Share

Posted 2014-10-27T21:22:40+01:00
I've found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

I've found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.

Comment by Anonymous

They better tuck both complete pants legs in.

Comment by Anonymous

That must be what the site moderators do.

Posted 2014-10-27T21:21:07+01:00
Do the world a favor: seek medical attention to have whatever has burrowed up your ass safely removed. Also, recycle.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

What if going to the doctor and recycling is what's burrowed up in there?

Posted 2014-10-27T21:18:56+01:00
Before forming an opinion on an important social topic, ask yourself: what would a completely unqualified millionaire celebrity actor think?

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

They would "feel at all." See the 'celebrity poster' ten statuses below.

Posted 2014-10-27T21:18:36+01:00
I probably shouldn't have the word "amazeballs" on my resume, but I don't know a better word to describe my ping-pong prowess.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Well we know you aren't referring to the size of your nut sack. With a resume like that you're nothing but a loser ass pussy.

Comment by Anonymous

It probably would not matter either way, I am sure you never had a chance at the job once they saw you.

Posted 2014-10-27T21:16:13+01:00
I don't mean to big-talk, but I have a very big vocabulary. Sooo big. And when I say big, I mean lots and lots of words. Big fucking words.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Big is three letters. I guess that counts.

Posted 2014-10-27T21:14:34+01:00
Train A leaves Station B in 32 minutes. Train C arrives at Station B in 30 minutes. Using a pencil and paper, write down your atm pin.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Been retweeted on twitter for several years now.

Comment by Anonymous

They admins are blind monkeys who will approve anything as long as it is not original and or funny.

Comment by Anonymous

Why does stupid shit like this get posted!?!

Posted 2014-10-27T21:07:46+01:00
People only write "Congrats!" because they can't spell "Congratulations"

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Truth is, people know how to spell "Congratulations". They only write "Congrats!" because it sounds better than "Congratulations". DUH!

Posted 2014-10-25T23:48:53+02:00
My parents say its their house, but when its time to clean it magically becomes my house too.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Your 40...get your own fucking place

Posted 2014-10-24T22:08:46+02:00
My life is a lot like Ikea furniture with missing instructions. I'll get it together eventually but it won't ever feel quite right

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-10-24T18:58:14+02:00
Someone just named their son Kale. Probably a baby Quinoa too.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-10-24T18:57:27+02:00
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo has been canceled. In other news, my faith in humanity has been restored.

Funny(2)
Posted 2014-10-24T05:55:22+02:00
Go fuck yourself is easily the most solid piece of advice that I can give you.

Funny(5)
Comment by Anonymous

Any comeback in which you are fucking your own mom is generally not considered a win.

Comment by Anonymous

When I'm done fucking yours

Comment by Anonymous

Fucking your mom is so much more fun though. bastard

Posted 2014-10-24T05:47:02+02:00
Making fun of dinosaurs to a paleontologist is a great way to get jurasskicked

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

but you still fucked his mom.

Comment by Anonymous

This joke is a fossil.

Posted 2014-10-22T23:35:05+02:00
I want to wear the scariest costume I can think of to work for Halloween this year, so I'm going as a pregnancy test.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-10-22T19:12:58+02:00
You can stop trying to drive me crazy. I'm honestly close enough to walk to it from here.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

This one has been around for years..

Posted 2014-10-22T19:10:56+02:00
Pocketwatches were replaced by wristwatches, which became digitalwatches, which were replaced by mobile phones. Which we keep in our pockets

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Which are now being replaced by watch phones

Comment by Anonymous

Smart watches were created they did not evolve. And 3........2..........1.........

Comment by Anonymous

You left out the whole smart watch evolution

Posted 2014-10-22T02:05:47+02:00
I peed so hard that a little laugh came out

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Ive seen this one for years now! seems to show us every few months.

Posted 2014-10-21T23:12:39+02:00
The difference between cheating on your wife and cheating on your taxes is if you tell the truth, the IRS still wants to fuck you.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

My husband cheated on me and I am still screwing him. The way I see it, you need to get yours.. Why add another number just yet. Make him the rebound.

Posted 2014-10-21T22:32:24+02:00
I'm trying to kick dairy and now I've got the milk shakes

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Don't have a cow, man

Posted 2014-10-21T22:14:57+02:00
I usually base my religious and political beliefs on flyers and pamphlets handed to me on the street.

Funny(2)

Total Number of Statuses:13823

Status Stalker Login

Want to post a funny status? Well login isn't required but if you register and login you will have access to all the extra features status stalker has to offer.

Username:
Password:
Forgot Password?

Stalker Map

Facebook Addict Intervention Parody