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Posted 2014-08-07T02:47:49+02:00
I need medical attention, but I will settle for just regular attention.

Funny(3)
Comment by Anonymous

You're a whore either way.

Posted 2014-08-07T02:47:14+02:00
You know a restaurant is fancy when instead of bringing the bill, they bring the William.

Funny(3)
Posted 2014-08-07T02:45:29+02:00
My 2 year old nephew just pointed to an airplane in the sky and said "here comes the fork".

Get a Life(4)
Comment by Anonymous

What nickname does he have for your penis?

Posted 2014-08-07T02:41:00+02:00
"Hi, can I have a chicken salad with avocado?" "Avocado costs $1 extra, do you still want it?" "Hold on, let me call my financial adviser."

Get a Life(3)
Comment by Anonymous

If you have to ask whether or not you can afford to spend an extra dollar, chances are you can't afford a financial adviser.

Posted 2014-08-07T02:39:10+02:00
I'm planning to adopt a dog soon, it wasn't my first choice but my doctor told me I can't have any biologically.

Get a Life(2)
Comment by Anonymous

vv Really?.. Sorry, it was my first time on the internet when I posted that... And I never said she needed one. Perhaps you should learn to read, then you can pick up some books on how to construct jokes, idiot.

Comment by Anonymous

V Yes, we an all see indeed.

Comment by Anonymous

To whoever posted the first comment, it's a joke. She didn't need one, it's just humor. Now really from your comment, we an all see who's the stupid one.

Comment by Anonymous

If you need a doctor to tell you that you are physically incapable of birthing an animal, you're probably too fuckin' stupid to own one.

Posted 2014-08-07T02:34:59+02:00
The original creator of the phrase "common sense" surely didn't know many people.

Funny(4)
Comment by Anonymous

Doesn't need to know many people if he had a wife. ; )

Posted 2014-08-07T02:29:12+02:00
*pulls up dating app* Let's who's ready to be initially interested but ultimately disappointed

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

I'm sure you don't need a dating app to find out what your parents think of you...

Posted 2014-08-07T02:20:28+02:00
Twitter is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.

Funny(3)
Comment by Anonymous

Some Twitter names are better than some of the shit names that parents are naming their dumb kids.

Posted 2014-08-07T02:17:37+02:00
I left my phone at home all day today. Is the sky always blue like that?

Funny(4)
Comment by Anonymous

v Hmmm... don't know why it posted thrice...

Comment by Anonymous

posting youre reply three times makes you the moron!

Comment by Anonymous

v Are you the same moron that questioned my other comment and told me that it didn't make sense? Either way, your comprehension is very low. This is the last time I explain things to you, cupcake... People who are on their phones constantly have their head down... they walk into walls, other people... there's plenty of videos on the internet of this. Also, it's why texting and driving is illegal some places, because it takes focus off the road. Next, if your head is up looking at the sky, you're not watching where you're going either... As stupid as you are, it amazes me that you can get dressed without accidentally killing yourself..

Comment by Anonymous

v Are you the same moron that questioned my other comment and told me that it didn't make sense? Either way, your comprehension is very low. This is the last time I explain things to you, cupcake... People who are on their phones constantly have their head down... they walk into walls, other people... there's plenty of videos on the internet of this. Also, it's why texting and driving is illegal some places, because it takes focus off the road. Next, if your head is up looking at the sky, you're not watching where you're going either... As stupid as you are, it amazes me that you can get dressed without accidentally killing yourself.

Comment by Anonymous

v Are you the same moron that questioned my other comment and told me that it didn't make sense? Either way, your comprehension is very low. This is the last time I explain things to you, cupcake... People who are on their phones constantly have their head down... they walk into walls, other people... there's plenty of videos on the internet of this. Also, it's why texting and driving is illegal some places, because it takes focus off the road. Next, if your head is up looking at the sky, you're not watching where you're going either... As stupid as you are, it amazes me that you can get dressed without accidentally killing yourself.

Comment by Anonymous

What does that have to do with looking at the sky instead of being on the phone 24/7? Seems to me you are the only dipshit here, idiot.

Comment by Anonymous

So, with or without your phone, you're a dipshit not watching where you're going?

Posted 2014-08-07T02:12:10+02:00
Holy SHIT, it just occurred to me that I could pour cake batter on a pancake griddle and make cake pancakes.

