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Posted 2015-03-31T19:09:11+02:00
It's gorgeous outside. I think I'll take a nap.

Funny(1)
Posted 2015-03-30T06:52:58+02:00
I'm terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

V There isn't a douche big enough to clean your mother's filthy gap.

Comment by Anonymous

And then one of the internet's biggest douche canoes just has to run his cock sucking hole.

Comment by Anonymous

And two of the most finest Captain Obvious's have arrived!!

Comment by Anonymous

No all of these statuses are 110% original. Who would ever steal something from someone on the internet?

Comment by Anonymous

Are you stealing statuses off TJ's Home? I swear I just was reading these top two statuses 5 min ago! Boring!!

Posted 2015-03-30T06:52:13+02:00
My high school girlfriend got "uses her kids as her facebook profile picture" fat.

Funny(2)
Posted 2015-03-30T06:40:44+02:00
Horoscopes: When you don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend to blame for your failures, try the solar system

Funny(1)
Posted 2015-03-30T06:37:07+02:00
If a guy's "junk" is his genitals, and a "trunk" is an ass, then isn't "junk in the trunk" getting fucked in the ass? Slang is confusing.

Funny(1)
Posted 2015-03-29T03:24:15+02:00
Don't half ass anything. Fuck it up all the way.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

If you can't fix it, fuck it up so nobody else can.

Posted 2015-03-29T00:37:31+01:00
Got a passcode lock that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong code to look in my phone. I now have fifty pictures of drunk me.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

I remember when I put this on here. 5 years ago.

Posted 2015-03-29T00:35:58+01:00
I wonder how many babies were born because of Fireball shots.

Funny(1)
Posted 2015-03-25T22:13:15+01:00
Are you tired of not getting insulted before you fully open your eyes and brush your teeth, introducing - The Internet!

Funny(3)
Posted 2015-03-25T05:09:10+01:00
The Pink Panther's To Do list: - To do - To do - To do, to do, to do, to do, to doooo

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Save the ink and paper and just pour some gas on yourself and light yourself on fire. You would die brighter than you ever were in your life.

Comment by Anonymous

If you've got another one like this, write it on a piece of paper and burn it! !

Posted 2015-03-25T04:59:54+01:00
You never know how strong you are.... until you're home alone and have to open your own jar of pickles

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

That's for cochinas

Posted 2015-03-25T03:20:05+01:00
Now hiring: Someone to have fresh coffee waiting next to my head the second I open my eyes.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

And then throw said coffee in your eyes.

Posted 2015-03-25T02:43:04+01:00
I never do sit ups at home because I absolutely hate domestic ab use.

Funny(1)
Posted 2015-03-23T22:39:50+01:00
If a white girl falls in the forest and no one is around to omg, does she even?

Funny(5)
Posted 2015-03-23T18:06:40+01:00
I bet it's called Almond Milk, because no one would buy Nut Juice.

Funny(4)
Comment by Anonymous

I bet most of the people posting statuses on here love nut juice more than your mom does.

Posted 2015-03-23T05:51:09+01:00
I was at this party and I lost my watch. Finally found it on the ground outside and some dude was standing on it. He was all up on this lady, harassing her. I went up and punched him right in the face. You don't harass a lady...not on my watch.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

I think it is time for you to stand in the corner.

Posted 2015-03-22T17:49:49+01:00
"Don't make me regret this." -things I think when accepting a friend request.

Funny(1)
Posted 2015-03-21T03:18:25+01:00
I'd like to apologize...to anyone I have not offended. I'll be with you momentarily.

Funny(3)
Posted 2015-03-21T03:16:27+01:00
No means no, unless she's dyslexic. Then it's on.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

way to perpetuate rape culture.

Posted 2015-03-21T03:15:44+01:00
When you said coke I assumed you meant cocaine. No thank you. Soda is bad for you.

Funny(1)

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