Funny Epic Win Get A Life Fail Share
You can tell a lot about a person by what their phone's background is.
Go to google and press I'm feeling lucky after typing: LOLLIMEWIRE
The older man in the elevator said he was looking forward to retirement. "How many days do you have left?" I asked. Him: 2,743.
I don't take anything you say seriously. You're just an idiot who has internet access.
When someone tries to impress you, it means they're impressed by you.
Here's your social security card. It's paper & has to last you forever. Don't laminate it. Good luck! -The Government
those nights when you can't sleep, you just might be in someone else's dreams
My ex and I were happy for a long time, but then we met each other.
Break the rules, drink some shots, live your life, and laugh a lot.
Life Goal: make it to the bottom of my chapstick before losing it.
AND YOU GET A HALF SISTER! AND YOU GET A HALF SISTER! AND YOU GET A HALF SISTER!
Everything Bagels are a lie! Where are the M&M's?
When life gives you a hundred reasons to cry, show life that you have a thousand reasons to smile.
You show me a woman who doesn't feel guilty and I'll show you a man.
I love it when people call me at 3 AM.
"Hey, are you asleep?"
"No, I'm skydiving."
Why does Facebook give me the option to like my own status? Of course I like it, I wrote it.
Facebook: a place to be unoriginal and be "liked" for it.
If you're single and watching "The Notebook" alone, you're probably depressed.
Flirting with bartenders is called a discount.
I need to get out of bed and do something so I can justify taking a nap later.
Total Number of Statuses:4777
Epic Statuses Not everything is Epic, but these statuses are! These legendary statuses will be remembered and used over and over again until the end of time, probably. If you think you have an epic status submit it now!
Facebook Addict Intervention Parody