Epic(1)
Comment by Anonymous

If you're just now figuring this out, your mom obviously still cooks for you.

Posted 2014-08-07T02:09:05+02:00
You can have the most amazing career ever, but I'm still gonna scroll straight down to "Personal Life."

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Easy now, save some pussy for the rest of us.

Posted 2014-08-07T02:08:48+02:00
Alcohol has the same effect on me as it does on Beyonce, except what she does to Jay-Z, I do to a frozen pizza.

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

I think if you had written that in braille it would have made more sense.

Posted 2014-08-07T02:06:29+02:00
The only people I respect in life are people at sporting events who don't give a shit they're on the Jumbotron.

Epic(1)
Comment by Anonymous

v Thanks. : ) What a good way to start out my Friday. : )

Comment by Anonymous

V But he's always funnier than the status. Everyone knows this.

Comment by Anonymous

dude stop commenting stupid shit on every post, YOU ARE NOT FUNNY

Comment by Anonymous

What does your mom have to do with sports?

Posted 2014-08-06T23:06:25+02:00
I'm allergic to bears. One bear bite and it's straight to the ER for me.

Get a Life(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Good thing you're not allergic to douche though... you can drink all the douche water you want.

Posted 2014-08-06T23:05:06+02:00
Worst part about getting a phone call is the 12 seconds you can't use your phone as you wait for it to stop ringing.

Funny(5)
Comment by Anonymous

v Nope, sorry... I don't own any flat bill hats or Tap Out shirts... I also don't wear Axe either.

Comment by Anonymous

V and ALWAYS a douche.

Comment by Anonymous

v Of course I am... You will come to learn that I'm always correct. ; )

Comment by Anonymous

VV The douche is correct on this one.

Comment by Anonymous

v Actually, it does... The OP obviously uses it just as a "mobile app device." Hence the whining about waiting for the call to disappear so he/she can get back to using the apps on it... dumbass. Then there's the fact that the OP is a retard for not declining the call instead of waiting 12 seconds. Grow a fuckin' brain.

Comment by Anonymous

V You shouldn't be so quick to call someone a retard when your comment doesn't even make sense lol.

Comment by Anonymous

I'm surprised a retard like yourself knew it doubled as a phone in the first place.

Posted 2014-08-06T22:59:38+02:00
Hey girl, are you a waiter who doesn't write down the order, because you're making me nervous.

Fail(4)
Comment by Anonymous

v I wasn't aware that stupidity was synonymous with homosexuality, douche.

Comment by Anonymous

V for the love of God stop commenting gay shit you douche

Comment by Anonymous

Not everyone is as stupid as you.

Posted 2014-08-06T22:40:34+02:00
A group of people with neck tattoos is called a probation

Get a Life(2)
Comment by Anonymous

This is just stupid.

Comment by Anonymous

A group of liberals who post on this site are called unfunny.

Posted 2014-08-06T20:31:18+02:00
Tinder's slogan should be "These can't possibly be your best pictures"

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

You should be nicer to your mother...

Posted 2014-08-06T20:23:14+02:00
Nothing says doomed marriage like a cash bar at the wedding reception

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

v Negativity? You must be a pussy liberal. Last I knew, this is a joke website. You are free to say what you want, the same as I. If you can't take a joke, be a big boy and wander somewhere else.

Comment by Anonymous

Which you would never know the meaning of since you waste all of your "free time" spreading your negativity on every one of these posts. V

Comment by Anonymous

That and your fat ugly soon-to-be wife...

Posted 2014-08-05T17:00:25+02:00
Is it just me or is waking up at 3am and trying to read a text message is like looking directly into the fuckin sun?

Epic(5)
Comment by Anonymous

V FAGGOT V FAGGOT V FAGGOT V FAGGOT V FAGGOT

Comment by Anonymous

v Good one... douche.

Comment by Anonymous

v I have no desire to join your third grade class...or your pedophile teacher.

Comment by Anonymous

v Perhaps you should go back to 3rd grade and learn how to construct sentences, retard.

Comment by Anonymous

v Hey, great work! You almost posted a complete sentence. That "Hooked on Phonics" series your mommy bought is starting to pay off!

Comment by Anonymous

It's just you, queer.


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