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Posted 2014-07-23T19:10:41+02:00
Naming that space movie Gravity makes about as much sense as naming Jurassic Park something like There's No Dinosaurs In This.

Fail(2)
Comment by Anonymous

shh you are going to make his little brain explode.

Comment by Anonymous

Um yeah things can't stay in orbit without gravity in space.

Comment by Anonymous

Space isn't "no gravity", it's equal gravity. Equal in all directions. (Nutshell of course)

Comment by Anonymous

There weren't any dinosaurs in it...

Posted 2014-07-23T02:36:00+02:00
Apple's patent for a smart watch was just revealed, and the big feature is phantom vibrations on your wrist even after you take it off.

Epic(2)
Posted 2014-07-23T02:31:25+02:00
Being internet famous is like being rich with Monopoly money... It might not really count but YOU STILL MAD THAT I'M WINNING.

Get a Life(4)
Posted 2014-07-22T17:26:38+02:00
Nothing says "I either made a typo, or I'm a rapper now" like ending your text with a "b."

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-07-21T22:31:36+02:00
Just cause someone is giving you less doesn't mean they're not giving you with all they have.

Win(3)
Comment by Anonymous

v She doesn't like being fisted though.

Comment by Anonymous

I'm giving your mum all 8 inches..it's all I can give

Comment by Anonymous

this is not an inspirational site, humor only please.

Comment by Anonymous

Is this a "size doesn't matter" joke?

Posted 2014-07-21T22:29:03+02:00
My job description does not include farting on everyone else's office chairs but I still do it because INITIATIVE.

Fail(2)
Comment by Anonymous

*it's , genius

Comment by Anonymous

You sure its not because you're retarded?

Posted 2014-07-21T22:26:27+02:00
It only becomes a mistake if you regret it.

Epic(1)
13317
Comment by Anonymous

V ╭∩╮(-_-)╭∩╮

Comment by Anonymous

v That's not what we were talking about. Try following along, pussy.

Comment by Anonymous

"I'll never regret tongue punching your mom's fart box." So sorry for assuming you're an asshole licker, shithead

Comment by Anonymous

v If I had a nickel for every assumption that you've made towards me, I could buy an island in the south pacific. It is extremely painful talking to someone as retarded as you. And if you don't like the internet, don't get on it. I know, it's a hard concept for idiots like yourself to comprehend.

Comment by Anonymous

Oh so you only lick shit every so often. Got it. However, you are still a shit eater. I would never fuck your ugly fat mom or anyone who looks like her. I also just don't go around licking assholes. It's bad enough I have to deal with them on the internet.

Comment by Anonymous

v Thin girls don't poop very often. You'd know that if you'd stop fuckin' fat whales.

Comment by Anonymous

I know, you only lick the assholes of the thin beautiful ones who haven't wiped.

Comment by Anonymous

v Perhaps, but I don't fuck fat lazy idiots.

Comment by Anonymous

obviously she was waiting for you to come by

Comment by Anonymous

v Not to burst your bubble, lady, but that saying was out way before Tosh.O. Try leaving the house once in a while.

Comment by Anonymous

Nice come back with "tongue punching your moms fart box." That's real original. Tosh.O should put that on their show, oh wait...

Comment by Anonymous

v I've never said my mom was dead... probably some other anonymous...

Comment by Anonymous

So now she is not dead? You really need to make up your mind on that one.

Comment by Anonymous

v Good one, except my mom isn't dead. Nice readig comprehension btw...

Comment by Anonymous

v You're a mistake even if your dead mom can't regret it anymore.

Comment by Anonymous

I'll never regret tongue punching your mom's fart box.

Posted 2014-07-21T22:25:45+02:00
Some people are like Polaroids. You have to shake them violently before they make any sense.

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Yeah, they're called women.

Posted 2014-07-21T22:25:02+02:00
Shoutout to all the horror movies that led to sex.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

V And then you would have sex with the corpse.

Comment by Anonymous

Snuff films are the best.

Posted 2014-07-21T22:23:26+02:00
I want the equivalent of an e-cigarette for alcohol so I can do it at work. Get on that scientists!

Funny(3)
Comment by Anonymous

Become a pill popper, genius

Comment by Anonymous

Stop being a pussy and do as the guy below says.

Comment by Anonymous

just put it in ur starbucks cup....or water bottle....or pretty much any other non-alcoholic drink receptacle

Posted 2014-07-21T22:22:31+02:00
Gas is cheap considering you're buying liquid exploding dinosaurs.

Get a Life(3)
Comment by Anonymous

You need to brush up on your science.

Comment by Anonymous

Except you're not...

Comment by Anonymous

I remember the first time I laughed at this, I fell off my dinosaur.

Posted 2014-07-21T22:21:58+02:00
Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn't cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!

Epic(4)
Comment by Anonymous

You should know you've sucked more of them than anyone here.

Comment by Anonymous

Unless you're Asian...

Posted 2014-07-21T22:20:45+02:00
I like to mess with dudes wearing Tapout shirts by saying "Cute top!"

Funny(2)
Posted 2014-07-21T22:20:03+02:00
My resume is just a handwritten note that says "He is good." with a forged President Obama signature.

Fail(3)
Comment by Anonymous

Typical liberal.

Comment by Anonymous

Cleaning toilets at a gay bar too.

Comment by Anonymous

What government job are you applying for with that? Because that's the only place it'll do you any good.

Posted 2014-07-21T22:17:08+02:00
Woodpeckers have very clear life goals.

Funny(3)
Posted 2014-07-21T22:14:23+02:00
Sometimes after a nap, I like to take another nap.

Epic(2)
Posted 2014-07-21T22:12:08+02:00
I really like that machine at the gym where you put money into it and snacks come out.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

This is stupid!!! GET A LIFE

Posted 2014-07-21T22:07:11+02:00
Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings.

Funny(4)
Comment by Anonymous

double stuffed crust

Comment by Anonymous

True, but it helps to let it cool before you try and fuck it.

Posted 2014-07-21T22:04:57+02:00
If guys were smart, they'd forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls who buy frozen dinners and cat food.

Funny(3)
Comment by Anonymous

Girls who buy frozen dinners and cat food are typically batshit crazy. Come to think of it, so are the ones who don't....OK forget it.

Comment by Anonymous

That no matter the bullshit we are not turning gay? Not sure what point u are attempting there...

Comment by Anonymous

It's funny all the ways that women bag on men... "assholes, pigs, douches, stupid, etc..." And you still have sex with them and marry them. What does that say about you?

Posted 2014-07-21T22:00:58+02:00
I think I'm in love with you but first show me your playlists.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

I changed my mind and I just have to tell you now. It's Cher, Elton John, Lady Gaga, Macklemore, Melissa Etheridge, Adam Lambert and anything by George Michael. Also yes, I would swallow his load.

Comment by Anonymous

I'll show you my playlist when you swallow my load.


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