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Posted 2014-10-20T02:46:38+02:00
Your hair turns white when you get old for evolutionary reasons. Predators leave you alone if they think you're a wizard

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-10-19T23:46:46+02:00
Nothing like an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" to make you feel like a Harvard double major.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-10-19T23:45:41+02:00
If you love someone set them free, and then follow their life without you on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram for eternity

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-10-19T06:21:42+02:00
I like my coffee like I like my slaves. Free, you racist.

Funny(3)
Comment by Anonymous

Fail you racist

Comment by Anonymous

I hear Ya man! I hate having to pay for my slaves too.

Posted 2014-10-19T06:08:39+02:00
I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT! WHY THE FUCK WOULD SOMEBODY BREAK INTO A HOUSE JUST TO STEAL A REMOTE CON-Never mind, I found it.

Funny(2)
Posted 2014-10-19T05:42:14+02:00
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh? Tentickles.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Sounds like you have had to many practice tickles in your mouth. Testickles

Posted 2014-10-19T05:27:47+02:00
Jail isn't supposed to be fun why do they get bunk beds?

Funny(2)
Posted 2014-10-19T04:49:04+02:00
Grammar: the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you're shit.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-10-19T04:24:43+02:00
Chad kroeger in a store, his items come to $19.95, he pays with a $20 & walks away. "sir don't you want your nickel back?" he turns and winks

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

How you remind me of a time I took a photograph of a rock star and that was savin me from wanting to burn it to the ground. Now I'm never gonna be alone because I figured you out. If everyone cared, I'd come for you too.

Comment by Anonymous

All of you go stand in the corner.

Comment by Anonymous

You're as lame as nickelback.

Comment by Anonymous

Whoever posted this, please never post anything ever again. Thanks

Posted 2014-10-19T04:11:23+02:00
Porn is a lot like yoga pants. Not everybody should be in them.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Not your fat slob of a mother for sure.

Posted 2014-10-19T03:49:32+02:00
Has Missouri ever done a tourism ad with the slogan 'Missouri Loves Company?' If not, what is even the point of Missouri?

Funny(3)
Comment by Anonymous

Ummm. The Royals are about to win the series.

Posted 2014-10-19T03:45:11+02:00
No one in my entire life has believed in me more than the waiter who just gave me a single napkin to use while eating my lunch

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-10-17T19:48:52+02:00
Hi I'm an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-10-17T19:42:17+02:00
When God closes a door, he opens a window. Our heating bill is outrageous & six raccoons got in last night. Please God, this has to stop.

Funny(2)
Posted 2014-10-17T19:33:56+02:00
The most amazing historical event in Forrest Gump is when he got out of the friend zone with Jenny.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-10-17T19:31:46+02:00
I only support ghost hunting if you need the ghost for food.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Go stand in the corner.

Posted 2014-10-15T19:56:36+02:00
Is that a selfie or did you just photobomb a picture of your filthy bathroom?

Funny(4)
Posted 2014-10-15T19:50:35+02:00
You know you drank too much if you have to wait until your court appearance to find out what the hell happened that night

Funny(2)
Posted 2014-10-15T19:44:01+02:00
Personality is 40% genetics, 40% upbringing, and 20% the last movie you watched.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-10-15T18:27:51+02:00
Wear a Mickey Mouse costume to Chuck E. Cheese and angrily accuse him of fucking Minnie until you're forcibly removed or arrested.

Funny(3)
Comment by Anonymous

They will love someone like you in prison.


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