20 Funny Facebook Status to call your own.
1. I need all my Facebook friends to send me $1,828.15, so I can be a millionaire. (replace this number with a million divided by your friends)
2. Facebook is like a relationship, once you think you have it all figured out, everything changes.
3. This is not Facebook, what book? Slutbook? They need to call this F*ckbook. Picture lookin good, but in person. . . . Yuckbook. Hellbook, Tellbook, bitches can’t Spellbook. Hate behind your back, but in person wish you Wellbook. Glitchbook, Snitchbook, fake family Listbook. Posting on her page, this is trying to steal your Bitchbook. Rudebook, Feudbook, tell your every Movebook. Don’t even need a t.v. this shit is Newsbook.
4. The ‘slut’ double-standard always kind of annoys me. If a woman sleeps with a bunch of dudes, she’s a slut, but if a guy goes out and does the same thing, all of a sudden he’s ‘gay’.
5. Go to Google maps, bring up directions from Washington D.C. to Japan and look at instruction number 48.
6. Facebook is a lot like a fridge. When you’re bored you keep opening and closing it every couple of minutes to see if there’s anything good, but nothing ever changes.
7. “I’ll be there in 5 minutes…if not, read this again.”
8. If you can read this then it’s your lucky day. I did my monthly facebook friend deletions and you made the cut! Good Luck next month 
9. I believe every single word you say. It’s when you put them together to form a sentence that I think it’s bullshit
10. Next time I’m on an elevator with four or more strangers, I’m going to turn around and say, “I’m sure you’re wondering why I’ve gathered you all here.”
11. Part of me says I can’t keep drinking like this. The other part of me says, “Don’t listen to that guy. He’s drunk.”
12. You know when you finish an extremely hot shower, throw open the door and cold air hits you full force? I’d like that in a Gatorade flavor.
13. An “open relationship” is when both people are cheating on each other and want everyone else to know.
14. When I watch MTV cribs I don’t feel bad about downloading music illegally.
15. Why is it that I have to recite the entire alphabet to remember where one letter is?
16. At least clean up the bathroom before taking your profile picture.
17. When people try extra hard to cover the keypad as they enter their pin at the ATM, I always want to whisper, “I saw it” when they’re done.
18. I changed all my passwords to “incorrect” so when I forget them, the computer will say “your password is incorrect”
19. We should have a way of telling people their breath stinks without hurting their feelings like, for example: “I’m bored, lets go brush your teeth!”
20. Just read that burglars use Facebook to see when people aren’t home. So from now on, I’m at home. With a rifle. And a hungry crocodile
