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Posted 2014-08-20T23:07:42+02:00
Yes Officer, I carry a knife, but that's just in case I find a cake.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

V Obese diabetic cock muncher

Comment by Anonymous

V How dare you call cake junk food you inconsiderate fart box licker..

Comment by Anonymous

and you likely got stopped outside a walmart since you have junk food on your mind.

Comment by Anonymous

You're obviously white... A. You talked to the police. B. You were polite.

Posted 2014-08-20T23:07:09+02:00
It's amazing how 3 minutes with the wrong person feels like an eternity, yet 3 hours with the right one, feels like only a moment.

Epic(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Cut this bullshit out. Please

Comment by Anonymous

Be honest, we know you love the gay.

Comment by Anonymous

No, what's amazing is how this site is slowly turning from a joke site to a gay philosophical site.

Posted 2014-08-20T23:04:19+02:00
I'm quitting the blueberry only diet. I haven't lost a pound and I'm getting tired of blueberry pancakes, muffins and poptarts every meal.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Derp! GERD ERN FERGERT!!!!

Posted 2014-08-20T23:01:36+02:00
You know you're getting old when you have to have a drink to motivate you to go out & have a drink.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

v If there's grass on the field, play ball... if not, flip them over and play in the mud. ; P

Comment by Anonymous

V Just the way you like them, liquored up and 12, pedophile

Comment by Anonymous

You're probably twelve, bitch.

Posted 2014-08-20T22:57:07+02:00
At a wedding where the minister told everyone to stand next to the person who makes life worth living. The bartender was almost trampled.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Man, I remember when this was funny twenty years ago...

Posted 2014-08-20T22:49:22+02:00
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it's sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can't really touch anything.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

vv Can you repeat that, I'm a pretty smart guy, but I can't decipher retard.

Comment by Anonymous

*your, asswipe.

Comment by Anonymous

fist her with you're prosthetic hand.the one you lost being gay in the Army

Comment by Anonymous

Bullshit! I fist my wife whenever the fuck I want.

Posted 2014-08-20T22:33:37+02:00
Clear the unused time on the microwave, you monster!

Epic(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Your parents probably leave it up there to remind you how many times they thought about aborting you.

Posted 2014-08-20T22:31:11+02:00
Someday, I hope to be so rich that I'll never be happy again.

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

V Ah, so you are a stupid and cheap bastard who is not smart enough to create it, and just wants a free sample that you can demonstrate multiple times every day to try and sell them.

Comment by Anonymous

v Nah, it's just the enthusiasm of an optimistic salesman. ; )

Comment by Anonymous

Sounds like your 1st and biggest customer is waiting for your invention.

Comment by Anonymous

You should invent a combination pocket pussy/dildo that runs from your cock to your mouth, so when you ejaculate you can swallow your load and there's no clean up!!

Posted 2014-08-20T18:50:21+02:00
Bless me Father for I hit send.

Epic(3)
Comment by Anonymous

He'd probably rather blow you.

Posted 2014-08-20T18:48:45+02:00
Snails would be terrifying if they moved quickly.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

v Took me almost no time at all... Less than a minute. And I haven't worked fast food since I was a teenager, so there's no need to worry about that... your mom however, better keep an eye on her. ; )

Comment by Anonymous

vvv the fact that you took the time to type such disgusting nonsense is mind boggling. Your thought process is very concerning and I really hope that you are not the guy putting my fries in my bag because I would not want someone like you to touch my food...or my mom.

Comment by Anonymous

v Disgustingly funny. : ) Thank you. : )

Comment by Anonymous

The comment below me, you are disgusting.

Comment by Anonymous

I flicked your mom's clit one time and she queefed and left a slug trail... It was kind of scary. It was like her pussy sneezed. She has really big lips too... kind of reminded me of a flying squirrel.

Posted 2014-08-19T21:56:06+02:00
Being a Zombie doesn't sound that bad. You don't have a job and your entire day is spent looking for things to eat. Shit, I do that now.

Funny(1)
Posted 2014-08-19T21:54:26+02:00
"We attack at dawn!" - Hangovers

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-08-19T21:46:44+02:00
Hey guys flexin on Instagram, you cried when Bambi's mother died, just like the rest of us. Remember where you came from.

