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Posted 2014-09-12T17:16:43+02:00
Porn is so misleading. There's no way that dudes with tribal tattoos have that much sex.

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

yes but you have it with dudes.

Posted 2014-09-12T17:16:14+02:00
GTA 5 is so realistic that even the characters in the game aren't answering the phone when I call them.

Funny(4)
Posted 2014-09-12T17:15:23+02:00
I'm going to switch my insurance from Geico to Allstate, then Statefarm, then back to Geico. If i'm correct, they should owe me $950.

Fail(2)
Comment by Anonymous

I so wish you could like the comments here

Comment by Anonymous

You're not, It would be better for you to leave the thinking to others.

Posted 2014-09-12T17:15:05+02:00
God created the orgasm so women can moan even when they're happy.

Funny(3)
Comment by Anonymous

Best Status Ever

Comment by Anonymous

Best Status Ever

Posted 2014-09-12T17:10:41+02:00
You can tell everything you need to know about a person by their average corn chip to salsa ratio.

Win(2)
Comment by Anonymous

I can easier tell by the shit they post online.

Comment by Anonymous

Go stand in the corner.

Posted 2014-09-12T17:09:40+02:00
It saddens me that today's youth will never have to endure the character-building pain of waiting for dial-up Internet to connect.

Funny(2)
Posted 2014-09-12T17:08:16+02:00
I call my fists Thunder & Lightning because there's about a one in a million chance that they'll cause any damage.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-09-12T17:05:27+02:00
North West sneezes. Kanye says "Kanye bless you" Kim slams her fist down "God damn it, Kanye" Kanye says "No, It's 'Kanye Damn it', Babe"

Get a Life(2)
Posted 2014-09-12T16:58:59+02:00
Today is so hot that it's not returning my text messages.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-09-12T16:58:14+02:00
One time I asked "What would Jesus do?" & then a close friend betrayed me & everyone started misinterpreting what I said for their own gains.

Get a Life(2)
Posted 2014-09-11T00:43:53+02:00
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit?

Get a Life(2)
Comment by Anonymous

VV Yes and I tried it but the fat lazy slobs would not kill themselves by any way but the diabetes and heart disease.

Comment by Anonymous

I bet you could get your pants on if you let go of your crotch

Comment by Anonymous

v wow. have you ever considered being a motivational speaker?

Comment by Anonymous

Just kill yourself you fat lazy slob.

Posted 2014-09-11T00:42:16+02:00
I'm sorry, I like you, I really do, but my oxytocin, dopamine, and seratonin levels are just not where I'd like them to be, and I blame you.

Funny(2)
Posted 2014-09-11T00:38:49+02:00
Waiting for TMZ to leak a video of Roger Goodell watching the elevator video

Epic(4)
Posted 2014-09-11T00:30:37+02:00
Sorry I prematurely accelerated my particles and ruined our big bang

Get a Life(2)
Posted 2014-09-10T23:27:22+02:00
Somewhere an elderly lady reads a book on how to use the internet, while a young boy googles "how to read a book."

Epic(3)
Posted 2014-09-10T23:23:06+02:00
Is "drunk hobo" redundant? Are there sober hobos? Are they called "sobos"? Is this ambien ever going to kick in?

Funny(4)
Posted 2014-09-10T23:22:38+02:00
My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.

Epic(1)
Posted 2014-09-10T23:19:49+02:00
Climbing a ladder only to slide back down to where you started is a very clever life lesson, well done playground

Epic(2)
Posted 2014-09-10T23:15:17+02:00
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair.

Funny(3)
Posted 2014-09-10T23:14:05+02:00
I left my phone at home all day today. Is the sky always blue like that?

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Nope, sometimes it's black with bright specks of light, gray, green, pink, orange, red, oh wait, I'm sorry... OLLLLddddiiii!


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