Status Stalker: The Home of The Funny Status : Recent Funny Statuses

Posted 2013-05-18T01:51:00+02:00

Opinions are like assholes - they're offered up more freely when people are drunk.

Funny(3)

Posted 2013-05-18T01:43:37+02:00

Thank you Chinese restaurant placemats for allowing me to inform countless dinner dates that I was born in the Year of the Cock.

Funny(2)

23 4 1

Comment by Anonymous

Me too! Never works the way I hope.

Posted 2013-05-18T01:40:50+02:00

Those Box Tops that raise money for schools really should be on wine labels.

Funny(3)

22 2 0

Posted 2013-05-18T01:38:46+02:00

I have a very short attention spaniards are sometimes named Inigo Montoya.

Win(1)

7 14 1

Comment by Anonymous

You are obviously one of the staff members at SS. You must be Female. Go knit a hat or use a broom.

Posted 2013-05-18T01:37:47+02:00

If eating burritos in your car was a sport, I'd be Muhammad Tiger Montana Federer Gretzky Jordan.

Get a Life(1)

2 15 3

Comment by Anonymous

V Didn't like his comment of truth, did you? V

Comment by Anonymous

V spoken like a true lifeless loser

Comment by Anonymous

If telling jokes was a sport, you'd be Ellen Rosie Griffin Handler-Cho.

Posted 2013-05-18T01:35:17+02:00

Whatever doesn't kill me makes my drinks stronger.

Get a Life(1)

7 7 0

Posted 2013-05-18T01:32:57+02:00

Thinking about nicknaming my penis "math" just so I can say things like "%u0153math is hard"� or "you do the math."

Get a Life(1)

2 17 1

Comment by Anonymous

I'll do the math ...... you getting laid = 0

Posted 2013-05-18T01:30:53+02:00

Kobe Bryant is suing his mom for selling some of his memorabilia without his consent. Getting consent is VERY important to Kobe (now).

Epic(2)

32 4 2

Comment by Rollincool

V Apparently we have a Rapers fan...sorry meant Lakers fan on this website! Stupid auto correct!

Comment by Anonymous

I think what you mean is that it should come as no surprise that some bitch is trying to screw Kobe out of money

Posted 2013-05-18T01:27:52+02:00

I go both ways. I like hard AND soft tacos.

Funny(3)

11 9 0

Posted 2013-05-18T00:12:19+02:00

Is there a term called 'heterophobia' for people who are against homophobes?

Funny(1)

6 19 3

Comment by Anonymous

Shut up faggot.

Comment by Anonymous

Stupid post, pole smoker

Comment by Anonymous

Enough with the fag shit!!!

Posted 2013-05-17T23:46:05+02:00

Say F and G in Spanish. Now, how does that sound?

Fail(3)

1 32 4

Comment by Dilligaf13

Anonymous #2....was that a question?

Comment by Anonymous

• »(‧_‧？)Єн?« •

Comment by Anonymous

I don't get it?

Comment by Anonymous

oh...i see what you did there

Posted 2013-05-17T23:41:12+02:00

Stupid people who can take a joke make just as much sense as criminals who obey the law.

Get a Life(3)

0 19 0

Posted 2013-05-17T20:54:45+02:00

I think there should be a rule; If we meet in person and you do NOT look like your profile pic, you should be required to buy me drinks until you DO!

Funny(2)

31 3 0

Posted 2013-05-17T20:33:51+02:00

If gay men were allowed in the army back in WWII, Saving Private Ryan would be a lot shorter because there is no way it would take 3 hours for a group of gay men to find Matt Damon.

Funny(2)

30 4 4

Comment by Anonymous

Saving Ryan's Privates

Comment by Anonymous

If gay men HAD been allowed in the army, we'd all be speaking German right now.

Comment by Anonymous

Wow. Ignorance does not suit you sir. This status is funny!

Comment by Anonymous

They would all be dead because they are pussies.

Posted 2013-05-17T20:09:47+02:00

The ad where cat food is served to a cat in a crystal goblet makes cat people look crazy. We would NEVER feed our cats cat food!

Funny(2)

5 7 0

Posted 2013-05-17T19:53:22+02:00

Saying the word "awkward" in an awkward situation only makes it more awkward. Especially if you sing it.

Funny(3)

16 5 0

Posted 2013-05-17T18:36:24+02:00

Dating sites should have a section for people to leave a review for the person they went out with.

Epic(4)

43 3 2

Comment by Anonymous

some of them do have that, well I guess it depends no the (cough cough) nevermind

Comment by Anonymous

Good idea

Posted 2013-05-17T18:35:04+02:00

My girlfriend and her mom say more in one phone conversation to each other than my dad and I have in my entire life.

Funny(3)

18 3 0

Posted 2013-05-17T18:33:05+02:00

Happiness is using an ATM and finding a receipt left by someone with an account balance lower than yours.

Funny(2)

41 4 0

Posted 2013-05-17T18:29:43+02:00

People always get offended when you call their baby ugly, but they never understand that they've offended you by showing you an ugly baby.

Funny(3)

17 5 0

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