Share

Posted 2015-01-27T03:39:56+01:00
You can tell how much a woman hates her husband by how short she cuts her hair.

Fail(1)
Posted 2015-01-27T03:10:40+01:00
The vegan paradox: Boobie milk comes from people, and people are animals.

Fail(1)
Posted 2015-01-27T02:33:53+01:00
My spirit animal is that chicken who keeps crossing the road for reasons no one can figure.

Fail(1)
Posted 2015-01-27T02:31:02+01:00
How come no one in a zombie movie has ever seen a zombie movie

Fail(1)
Posted 2015-01-27T01:17:33+01:00
Of course size matters. No one wants a small pizza

Win(1)
Posted 2015-01-27T01:17:20+01:00
What do you call an alligator wearing a vest? A investigator. Hahaha I'm so sorry. No I'm not.

Win(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Hey Shercrock Holmes, great new joke.

Posted 2015-01-27T01:12:00+01:00
Maybe Jabba was extremely thin for a Hutt, you don't know.

Win(1)
Posted 2015-01-27T01:04:39+01:00
Personal trainer: So what's your goal? Me: I wanna look good in pictures that I'm not the one taking

Win(1)
Posted 2015-01-27T01:03:33+01:00
Life is like a box of chocolates-I won't have one on Valentine's Day.

Win(1)
Posted 2015-01-27T01:03:11+01:00
Chip clips are for quitters.

Win(1)
Posted 2015-01-27T01:02:54+01:00
Shazam, but for weird accents.

Win(1)
Posted 2015-01-27T01:01:53+01:00
Ever think Sleeping Beauty was like "Really? I just got to the good part of the dream"

Win(1)
Posted 2015-01-26T03:33:20+01:00
The cops knocked on my door and asked me where I was between 5 and 6....I told them kindergarten

Win(1)
Posted 2015-01-23T06:01:14+01:00
"COME ON YOU PIECE OF CRAP" I yell at my computer, a magic box that can do anything

Get a Life(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Try starting to learn English, then talking about something people care about.

Comment by Anonymous

I'm started to add abilify to my diet to increase copius limitations of inner urinary tract infections in the Gloxima Fortiumus Prima. Hey, everyone! this is your bud Christian from Bolivar again! ri co laaaaaaa

Posted 2015-01-23T06:00:18+01:00
I was just wondering, if you're not too busy sometime, maybe I could pet your dog

Epic(1)
Posted 2015-01-23T05:49:37+01:00
[museum tour in the future] Racism and sexism ended in the 21st century, when brave Americans argued it out of existence online

Epic(1)
Comment by Missgotham

If he/she is an American his status would refer directly to America.

Comment by Anonymous

There are other countries?

Comment by Anonymous

And once again it's all about America? ? I guess no one else exists!!

Posted 2015-01-23T05:25:11+01:00
For my dog's birthday I rented a school bus and drove him around with all the windows down.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

my dog would shit on your bus

Comment by Anonymous

Don't lie, you just took him on your short bus and they put the windows all down so you wouldn't lick them.

Posted 2015-01-23T05:10:35+01:00
I'll give a fuck. IDGAF.

Fail(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Hey look, another unfunny status posted by a retarded nigger.

Comment by Anonymous

status stalker monkey admins will allow any post as long as it is old and or not funny.

Comment by Anonymous

A whole page of shit that's not close to being funny.. How did these all get on here?

Posted 2015-01-23T05:07:58+01:00
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: I do. So that I could introduce you to our lord and savior, Jesus Christ. Cop: You're free to go

Fail(2)
Comment by Anonymous

cop will fuck your shit up, douchecanoe

Posted 2015-01-23T05:07:01+01:00
A Dexter like serial killer, but for people who want to talk in the car when you're clearly trying to fucking jam.

Funny(3)

Total Number of Statuses:25962

Status Stalker Login

Want to post a funny status? Well login isn't required but if you register and login you will have access to all the extra features status stalker has to offer.

Username:
Password:
Forgot Password?

Stalker Map

Facebook Addict Intervention Parody