Share

Posted 2015-06-28T04:52:33+02:00
My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard & earned an online college degree.

Funny(3)
Comment by Anonymous

and yet you keep flunking every time you actually use all your brains and try.

Posted 2015-06-28T04:51:47+02:00
People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they're likely to cause.

Funny(3)
Posted 2015-06-28T04:01:51+02:00
I was gonna go out today but then I sat down. Gravity's a bitch.

Funny(1)
Posted 2015-06-28T04:01:13+02:00
I have a conflict of no interest

Funny(2)
Posted 2015-06-28T04:00:30+02:00
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

Funny(2)
Posted 2015-06-26T19:22:43+02:00
Today the Supreme Court foiled many gay men's plans to never have to "wife up" their significant other.

Funny(2)
Posted 2015-06-26T17:53:35+02:00
I hate when homesless people shake their cup of coins at me. It's like yeah I know you have more money than me, no need to rub it in.

Funny(2)
Posted 2015-06-26T04:05:05+02:00
If hearing "I love you" was enough, we'd all buy parrots and live happily ever after.

Funny(2)
Posted 2015-06-26T03:43:58+02:00
The future belongs to the kids who climb up the slide instead of using the steps.

Funny(2)
Posted 2015-06-26T03:36:45+02:00
I just changed my WiFi password to "blowmefirst." I can't wait for someone to ask me for it!

Funny(3)
Comment by Anonymous

I am sure he wants the whole football team to ask.

Comment by Anonymous

I will blow your brains out and make sure you are six feet under before the cops come looking for you.

Posted 2015-06-19T05:22:58+02:00
Who decided that we should sit together in groups while we chew food?

Funny(1)
Posted 2015-06-19T05:21:02+02:00
Coke Zero is fine, but I’d really like to see Double Chocolate Milkshake with Extra Whipped Cream and Rainbow Sprinkles Zero.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Says the mature dick who not only took the time to read the comments but then did not follow his own advice. Go swallow more dicks.

Comment by Anonymous

Such immature dicks on this page. Steal a status and move on trolls!

Comment by Anonymous

I bet u do cross fit ^^

Comment by Anonymous

Nothing will make that fat ass of yours smaller except the exercise you refuse to do.

Posted 2015-06-19T05:17:02+02:00
Kids today don't know how easy they have it. When I was young, I had to walk 9 feet through shag carpet to change the TV channel.

Funny(2)
Posted 2015-06-19T05:15:36+02:00
I farted today and 4 people turned around. I felt like I was on The Voice!

Funny(6)
Posted 2015-06-19T05:14:51+02:00
If cheese made you drunk, I wouldn't be able to walk right now.

Funny(1)
Posted 2015-06-19T04:27:57+02:00
Can you imagine the type of monster that eats a suggested serving size?

Funny(1)
Posted 2015-06-14T03:24:14+02:00
Men everywhere should appreciate Starbucks attempt to brainwash women into believing that grande means medium.

Funny(5)
Comment by Anonymous

That should be reversed. "medium means grande (large)"

Comment by Anonymous

Don't group us together just because you have a tiny penis

Posted 2015-06-12T05:39:03+02:00
Sometime when I lean in and look interested in what you're saying, I'm actually just farting.

Funny(1)
Posted 2015-06-12T05:38:21+02:00
If a vegan does crossfit, which do they talk about first?

Funny(2)
Posted 2015-06-11T05:58:49+02:00
The only plates I lift have food on them.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

I guess the restaurant where you bus tables serves such large portions people don't finish it all.


Total Number of Statuses:14379

Status Stalker Login

Want to post a funny status? Well login isn't required but if you register and login you will have access to all the extra features status stalker has to offer.

Username:
Password:
Forgot Password?

Stalker Map

Facebook Addict Intervention Parody