Posted 2014-10-21T23:12:39+02:00
The difference between cheating on your wife and cheating on your taxes is if you tell the truth, the IRS still wants to fuck you.

Posted 2014-10-21T22:37:43+02:00
I'm just a Stupid looking for my I'm With

Posted 2014-10-21T22:34:27+02:00
I just flew in from Detroit, and Boy my palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy

Comment by Anonymous

2002 called, they think you're a twat

Posted 2014-10-21T22:32:24+02:00
I'm trying to kick dairy and now I've got the milk shakes

Posted 2014-10-21T22:26:43+02:00
Peeta and Katniss have the potential for the most inappropriate celebrity couple nickname ever.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-10-21T22:24:52+02:00
Son have I told you about the birds & the bees? Dad you're an ornithologist & moms an entomologist it's literally all you guys talk about

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-10-21T22:14:57+02:00
I usually base my religious and political beliefs on flyers and pamphlets handed to me on the street.

Posted 2014-10-21T22:04:26+02:00
What's the level of crazy above a straitjacket?

Posted 2014-10-21T21:16:36+02:00
My neck, my back, my Netflix and my snacks.

Posted 2014-10-21T20:08:55+02:00
Attn: men sending penis photos: knock it off! By flooding the market w dong photos your devaluing the product, causing penis deflation.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-10-21T20:06:18+02:00
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.

Posted 2014-10-21T20:05:40+02:00
I don't get it. EVERYTHING we do is for money. Why does society condemn it for sex? DAD: Um, okay. Maybe someone ELSE wants to say grace?

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-10-21T20:04:36+02:00
Let's drink till this day makes some sort of sense.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-10-21T20:00:09+02:00
Arguing with a troll online is like trying to teach a goat to drive. No one's happy & your car is ruined & it's still a goat.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-10-21T17:41:03+02:00
Everyone has fitness goals and I'm over here like, if I burn this many calories I can eat a whole pizza.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-10-21T16:45:47+02:00
I'm starting to think we as a society may be trying to do too much with the Dorito.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-10-21T16:24:03+02:00
Married sext: I'm not wearing any underwear, because you never put the fucking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times

Posted 2014-10-21T16:19:31+02:00
Conspiracy theorists are all so dumb that I suspect they've been planted by a secret organization to distract us from what's really going on

Get a Life(2)
Posted 2014-10-21T16:16:45+02:00
I tried being modest once, as expected I was fucking amazing at it.

Get a Life(2)
Posted 2014-10-21T16:14:45+02:00


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