Funny Epic Win Get A Life Fail Share
I realized I eat too much fast food so I decided I would start cooking for myself.
Does anyone here know how to "mcnugget" a chicken?
Imagine hating your life so much you write a YouTube comment.
I have the ability to get a song stuck in anyone's head and I don't wanna wait, for our lives to be over.
My cat's gonna be homeless unless he comes up with something funny to post on You Tube.
People say circumcision dosen't hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn't walk for nearly a year.
I go into Best Buy and ask "Where are your most expensive yet least guarded items?" Then someone is always nearby when I have questions.
Idea to improve NASCAR: Take half of the drivers and have them drive the other direction. I'd watch that shit in a heartbeat.
A slug is just a divorced snail.
There's no panic like trying to press "End" when you make an accidental call.
No one asks the tough questions, like why are drug dealers on the metric system?
It takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile so remember, happy people are pussies!
I'd be unstoppable if it wasn't for law enforcement and physics.
GTA 5 is so realistic that even the characters in the game aren't answering the phone when I call them.
God created the orgasm so women can moan even when they're happy.
I call my fists Thunder & Lightning because there's about a one in a million chance that they'll cause any damage.
North West sneezes. Kanye says "Kanye bless you" Kim slams her fist down "God damn it, Kanye" Kanye says "No, It's 'Kanye Damn it', Babe"
I'm sorry, I like you, I really do, but my oxytocin, dopamine, and seratonin levels are just not where I'd like them to be, and I blame you.
Is "drunk hobo" redundant? Are there sober hobos? Are they called "sobos"? Is this ambien ever going to kick in?
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair.
Her: I just feel like I'm not being heard.
Me: Definitely. Sounds good babe.
Her: Are you even listening to me?
Me: Thats crazy!
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Facebook Addict Intervention Parody