Funny Epic Win Get A Life Fail Share
In hell you just stand in line at a DMV while "Happy" by Pharrell plays on an endless loop.
If you ever go camping be sure to bring along someone who has a good camera and can take good pictures. Bigfoot obviously avoids people like this.
You posted a drunk selfie last night at 2:04 AM and then deleted it five minutes later. But I took a screenshot. Let's negotiate.
Kids today are so coddled- Elf on the Shelf, Toy Story. In my day, if dolls magically came to life, they murdered you and everyone you loved
Opinions are like peepholes.
You only have a limited view out of your tiny window.
Do your ears hang low?
Do they wobble to and fro?
Do you think there is an afterlife?
Whenever I hear that customer service calls are going to be recorded I do one of my raps because I'm too poor to pay for studio time
Coffee: fueling you for a job you can't stand to support a life you never wanted.
Tastes good though...
"I love you unconditionally*."
*certain terms and conditions apply. See Bible for more details.
*intercom at Walmart* Would the owner of the black truck with deer antlers in the brush guard please save some pussy for the rest of us.
I broke up with my ex because she took a shortcut and beat me in Mario Kart. She's never done this before. Another man taught her I know it
We should bury everyone upside down so if they come back as zombies they'll dig the wrong way.
Tinder but for people who want to fight
Donkey Kong in a bar with barrels as barstools, trying to stay cool
Sandra Bullock floating around in the background of all the new Star Wars movies
What if dogs bring the ball back because they think you enjoy throwing it?
Betty White is 95 years old & has like 5 jobs. I can't even get out of bed.
Pepsi and Coke can't even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along. Pffftt.
IKEA's cost cutting plan for 2015 includes sending a whole tree to your house with nails, hammer and saw so that you can just build your own shit.
2014, FUCK YOU, SINCERELY 2015
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