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Posted 2015-07-01T10:42:08+02:00
Stop holding in your farts. They're traveling up your spine, and going into your brain which apparently is giving you a bunch of shitty ideas.

Fail(3)
Comment by Anonymous

No one talks more shit than a Clinton.

Comment by Anonymous

I think you're talking about Mike Huckabee

Comment by Anonymous

Like posting this as a status?

Posted 2015-06-30T03:05:46+02:00
Another Republican has declared, making the total fourteen. Instead of numberous debates, could we just get one battle royal?

Get a Life(3)
Comment by Anonymous

Republicans get lotsa choices - Dems get a dried up prune as their ONLY choice. Jokes on you.

Comment by Anonymous

Dude, this did not make one bit of sense.

Comment by Anonymous

Numerous. The word is numerous. Learn to speak.

Posted 2015-06-28T04:52:33+02:00
My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard & earned an online college degree.

Funny(4)
Comment by Anonymous

and yet you keep flunking every time you actually use all your brains and try.

Posted 2015-06-28T04:51:47+02:00
People, like prescription drugs, should have to list the side effects they're likely to cause.

Funny(3)
Posted 2015-06-28T04:50:50+02:00
My coworker is pregnant and they passed a card around and I didn't know what to write so I just put HAVE A GOOD BABY TANYA

Fail(2)
Comment by Anonymous

i do not get it.

Comment by Anonymous

It's nice the let the moron who cleans the floors sign the card too.

Posted 2015-06-28T04:49:07+02:00
Law & Order: STFU

Fail(2)
Posted 2015-06-28T04:37:34+02:00
Why "Trojan" condoms? Didn't the Trojan horse burst open & thousands of little guys poured out? Less than stellar marketing.

Get a Life(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Trojan man. Strong, virile, etc. also, old as dirt.

Comment by Anonymous

This one is older than sperm

Comment by Anonymous

It's not a condom for incredibly large, wooden, army hiding horse statues.

Posted 2015-06-28T04:17:29+02:00
If you told me 10 yrs ago that I would be 20 with ZERO chinese stars, nunchuks or ninja swords in my house I would've kicked your ass.

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

No one told you that. They said you'd be a gay wanker who would post stupid things online and they were right.

Posted 2015-06-28T04:16:56+02:00
Who in the fuck thought up the Tooth Fairy?

Get a Life(3)
Comment by Anonymous

He's a supreme Court Justice of the US today!

Comment by Anonymous

White people.

Posted 2015-06-28T04:16:33+02:00
Starting to think the "walls" you have around you were built by the terrified villagers to keep you in.

Fail(2)
Posted 2015-06-28T04:06:36+02:00
Interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: Probably still mirrors.

Fail(2)
Comment by Anonymous

You can't see it you don't have 2020 vision

Comment by Anonymous

And still living with your parents.

Posted 2015-06-28T04:01:51+02:00
I was gonna go out today but then I sat down. Gravity's a bitch.

Funny(1)
Posted 2015-06-28T04:01:13+02:00
I have a conflict of no interest

Funny(2)
Posted 2015-06-28T04:00:49+02:00
My life is currently buffering

Get a Life(2)
Posted 2015-06-28T04:00:30+02:00
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

Funny(2)
Posted 2015-06-28T03:57:55+02:00
People who can do a cartwheel calm the fuck down

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2015-06-28T03:56:31+02:00
Don't waste good booze on bad memories

Epic(1)
Posted 2015-06-28T03:55:55+02:00
Washing my entire car with a squeegee at the gas pump

Fail(3)
Comment by Anonymous

I've done that in the winter.

Posted 2015-06-27T05:49:26+02:00
50 States Of Gay...

Get a Life(4)
Comment by Anonymous

You first, fag!

Comment by Anonymous

Shut it cunt!!

Comment by Anonymous

more like South of Heaven. Have a safe trip fucker.

Comment by Anonymous

haha deal with it South

Posted 2015-06-27T03:15:08+02:00
Summary of what happened today. The Supreme Court legalized gay marriage and Disneyland banned selfie sticks.

Win(4)
Comment by Anonymous

In a nutshell. Yes.


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