Posted 2014-10-15T18:12:56+02:00
Trying to convince a kid, no matter the age, that they're tired, is like trying to tell a drunk they're drunk. Denial & anger will follow.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-10-15T18:10:09+02:00
Don't think you're immune. We're all just a whim away from singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight." Yes, a whim away...a whim away...a whim away.

Posted 2014-10-15T18:09:57+02:00
I listen to the first 30-45 seconds of a butt dial like I'm an FBI agent in a surveillance van.

Comment by Anonymous

And you repeat yourself often.

Posted 2014-10-15T18:09:30+02:00
Why "Trojan" condoms? Didn't the Trojan horse burst open & thousands of little guys poured out? Less than stellar marketing.

Posted 2014-10-15T18:06:49+02:00
Just sitting here with a mouth full of Crest Whitestrips pretending to be Mike Tyson.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-10-14T20:38:37+02:00
Damn girl are you enough sleep because I want you so bad but I don't think it's gonna happen in this lifetime

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

I think that is true for any girl and you.

Posted 2014-10-14T20:38:02+02:00
Harry Potter and the Time He Straight Up Killed a Guy

Posted 2014-10-14T20:35:25+02:00
How did the space teddy bear cross the road? Ewoked

Comment by Anonymous

The Farce is not strong with this one.

Posted 2014-10-14T20:34:51+02:00
American Horror Story: My Socks Are Wet

Posted 2014-10-14T18:12:17+02:00
Mary Jane is the only woman you should ever hit.

Comment by Anonymous

V Too bad you are too much of a pussy to ever do it.

Comment by Anonymous

Mary Jane is my mother-in-law.... so this statement is very true.

Posted 2014-10-14T18:04:55+02:00
School prepares you for employment as much as fornication prepares you for parenthood.

Posted 2014-10-14T18:02:04+02:00
Sometimes i type LOL when I really just SNEL (single nostril exhale laugh)

Posted 2014-10-14T17:46:38+02:00
Luckily I had Ebola as a kid so I'm safe.

Comment by Anonymous

I had your mom as a kid, so she's a whore now.

Posted 2014-10-14T17:45:35+02:00
2nd rule of Fight Club: If you bring a dish to share, put your name on it so you'll be sure to get it back. Thanks and enjoy the fighting!

Posted 2014-10-14T17:29:35+02:00
I need to buy a laundry basket but first I have to know what is the official laundry basket of the NFL

Get a Life(2)
Posted 2014-10-14T17:10:00+02:00
I wonder how many lives we could save if we put pictures of missing kids on sweatpants instead of "JUICY"?

Posted 2014-10-14T17:08:27+02:00
Face tattoos are like regular tattoos except face ones let everyone know you'd rather not have a job where you pay taxes.

Comment by Anonymous

V-----dumb ass with a face tattoo. Most likely a big dick in the mouth. Probably Asian.

Posted 2014-10-14T17:06:35+02:00
The overspray from my windshield washer fluid just totaled a smart car.

Posted 2014-10-14T17:02:41+02:00
A car with a car rack looked like a police car, so I slowed down, only to realize I had been tricked into obeying the law FOR NO REASON.

Posted 2014-10-13T20:41:34+02:00
You made several good points, and I understand that you are right, but the way you said it was so douchey I have to take an opposite stance.

Get a Life(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Agree This poster is brilliant. Pick the side you know is wrong instead of just punching the douche. He says to jump off this cliff is death but just because he was a douche about you want to jump anyway to show him. He may be a douche but you are just a useless asshat.

Comment by Anonymous

I hate people who think this way. You're letting your emotions control you so much that you don't even care what is right anymore.

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