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Posted 2014-07-25T04:55:27+02:00
You don't need to be dating someone to be happy. Just bae yourself.

Epic(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Lick my bae-hole, twat.

Posted 2014-07-25T04:55:18+02:00
When I sleep less than 8 hours I'm exhausted and want to die, but when I sleep more than 8 hours I'm exhausted and want to die.

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Fuckin' pussy.

Comment by Anonymous

So die already.

Posted 2014-07-25T04:54:36+02:00
Every Instagram caption should just be, "ARE YOU JEALOUS OF MY LIFE YET??"

Epic(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Why would anyone be jealous of a loser on Instagram?

Posted 2014-07-25T04:52:58+02:00
If you're about to post song lyrics on social media, ask yourself is it worth it? Let me work it. I put my thing down flip it 'n reverse it

Epic(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Curling irons have a warning tag that says “For External Use Only”. You are likely the reason why.

Comment by Anonymous

How about you stick a hot curling iron in your ass?

Posted 2014-07-25T04:51:49+02:00
MISSED CONNECTION: I was a skater boy. You said "see you later, boy." I wasn't good enough for you.

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

He left because his hour was up and she had another customer waiting.

Comment by Anonymous

Is that why your dad left... because you were a rollerblader?

Posted 2014-07-25T00:25:29+02:00
That moment when you see ya EX with that person they told you not to worry about during your relationship...

Epic(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Who gives a shit? Stop being such a whiny cunt and go find someone else. Ratio is 51M:50W.

Posted 2014-07-23T19:16:15+02:00
Folks next to us on the beach had a car battery powering a speaker system built into a cooler. It was like 'Merica MacGuyver

Get a Life(2)
Comment by Anonymous

MacGruber was better except for the movie which sucked.

Comment by Anonymous

Yeah... they make those... probably in China.

Posted 2014-07-23T19:10:41+02:00
Naming that space movie Gravity makes about as much sense as naming Jurassic Park something like There's No Dinosaurs In This.

Epic(1)
Comment by Anonymous

shh you are going to make his little brain explode.

Comment by Anonymous

Um yeah things can't stay in orbit without gravity in space.

Comment by Anonymous

Space isn't "no gravity", it's equal gravity. Equal in all directions. (Nutshell of course)

Comment by Anonymous

There weren't any dinosaurs in it...

Posted 2014-07-23T02:36:00+02:00
Apple's patent for a smart watch was just revealed, and the big feature is phantom vibrations on your wrist even after you take it off.

Epic(2)
Posted 2014-07-23T02:31:25+02:00
Being internet famous is like being rich with Monopoly money... It might not really count but YOU STILL MAD THAT I'M WINNING.

Get a Life(3)
Posted 2014-07-22T17:26:38+02:00
Nothing says "I either made a typo, or I'm a rapper now" like ending your text with a "b."

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-07-21T22:31:36+02:00
Just cause someone is giving you less doesn't mean they're not giving you with all they have.

Get a Life(2)
Comment by Anonymous

this is not an inspirational site, humor only please.

Comment by Anonymous

Is this a "size doesn't matter" joke?

Posted 2014-07-21T22:29:03+02:00
My job description does not include farting on everyone else's office chairs but I still do it because INITIATIVE.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

*it's , genius

Comment by Anonymous

You sure its not because you're retarded?

Posted 2014-07-21T22:26:27+02:00
It only becomes a mistake if you regret it.

Epic(1)
12211
Comment by Anonymous

I know, you only lick the assholes of the thin beautiful ones who haven't wiped.

Comment by Anonymous

v Perhaps, but I don't fuck fat lazy idiots.

Comment by Anonymous

obviously she was waiting for you to come by

Comment by Anonymous

v Not to burst your bubble, lady, but that saying was out way before Tosh.O. Try leaving the house once in a while.

Comment by Anonymous

Nice come back with "tongue punching your moms fart box." That's real original. Tosh.O should put that on their show, oh wait...

Comment by Anonymous

v I've never said my mom was dead... probably some other anonymous...

Comment by Anonymous

So now she is not dead? You really need to make up your mind on that one.

Comment by Anonymous

v Good one, except my mom isn't dead. Nice readig comprehension btw...

Comment by Anonymous

v You're a mistake even if your dead mom can't regret it anymore.

Comment by Anonymous

I'll never regret tongue punching your mom's fart box.

Posted 2014-07-21T22:25:45+02:00
Some people are like Polaroids. You have to shake them violently before they make any sense.

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Yeah, they're called women.

Posted 2014-07-21T22:25:02+02:00
Shoutout to all the horror movies that led to sex.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

V And then you would have sex with the corpse.

Comment by Anonymous

Snuff films are the best.

Posted 2014-07-21T22:23:26+02:00
I want the equivalent of an e-cigarette for alcohol so I can do it at work. Get on that scientists!

Funny(3)
Comment by Anonymous

Become a pill popper, genius

Comment by Anonymous

Stop being a pussy and do as the guy below says.

Comment by Anonymous

just put it in ur starbucks cup....or water bottle....or pretty much any other non-alcoholic drink receptacle

Posted 2014-07-21T22:22:31+02:00
Gas is cheap considering you're buying liquid exploding dinosaurs.

Get a Life(3)
Comment by Anonymous

You need to brush up on your science.

Comment by Anonymous

Except you're not...

Comment by Anonymous

I remember the first time I laughed at this, I fell off my dinosaur.

Posted 2014-07-21T22:21:58+02:00
Taking viagra for my sunburn. Doesn't cure it but it keeps the sheets off of my legs at night!

Epic(3)
Comment by Anonymous

You should know you've sucked more of them than anyone here.

Comment by Anonymous

Unless you're Asian...

Posted 2014-07-21T22:20:45+02:00
I like to mess with dudes wearing Tapout shirts by saying "Cute top!"

Funny(1)

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