Get a Life(2)
71310
Comment by Anonymous

V I think I understand why you failed math so badly. Please go back to night school and learn percentages. But I bet you did well on fiction since you have an active, albeit twisted imaginary world you live in.

Comment by Anonymous

v I'd say 5% of my posts are mom jokes... That's not very many. And if I was homo, I wouldn't be banging your mom. ; )

Comment by Anonymous

V LOL yes you do every day when you come on here and post all your stupid mom shit. And I am not the one who works for tips at the local glory hole so stop calling others what you are.

Comment by Anonymous

v I don't participate in stupidity, homo.

Comment by Anonymous

V I nominate you to the douchebag awareness boiled water challenge. Within 24 hours you must dump a boiling hot pot of water on yourself or stay off the internet for a year.

Comment by Anonymous

v That hurts, coming from a fuckin' retard like yourself. Ha ha.

Comment by Anonymous

No one wants to hurt your feelings cupcake. You are, after all, the resident douchebag of Status stalker.

Comment by Anonymous

v Perhaps if you made more sense, you might have hurt my feelings.

Comment by Anonymous

V Premature ejaculator. Could not even wait till he got home to fuck his mom.

Comment by Anonymous

I came in my pants when Bambi's mother died.

Posted 2014-08-19T20:18:10+02:00
I'm so sick and tired of my friends who can't handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me three time while carrying me to the car.

Win(2)
Comment by Anonymous

vv Sorry, forgot the quotes around "they." : )

Comment by Anonymous

This status is played out. This makes the 4th time it was posted just like your moms number

Comment by Anonymous

They doesn't? Lol

Comment by Anonymous

v Lol, I'll go 50/50 with you on this... They doesn't specify how many, but it could very well have been three. : )

Comment by Anonymous

V No.. Slow down and read it again pumpkin :)

Comment by Anonymous

It took 3 people to carry you?.. Fat bitch.

Posted 2014-08-19T20:14:49+02:00
Only a fool trips on what's behind him.

Epic(2)
Posted 2014-08-19T20:12:39+02:00
If your single and you know it pet your cat.

Epic(1)
Comment by Anonymous

If you can't spell and you know it, go back to school.

Comment by Anonymous

But I don't have a single...

Posted 2014-08-19T20:07:54+02:00
I was 3 yrs old when my mom was diagnosed with my brother.

Funny(4)
Comment by Anonymous

V I can't help what you look like. And we all know you would be all over Quasimodo's cock over breasts any day.

Comment by Anonymous

v That would have made better sense if you had picked two people from the same time period... You know, Lizzie has some big tits for a skinny chick... I wouldn't mind playing with them.

Comment by Anonymous

V That is because there is nothing good to say about them. We all know you look like the love child of Quasimodo and Lizzie Velazquez.

Comment by Anonymous

v I didn't say anything about my incredible good looks.

Comment by Anonymous

v leave your looks out of it.

Comment by Anonymous

v You forgot funny as well. : )

Comment by Anonymous

v good call. well, at least you are a witty mother fucker... :D

Comment by Anonymous

v If I'm out banging everyone's mother, I wouldn't have time for porn, now would I? ; )

Comment by Anonymous

v your thought process is so disturbing and you seem a bit obsessed with having sex with everyone's mother. maybe you need to cut down on the porn and get outside for some fresh air.

Comment by Anonymous

How ironic... You were 3 years old when I deposited a load into your mother's fat snatch.

Posted 2014-08-19T20:02:53+02:00
Yeah but why do they call him Bigfoot if both of his feet are the exact same size

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

They call your mom Bigfoot because she can fit a size 14 boot in her cunt.

Posted 2014-08-19T20:00:23+02:00
Step up in the club like, wait I gotta check-in and tag us in Facebook

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Check-in with your mom? Bitch.

Posted 2014-08-18T21:24:57+02:00
Damn girl are you Internet Explorer? Cause you're not responding

Epic(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Damn boy, are you a regular poster to SS? Cause you are unfunny as fuck.


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