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Posted 2014-09-16T03:41:48+02:00
I realized I eat too much fast food so I decided I would start cooking for myself. Does anyone here know how to "mcnugget" a chicken?

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-09-16T03:26:38+02:00
Imagine hating your life so much you write a YouTube comment.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-09-15T02:26:29+02:00
I have the ability to get a song stuck in anyone's head and I don't wanna wait, for our lives to be over.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-09-15T00:06:59+02:00
My cat's gonna be homeless unless he comes up with something funny to post on You Tube.

Funny(2)
Posted 2014-09-14T05:58:24+02:00
People say circumcision dosen't hurt. I was circumcised when I was born and I couldn't walk for nearly a year.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

What status posted here hasn't been posted before?

Comment by Anonymous

This is old....it's been posted here before.

Comment by Anonymous

And you are still shitting yourself every day, poor bastard

Posted 2014-09-14T05:55:09+02:00
I go into Best Buy and ask "Where are your most expensive yet least guarded items?" Then someone is always nearby when I have questions.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-09-14T05:54:12+02:00
Idea to improve NASCAR: Take half of the drivers and have them drive the other direction. I'd watch that shit in a heartbeat.

Funny(2)
Posted 2014-09-14T05:44:05+02:00
A slug is just a divorced snail.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-09-14T05:19:45+02:00
There's no panic like trying to press "End" when you make an accidental call.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-09-14T05:09:06+02:00
No one asks the tough questions, like why are drug dealers on the metric system?

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

First comment made me LOL for real

Comment by Anonymous

how else do you evenly break up an ounce and still make sure that the client has enough for his needs. Its a business, not fema

Posted 2014-09-14T04:58:11+02:00
It takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile so remember, happy people are pussies!

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-09-13T14:51:49+02:00
I'd be unstoppable if it wasn't for law enforcement and physics.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-09-12T17:16:14+02:00
GTA 5 is so realistic that even the characters in the game aren't answering the phone when I call them.

Funny(2)
Posted 2014-09-12T17:15:05+02:00
God created the orgasm so women can moan even when they're happy.

Funny(3)
Comment by Anonymous

Best Status Ever

Comment by Anonymous

Best Status Ever

Posted 2014-09-12T17:08:16+02:00
I call my fists Thunder & Lightning because there's about a one in a million chance that they'll cause any damage.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-09-12T17:05:27+02:00
North West sneezes. Kanye says "Kanye bless you" Kim slams her fist down "God damn it, Kanye" Kanye says "No, It's 'Kanye Damn it', Babe"

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-09-11T00:42:16+02:00
I'm sorry, I like you, I really do, but my oxytocin, dopamine, and seratonin levels are just not where I'd like them to be, and I blame you.

Funny(2)
Posted 2014-09-10T23:23:06+02:00
Is "drunk hobo" redundant? Are there sober hobos? Are they called "sobos"? Is this ambien ever going to kick in?

Funny(4)
Posted 2014-09-10T23:15:17+02:00
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair.

Funny(3)
Posted 2014-09-10T22:45:35+02:00
Her: I just feel like I'm not being heard. Me: Definitely. Sounds good babe. Her: Are you even listening to me? Me: Thats crazy!

Funny(1)

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