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Posted 2015-03-25T22:14:42+01:00
I thought my life would include more impromptu sing-alongs.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2015-03-25T22:13:15+01:00
Are you tired of not getting insulted before you fully open your eyes and brush your teeth, introducing - The Internet!

Funny(1)
Posted 2015-03-25T05:09:10+01:00
The Pink Panther's To Do list: - To do - To do - To do, to do, to do, to do, to doooo

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Save the ink and paper and just pour some gas on yourself and light yourself on fire. You would die brighter than you ever were in your life.

Comment by Anonymous

If you've got another one like this, write it on a piece of paper and burn it! !

Posted 2015-03-25T04:59:54+01:00
You never know how strong you are.... until you're home alone and have to open your own jar of pickles

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

That's for cochinas

Posted 2015-03-25T04:59:08+01:00
Nah man, we didn't fuck because her bra and panties didn't match. - no guy ever

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2015-03-25T03:35:50+01:00
Nothing says 'disappointed' better than an old guy looking up "Barenaked Ladies" on Google Images.

Win(2)
Posted 2015-03-25T03:22:28+01:00
Dear Fox news, I have yet to see any news about foxes. Sincerely, Disappointed Viewer.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2015-03-25T03:20:05+01:00
Now hiring: Someone to have fresh coffee waiting next to my head the second I open my eyes.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2015-03-25T02:44:32+01:00
Never underestimate the healing power of singing in a car really loud by yourself.

Epic(1)
Posted 2015-03-25T02:43:04+01:00
I never do sit ups at home because I absolutely hate domestic ab use.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2015-03-25T02:41:45+01:00
Leftover bacon? Lol that's up there with unicorns, leprechauns, and soulmates.

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

V Did they steal your comment? That comment is old.

Comment by Anonymous

v Sounds like something I would comment.

Comment by Anonymous

This comment was stolen from here, already been posted.

Posted 2015-03-25T02:41:28+01:00
I like to use just a little bit of bagel when I have my cream cheese in the morning cause I heard bread makes you fat.

Fail(1)
Posted 2015-03-25T02:39:33+01:00
My hope is that Joe Biden will go on Survivor after the White House. I would watch the hell out of that.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2015-03-25T02:39:00+01:00
I may not be a perfect person but at least I have never yelled at an employee in a store

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2015-03-25T00:49:02+01:00
When is Beyonce going to announce that she's running for president?

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

I KNOW,RIGHT! GOD I LOVE HER.SHE WOULD TOTALLY WIN!! HAIL TO THE B!

Posted 2015-03-23T22:39:50+01:00
If a white girl falls in the forest and no one is around to omg, does she even?

Funny(4)
Posted 2015-03-23T22:37:14+01:00
Settle down joggers at red lights, settle down.

Epic(1)
Posted 2015-03-23T22:34:29+01:00
The Bible is basically the longest set of Terms & Conditions ever, which is why so many people agree with it without knowing why.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

So is Stephen Hawking. Not a smidge of evidence of life on other planets. Just this one. Good luck holding on to dear hope with the "liquid" you find on a dwarf planet. So full of shit.

Comment by Anonymous

The bible is a book of fairy tales.

Comment by Anonymous

Long story short......you go to hell!!

Posted 2015-03-23T22:34:14+01:00
A group of mistakes is called a life.

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

A group of successes is called a successful life.

Posted 2015-03-23T18:06:40+01:00
I bet it's called Almond Milk, because no one would buy Nut Juice.

Funny(3)
Comment by Anonymous

I bet most of the people posting statuses on here love nut juice more than your mom does.


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