Stalked on 03/22/2012 @ 7:01pm
A co-worker has stopped acknowledging me in the hallway. Please tell me what I did to make you want to ignore me, so I can do it to others.

Stalked on 01/10/2012 @ 9:28pm
I've already used up all of my sick days for 2012.

Stalked on 01/05/2012 @ 11:46pm
That awkward moment when you try to Force choke an annoying co-worker and realize you don't have the Force.

Comment by Anonymous

That awkward moment when people tell you ,That awkward moment jokes are not funny.

Comment by Anonymous

This dude has about enough force to suck off his stepdad while he wrote this.. what a homo

Comment by Anonymous

I agree with the below comment! Those "That awkward moment when..." statuses are really old!

Comment by Anonymous

You know what is more awkward? Still using "that awkward moment when...." status updates. Use a complete sentence next time.

Stalked on 12/13/2011 @ 8:01am
There is a big difference between drinking to get drunk and drinking to stay warm, and HR needs to learn that difference.

Stalked on 11/21/2011 @ 3:55am
if your depressed about the world remember that sea otters hold hands so they dont float away while sleeping

Comment by Anonymous

vv THEY'RE.....

Comment by Anonymous

and then there clubbed to death.....

Stalked on 11/11/2011 @ 12:30am
Computers at work crashed three hours ago but no one bothered to wake me up from my nap to tell me I can leave. My co-workers are so lazy.

Stalked on 11/11/2011 @ 12:20am
I'm just SOOO busy. I spend 70% of my day telling people how busy I am and the other 30% trying to make myself look REALLY REALLY busy.

Stalked on 11/08/2011 @ 9:16pm
My boss is one in a million. I'm just hoping this lightning storm thinks so too...

Stalked on 11/02/2011 @ 8:59am
If I had an office job I'd purposely click on computer viruses.

Stalked on 10/29/2011 @ 4:27am
I'm at the point today that I'm willing to pee my pants if that means I can go home early.

Stalked on 10/29/2011 @ 3:46am
I'm the guy in the office that steals your Red Bull.

Comment by Anonymous

Monster, monster, ima mother f**kin monster

Comment by Anonymous

Red Bull is shit.

Stalked on 10/28/2011 @ 4:45am
It's so cool when my boss comes back from lunch and hands me a $589 receipt for it. Meanwhile, I eat my package of Ritz crackers :(

Stalked on 10/26/2011 @ 6:02pm
My boss should retire somewhere hot so he's prepared for hell.

Stalked on 10/26/2011 @ 5:48pm
Every time someone wishes me a happy hump day, I want to hump their face with my fist.

Comment by Anonymous

Is that cuz you've never gotten laid?

Comment by Anonymous

Hump dAy is the middle of the week if you guys didn't know

Stalked on 11/04/2010 @ 6:18pm
Why does nobody want to hire a "learns as I go" software engineer? I'm good, or at least I will be, I promise

Stalked on 11/04/2010 @ 11:02am
I wasn't sleeping at my desk. I just needed to put my head down to concentrate better.

Stalked on 11/03/2010 @ 1:35pm
Maybe things would improve if we shipped Congress's jobs overseas too.

Comment by Anonymous

we tried that already...

Comment by Anonymous

thats a thought!

Comment by Anonymous

oh man! i love it!

Stalked on 10/31/2010 @ 9:31am
hard to run a circus when the boss is a clown.

Stalked on 10/29/2010 @ 10:45am
It must be impossible to stand out as a prostitute working on Halloween.

Stalked on 10/27/2010 @ 7:09pm
Got an email saying I could make millions of dollars in my spare time. I'm considering going full-time.


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