I thought my life would include more impromptu sing-alongs.
Are you tired of not getting insulted before you fully open your eyes and brush your teeth, introducing - The Internet!
The Pink Panther's To Do list:
- To do
- To do
- To do, to do, to do, to do, to doooo
You never know how strong you are....
until you're home alone and have to open your own jar of pickles
Nah man, we didn't fuck because her bra and panties didn't match.
- no guy ever
Nothing says 'disappointed' better than an old guy looking up "Barenaked Ladies" on Google Images.
Dear Fox news,
I have yet to see any news about foxes.
Someone to have fresh coffee waiting next to my head the second I open my eyes.
Never underestimate the healing power of singing in a car really loud by yourself.
I never do sit ups at home because I absolutely hate domestic ab use.
Leftover bacon? Lol that's up there with unicorns, leprechauns, and soulmates.
I like to use just a little bit of bagel when I have my cream cheese in the morning cause I heard bread makes you fat.
My hope is that Joe Biden will go on Survivor after the White House. I would watch the hell out of that.
I may not be a perfect person but at least I have never yelled at an employee in a store
When is Beyonce going to announce that she's running for president?
If a white girl falls in the forest and no one is around to omg, does she even?
Settle down joggers at red lights, settle down.
The Bible is basically the longest set of Terms & Conditions ever, which is why so many people agree with it without knowing why.
A group of mistakes is called a life.
I bet it's called Almond Milk, because no one would buy Nut Juice.
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Facebook Addict Intervention Parody