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Posted 2015-04-25T22:57:09+02:00
You shouldn't be able to get married unless you've put something from Ikea together.

Funny(2)
Posted 2015-04-25T04:06:11+02:00
I see London. I see France. I have a map of Europe

Get a Life(2)
Posted 2015-04-25T03:59:48+02:00
You aren't truly good looking unless someone is using a picture of you to catfish someone else.

Get a Life(2)
Comment by Anonymous

V Knows what the definition of catfish is.

Comment by Anonymous

like when fat girls change to profile pic to one with the super hot best friend taking up most of the frame?

Posted 2015-04-25T03:59:35+02:00
It's shocking how much unhappiness is caused by the pressure to be happy.

Epic(2)
Posted 2015-04-25T03:59:14+02:00
You look like a million dollars! A huge, crumpled, pile of paper covered with trace amounts of cocaine and fecal matter.

Fail(1)
Posted 2015-04-25T03:53:33+02:00
Whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never received any dick pics

Funny(4)
Posted 2015-04-25T03:52:24+02:00
I didn't want to grow up; I just wanted to be able to reach for the cookies.

Funny(2)
Posted 2015-04-25T03:51:50+02:00
It may look like I'm doing nothing, but I'm actively waiting for my problems to go away.

Funny(2)
Posted 2015-04-25T03:51:36+02:00
I don't like people who can't make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.

Epic(2)
Posted 2015-04-25T03:42:58+02:00
Sleep feels the way pizza tastes.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

unless it Penis pizza.That shit taste nasty

Posted 2015-04-24T22:52:28+02:00
Bruce Jenner could attach a boob to his forehead and I still wouldn't care..

Win(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Bruce Jenner is a man dressed up as a woman who surgically removed his dick. The end.

Comment by Anonymous

That is because you are all about the man ass and the cocks.

Posted 2015-04-23T04:58:17+02:00
Whenever I drive past the psychic's empty parking lot, I think, if I was psychic I would only be open on the days I knew people were coming.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Think you mean, V V

Comment by Anonymous

Isn't this about the tenth time this status has been posted here?

Comment by Anonymous

10 out of the 12 voices in my head say I'm not.

Comment by Anonymous

You must be psych-cotic.

Comment by Anonymous

I knew you were going to post this.

Posted 2015-04-23T04:55:57+02:00
Fred Astaire because Fred a like a what he sees.

Fail(3)
Comment by Anonymous

HAHAHA I laughed out loud too!

Comment by Anonymous

That made me actually laugh out loud!

Posted 2015-04-23T04:49:35+02:00
Sometimes I feel like a loser for spending so much time on Facebook. Then I remember there are people out there who comment on pornhub videos

Funny(5)
Posted 2015-04-23T04:47:52+02:00
When a woman asks you for your opinion all she really wants to hear is her opinion repeated word for word but in your voice instead

Get a Life(5)
Comment by Anonymous

We get it we just don't care what you want.

Comment by Anonymous

This is for all the men who didn't get it the first time.

Comment by Anonymous

Me too! ((Phew))

Comment by Anonymous

so glad this one was posted another time.

Posted 2015-04-23T04:46:35+02:00
[Job Interview] "Do you have any questions?" How do they get those tiny ships inside glass bottles?

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Posting this over and over again does not make it funnier.

Posted 2015-04-23T04:46:30+02:00
Call me old fashioned but I don't think that deep inspirational quote needed your face attached to it.

Funny(1)
Posted 2015-04-22T20:42:20+02:00
I just want to be rich enough to tell my boss, "you're not the boss of me"!

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2015-04-22T20:34:12+02:00
I was going throw an Earth Day party, but I forgot to planet.

Fail(2)
Comment by Anonymous

No, from Earth. At the party. The day of.

Comment by Anonymous

Did you pull that joke out of Uranus?

Posted 2015-04-22T00:41:14+02:00
So let me get this straight. You'll suck a dick, but you wont drink tap water?

Funny(6)
Comment by Anonymous

you ALL are cocksuckers and pussy eaters.most of you have the HERP because of it,so who cares what kind of water u drink

Comment by Anonymous

I'm taking a Shit.

Comment by Anonymous

That's not what I heard.

Comment by Anonymous

Won't do either.

Comment by Anonymous

So let me get this straight. You'll eat pussy, but you wont drink tap water?

Comment by Anonymous

yup. what's wrong with that? ;)

Comment by Anonymous

VV It makes you a liar, cocksucker.

Comment by Anonymous

That makes you smart, fluoridated water sources are bad for your health

Comment by Anonymous

I dont suck dick, and I wont drink tap water either. What does that make me??


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