bang
Somewhere an elderly lady reads a book on how to use the internet, while a young boy googles "how to read a book."
Is "drunk hobo" redundant? Are there sober hobos? Are they called "sobos"? Is this ambien ever going to kick in?
My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.
Climbing a ladder only to slide back down to where you started is a very clever life lesson, well done playground
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair.
I left my phone at home all day today. Is the sky always blue like that?
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