Funny Epic Win Get A Life Fail Share
You might think you're smart until you try using someone else's microwave.
Sometimes I feel moderately intelligent. Other times I have to sing the "ABCs" in my head to remember which letter comes next.
If attacked by a bear you should play dead. If that doesn't work play "Total Eclipse Of The Heart". Bears love that song.
Some people wouldn't understand irony if it beat them over the head with a helmet.
Sir, I just can't understand why your anaconda is so picky.
I've been in San Francisco for an hour and six people have tried to get me to "add avocado for $3." Haven't even been to a restaurant yet.
I would lose weight, but I hate losing.
Drunk me loves creating awkward encounters for sober me.
Don't let anyone push you around. Unless it's in a wagon because that might actually be fun.
Karma is like a rubber-band: it can only stretch so far before it comes back and smacks you in the face..
Pardon my expresso Starbucks but $5.26 is an awful latte money for a cup of coffee.
Love is like a rubber band, we keep pulling, someone let's it go, and it hurts the one who held on
I realized I eat too much fast food so I decided I would start cooking for myself.
Does anyone here know how to "mcnugget" a chicken?
The Send All function should require another person to key in a code like you would for a nuclear launch
I wonder what "don't touch" is in Braille.
Imagine hating your life so much you write a YouTube comment.
I just used the self checkout in Walmart without needing assistance and they made me district manager.
I've tried several times, but I can't pet a cat without plotting world domination.
I've finally worked up the courage to tell you how I feel:
I feel hungry.
Single white sock seeks same
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