Funny Epic Win Get A Life Fail Share
Trying to convince a kid, no matter the age, that they're tired, is like trying to tell a drunk they're drunk. Denial & anger will follow.
Don't think you're immune. We're all just a whim away from singing "The Lion Sleeps Tonight." Yes, a whim away...a whim away...a whim away.
I listen to the first 30-45 seconds of a butt dial like I'm an FBI agent in a surveillance van.
Why "Trojan" condoms? Didn't the Trojan horse burst open & thousands of little guys poured out? Less than stellar marketing.
Just sitting here with a mouth full of Crest Whitestrips pretending to be Mike Tyson.
Damn girl are you enough sleep because I want you so bad but I don't think it's gonna happen in this lifetime
Harry Potter and the Time He Straight Up Killed a Guy
How did the space teddy bear cross the road?
American Horror Story: My Socks Are Wet
Mary Jane is the only woman you should ever hit.
School prepares you for employment as much as fornication prepares you for parenthood.
Sometimes i type LOL when I really just SNEL (single nostril exhale laugh)
Luckily I had Ebola as a kid so I'm safe.
2nd rule of Fight Club: If you bring a dish to share, put your name on it so you'll be sure to get it back. Thanks and enjoy the fighting!
I need to buy a laundry basket but first I have to know what is the official laundry basket of the NFL
I wonder how many lives we could save if we put pictures of missing kids on sweatpants instead of "JUICY"?
Face tattoos are like regular tattoos except face ones let everyone know you'd rather not have a job where you pay taxes.
The overspray from my windshield washer fluid just totaled a smart car.
A car with a car rack looked like a police car, so I slowed down, only to realize I had been tricked into obeying the law FOR NO REASON.
You made several good points, and I understand that you are right, but the way you said it was so douchey I have to take an opposite stance.
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