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Posted 2014-11-20T02:39:01+01:00
What's worse to have stuck in your head; a knife or All About That Bass?

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-11-19T23:36:46+01:00
Did Willow and Jaden Smith write that Matthew McConaughey Lincoln car commercial?

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-11-19T23:36:34+01:00
That person who waits to the last minute to change lanes and expects you to make room. NOT ON MY WATCH

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-11-19T05:48:46+01:00
12 hours into this marathon Netflix stopped asking me if I wanted to continue playing and just quietly asked, "You okay?"

Funny(3)
Posted 2014-11-19T05:22:20+01:00
I asked the waitress for a quickie and she slapped me. The old woman next to me said, "It's pronounced 'quiche', dear."

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-11-19T05:20:34+01:00
Ever work out and think "wow I really needed that"? That's how I feel about the chocolate chip cookie I just ate.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-11-19T05:13:52+01:00
I'll fuck a stranger but I won't even use a loved one's toothbrush.

Funny(1)
Posted by Segeld 2014-11-19T01:21:25+01:00
Best of luck explaining why you're still single at Thanksgiving and Charles Manson isn't.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-11-18T16:28:30+01:00
I, put commas, in, weird places, so that, you, will, read, this, like William, Shatner.

Funny(2)
Posted 2014-11-18T16:25:42+01:00
Before you complain about your life, remember: somewhere today, two parents are having to ponder Charles Manson as their future son-in-law.

Funny(2)
Posted 2014-11-18T16:24:46+01:00
If Charles Manson can get a girlfriend then so can you.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-11-18T16:24:33+01:00
Charles Manson can marry a person but I can't legally adopt my cat as my son wtf

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

That's because your cat is a female.

Posted 2014-11-17T01:41:40+01:00
Well, well, well, if it isn't the guy whose name I don't remember.

Funny(2)
Posted 2014-11-17T01:36:12+01:00
Shout out to sidewalks. Thanks for keeping me off the streets.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-11-17T01:31:15+01:00
I met a 5 year old named Hennessy today. What a time to be alive.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-11-17T01:23:54+01:00
I hope I'm never dad enough to have a cell phone holster.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-11-17T01:23:00+01:00
I write "Just the" on the tip line of my restaurant receipts because I'm an adult.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-11-17T01:17:17+01:00
No Sex November is going great so far

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Your mother is failing miserably at it.

Posted 2014-11-17T01:14:56+01:00
Power Rangers taught me that the way to solve a problem is to pose in front of it aggressively until it explodes

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-11-17T01:10:23+01:00
My anaconda don't want none unless you speak parseltongue

Funny(1)

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