Funny Epic Win Get A Life Fail Share
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit?
I'm sorry, I like you, I really do, but my oxytocin, dopamine, and seratonin levels are just not where I'd like them to be, and I blame you.
Waiting for TMZ to leak a video of Roger Goodell watching the elevator video
Sorry I prematurely accelerated my particles and ruined our big bang
Somewhere an elderly lady reads a book on how to use the internet, while a young boy googles "how to read a book."
Is "drunk hobo" redundant? Are there sober hobos? Are they called "sobos"? Is this ambien ever going to kick in?
My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.
Climbing a ladder only to slide back down to where you started is a very clever life lesson, well done playground
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair.
I left my phone at home all day today. Is the sky always blue like that?
I ran into a hot guy at the grocery store last week and he hasn't tracked me down and proposed to me yet. This is why I hate movies.
My chest is so hairy it's like my nipples are a secret.
2007: A phone that can replace your watch!
2014: Fuck you. Back to watches again.
Her: I just feel like I'm not being heard.
Me: Definitely. Sounds good babe.
Her: Are you even listening to me?
Me: Thats crazy!
If I could have anything in the world it would be to have the same finger prints as my enemy
If Jay Z and Ray Rice have taught me anything this year, take the stairs, fuck those elevators!!!
He died doing what he loved: trying not to die.
This is the watchiest watch ever watched
If Chris Brown and Ray Rice were both engulfed in flames and you only had one fire extinguisher.... where would you hide it?
Does the iPhone 6 Plus not receive phone calls? Because that would be a big plus for me.
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