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Posted 2014-10-24T18:57:27+02:00
Here Comes Honey Boo Boo has been canceled. In other news, my faith in humanity has been restored.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-10-24T05:55:22+02:00
Go fuck yourself is easily the most solid piece of advice that I can give you.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Fucking your mom is so much more fun though. bastard

Posted 2014-10-24T05:47:02+02:00
Making fun of dinosaurs to a paleontologist is a great way to get jurasskicked

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

This joke is a fossil.

Posted 2014-10-22T23:35:05+02:00
I want to wear the scariest costume I can think of to work for Halloween this year, so I'm going as a pregnancy test.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-10-22T19:12:58+02:00
You can stop trying to drive me crazy. I'm honestly close enough to walk to it from here.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

This one has been around for years..

Posted 2014-10-22T19:10:56+02:00
Pocketwatches were replaced by wristwatches, which became digitalwatches, which were replaced by mobile phones. Which we keep in our pockets

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Which are now being replaced by watch phones

Comment by Anonymous

Smart watches were created they did not evolve. And 3........2..........1.........

Comment by Anonymous

You left out the whole smart watch evolution

Posted 2014-10-22T02:05:47+02:00
I peed so hard that a little laugh came out

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Ive seen this one for years now! seems to show us every few months.

Posted 2014-10-21T23:12:39+02:00
The difference between cheating on your wife and cheating on your taxes is if you tell the truth, the IRS still wants to fuck you.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

My husband cheated on me and I am still screwing him. The way I see it, you need to get yours.. Why add another number just yet. Make him the rebound.

Posted 2014-10-21T22:32:24+02:00
I'm trying to kick dairy and now I've got the milk shakes

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Don't have a cow, man

Posted 2014-10-21T22:14:57+02:00
I usually base my religious and political beliefs on flyers and pamphlets handed to me on the street.

Funny(2)
Posted 2014-10-21T21:16:36+02:00
My neck, my back, my Netflix and my snacks.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

LMFAO !!! Hilariousness... Now I am gonna be singing that nasty song all day. Thank fuck I am staying home. *Stands in line at bank.. - "Lick my pussy and my crack." - I'd die.

Posted 2014-10-21T17:41:03+02:00
Everyone has fitness goals and I'm over here like, if I burn this many calories I can eat a whole pizza.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-10-21T16:14:45+02:00
CAPS LOCK? DO YOU EVEN SHIFT BRO?

Funny(2)
Posted 2014-10-21T16:13:00+02:00
I hate getting my picture taken. Especially in front of a height chart at the police station.

Funny(2)
Posted 2014-10-21T16:09:37+02:00
I'm confident but not old dude in the gym changing room confident.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-10-21T16:08:16+02:00
I act like Pacman at parties. I walk around the room eating everything in site and avoiding everyone.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-10-21T15:59:51+02:00
Calm the fuck down guy with the Ed Hardy steering wheel cover, save some pussy for the rest of us.

Funny(2)
Posted 2014-10-21T15:58:09+02:00
I want to commit the perfect murder but I'm worried it might be too late to establish a career in sports.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-10-21T02:52:38+02:00
Everyday you're hustlin? EVERY day? Settle down Rick Ross. Everybody takes a day off here and there.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-10-21T01:56:51+02:00
Were not going to need a 'do not disturb' sign. We're going to need a 'please don't call the police were fine' sign.

Funny(1)

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