Funny Epic Win Get A Life Fail Share
It's gorgeous outside. I think I'll take a nap.
I'm terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.
My high school girlfriend got "uses her kids as her facebook profile picture" fat.
Horoscopes: When you don't have a boyfriend or girlfriend to blame for your failures, try the solar system
If a guy's "junk" is his genitals, and a "trunk" is an ass, then isn't "junk in the trunk" getting fucked in the ass?
Slang is confusing.
Don't half ass anything. Fuck it up all the way.
Got a passcode lock that takes a picture whenever someone tries the wrong code to look in my phone.
I now have fifty pictures of drunk me.
I wonder how many babies were born because of Fireball shots.
Are you tired of not getting insulted before you fully open your eyes and brush your teeth, introducing - The Internet!
The Pink Panther's To Do list:
- To do
- To do
- To do, to do, to do, to do, to doooo
You never know how strong you are....
until you're home alone and have to open your own jar of pickles
Someone to have fresh coffee waiting next to my head the second I open my eyes.
I never do sit ups at home because I absolutely hate domestic ab use.
If a white girl falls in the forest and no one is around to omg, does she even?
I bet it's called Almond Milk, because no one would buy Nut Juice.
I was at this party and I lost my watch. Finally found it on the ground outside and some dude was standing on it. He was all up on this lady, harassing her. I went up and punched him right in the face. You don't harass a lady...not on my watch.
"Don't make me regret this." -things I think when accepting a friend request.
I'd like to apologize...to anyone I have not offended. I'll be with you momentarily.
No means no, unless she's dyslexic. Then it's on.
When you said coke I assumed you meant cocaine. No thank you. Soda is bad for you.
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