Funny Epic Win Get A Life Fail Share
Target employees do not have prizes for you no matter how many bullseyes you hit in the store with a paintball gun
Hibernation should be a human thing too
Banning us to the couch is not as bad as you believe it is ladies. It makes us feel manly. Like we're camping. With an angry bear close by.
There's always that last setting on your windshield wipers that makes you go "damn, calm the fuck down!"
I would unblock you but then I'd be admitting I'd made a mistake and that's just not my thing.
A threesome? No thanks, if I wanted to disappoint two people at once I'd go out to dinner with my parents.
In a parallel universe, the internet masturbates to you.
Roses are red, violets are purple! They are fucking purple!
So you're saying that "Mario Brothers" implies that Luigi's name is Luigi Mario and Mario's name is Mario Mario?
I'm proud to announce that I'm still the undefeated champion at racing with drivers who don't know we're racing.
Calm the fuck down, people younger than me who have their shit together.
I hate driving someone else's car cause I don't know where they put their boogers.
Really Google Autocomplete?
You honestly think I want to search for "hardcore poem"?
You can tell how much a woman hates her husband by how short she cuts her hair.
Maybe Jabba was extremely thin for a Hutt, you don't know.
Life is like a box of chocolates-I won't have one on Valentine's Day.
Chip clips are for quitters.
For my dog's birthday I rented a school bus and drove him around with all the windows down.
A Dexter like serial killer, but for people who want to talk in the car when you're clearly trying to fucking jam.
I remember 9 months before I was born, I went to a party with dad and left with mom.
Total Number of Statuses:14121
Funny Status Updates Find the funniest status updates for your Facebook or Twitter. Some statuses are hilarious while others make you questions why anyone would ever post that as their status. Vote on your favorite statuses now, and find the funniest statuses to make your own.
Facebook Addict Intervention Parody