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Posted 2014-07-25T05:01:39+02:00
Looking for a roommate to split rent. Ideally someone who's not home much. Or at all. Or lives somewhere else & just gives me $1,000/month.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Just become a web whore already.

Posted 2014-07-25T04:58:07+02:00
If my ever girl proposed to me, I'd just kneel down with her and pretend that were praying.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

While you're down there, try reading a book on English grammar and punctuation!!

Comment by Anonymous

Really who would want a loser like you?

Posted 2014-07-21T22:29:03+02:00
My job description does not include farting on everyone else's office chairs but I still do it because INITIATIVE.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

*it's , genius

Comment by Anonymous

You sure its not because you're retarded?

Posted 2014-07-21T22:25:02+02:00
Shoutout to all the horror movies that led to sex.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

V And then you would have sex with the corpse.

Comment by Anonymous

Snuff films are the best.

Posted 2014-07-21T22:23:26+02:00
I want the equivalent of an e-cigarette for alcohol so I can do it at work. Get on that scientists!

Funny(3)
Comment by Anonymous

Become a pill popper, genius

Comment by Anonymous

Stop being a pussy and do as the guy below says.

Comment by Anonymous

just put it in ur starbucks cup....or water bottle....or pretty much any other non-alcoholic drink receptacle

Posted 2014-07-21T22:20:45+02:00
I like to mess with dudes wearing Tapout shirts by saying "Cute top!"

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-07-21T22:17:08+02:00
Woodpeckers have very clear life goals.

Funny(3)
Posted 2014-07-21T22:12:08+02:00
I really like that machine at the gym where you put money into it and snacks come out.

Funny(2)
Posted 2014-07-21T22:07:11+02:00
Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings.

Funny(4)
Comment by Anonymous

double stuffed crust

Comment by Anonymous

True, but it helps to let it cool before you try and fuck it.

Posted 2014-07-21T22:04:57+02:00
If guys were smart, they'd forget the nightclubs and watch the supermarket for girls who buy frozen dinners and cat food.

Funny(3)
Comment by Anonymous

Girls who buy frozen dinners and cat food are typically batshit crazy. Come to think of it, so are the ones who don't....OK forget it.

Comment by Anonymous

That no matter the bullshit we are not turning gay? Not sure what point u are attempting there...

Comment by Anonymous

It's funny all the ways that women bag on men... "assholes, pigs, douches, stupid, etc..." And you still have sex with them and marry them. What does that say about you?

Posted 2014-07-21T22:00:58+02:00
I think I'm in love with you but first show me your playlists.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

I changed my mind and I just have to tell you now. It's Cher, Elton John, Lady Gaga, Macklemore, Melissa Etheridge, Adam Lambert and anything by George Michael. Also yes, I would swallow his load.

Comment by Anonymous

I'll show you my playlist when you swallow my load.

Posted 2014-07-21T00:24:02+02:00
Have you ever wondered what a job application at Hooters is like? Maybe they just give you a bra and say, "here, fill this out".

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

it puts the lotion on its skin.

Comment by Anonymous

yup. they make you try on the outfit to "see if it's comfortable."

Comment by Anonymous

Lmfao guy below me ...I know right

Comment by Anonymous

And maybe this was funny when it was posted 8 years ago.

Posted 2014-07-21T00:16:42+02:00
What do 95% of men do after an orgasm? Delete their browser history.

Funny(4)
Comment by Anonymous

v See if you can blow your dad a few times so he will buy you a sense of humor.

Comment by Anonymous

These guys on the comments, I feel bad for them,,, :(, but I'm happy that at least you get act like you have a pair of balls. It's the closest you get to feeling like "tough guys" even if it's just on the internet.. Good for you.

Comment by Anonymous

Not me. I zip my pants and tell your mom to get the fuck out of my house.

Posted 2014-07-21T00:13:58+02:00
I have my fourth interview with the same company tomorrow. Not sure if I'm a prime candidate for the job or if I'm dating the CEO.

Funny(4)
Comment by Anonymous

I knew you fucked dudes, faggot.

Posted 2014-07-21T00:09:53+02:00
Feeling hungry is closest I get to emotions.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Open your mouth, I have some protein for you.

Posted 2014-07-21T00:09:37+02:00
First world problems: I couldn't hear the TV so I had to stop eating chips.

Funny(1)
23313
Comment by Anonymous

And the prize is a blowjob from your dad. I know is something you get every day, but you did win still. Don’t let anyone take that away from you.

Comment by Anonymous

Looks like I won this argument!

Comment by Anonymous

Cunt is a big word for a 12 year old

Comment by Anonymous

vvv *stated ealier

Comment by Anonymous

vv I bet even your mom thinks you're a cunt. As unfunny as the joke is, it's still a joke. In case you've been asleep for the past few years, the "first world problems" jokes that have been going around, have been used in this context. Stop being a fuckin' retarded pussy.

Comment by Anonymous

Holy smokes, serious first-world people! Let's all get angry and philosophical and grammatically technical about a stupid joke. And I say "stupid" in the most politically-correct, non-discriminatory way possible. Get a job, people! Society needs your perfect English. This joke web site does not, particularly.

Comment by Anonymous

This statement is wrong because of context. You know damn good and well that this person was trying to say that living in a first world country means you have enough money to be able to snack and watch tv at the same time while people in economically depressed countries aren't able to do this feat. Like I started earlier these terms have nothing to do with the economic state of that country. And congratulations you caught me in a typo. You're right, I'm not only a retard I take it to a whole new level to be worthy of the title "professor".

Comment by Anonymous

So you have no answer to the question? And the first world knows what a retard is and you are surely one but keep trying to hide behind the oxford dictionary. A retard by any other name still is just as mentally deficient, window licker.

Comment by Anonymous

"Retard" means: to be delayed. "Retarded" means: people who are slow or limited in mental development. Make sure you know the terms you are using before you use them wrong.

Comment by Anonymous

And since the person who wrote this is likely in a country that is or sides with the US this statement is wrong how? Oh, and the word you wanted was any not achy, professor retard

Comment by Anonymous

Let's straighten this out. First world, second world, and third world have nothing to do with the economic state of a country. The terms were coined during the cold war era. First world - the United States and achy country that sided with us. Second world - the ussr and any country that sided with them. Third world- any country that didn't take a side. Make sure you know the terms you are using before you use them wrong and sound like a retard.

Comment by Anonymous

you either have a very quit TV or you eat your chips way to loud.

Posted 2014-07-21T00:07:42+02:00
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.

Funny(4)
Comment by Anonymous

V his dick must've been cutoff at some point..

Comment by Anonymous

anyone who talks about chopping off a dick should burn in hell

Comment by Anonymous

Until the day you have to chop your own dick off for raping the neighbor's cat.

Posted 2014-07-21T00:01:20+02:00
I miss you like an idiot misses the point.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

She was just on her period and she was crying at how small your pathetic dick was.

Comment by Anonymous

v Nah, she liked it after she stopped bleeding and crying.

Comment by Anonymous

I guess you need get get better aim, motherfucker

Comment by Anonymous

I missed your mom's cunt one time and stabbed her right in the chocolate starfish.

Posted 2014-07-21T00:00:51+02:00
My idea of heaven consists of all of the things I'd go to hell for.

Funny(2)
Posted 2014-07-20T23:52:48+02:00
Sargasm: the exhilarating feeling you get when the right person understands that you weren't serious and appreciates your joke.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Instead of "the right person" it should be "that ONE person." Other than that, good one.


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