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Posted 2012-05-18T10:04:02-07:00
If the musical 'Annie' taught us anything, it's that ginger kids sure can sing, but their parents still prefer to disown them at birth.

Funny(1)
19110
Posted 2012-05-18T10:03:48-07:00
If you say YOLO one more time, I'm gonna make you prove it!

Fail(3)
11150
Posted 2012-05-18T10:03:40-07:00
It's weird being the only person who knows how to drive.

Funny(3)
11103
Comment by Rogeliodgs

*sent from a Desk Computer while driving.. like a Boss

Comment by Anonymous

you need to be donkey punched.

Comment by Anonymous

*sent from an Android Phone while driving.

Posted 2012-05-18T10:03:34-07:00
I've come to realize I hate everybody who doesn't live in my phone.

Funny(1)
5150
Posted 2012-05-18T10:03:22-07:00
You don't truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine

Funny(4)
3170
Posted 2012-05-18T10:03:00-07:00
Here's a complete list of all the things in life I've got figured out:

Get a Life(2)
1460
Posted 2012-05-18T10:02:44-07:00
The more routine our lives become, the more important it is to have things we are passionate about. It keeps us from going insane.

Funny(1)
961
Comment by Anonymous

Another lonely IRL poster...you can tell.

Posted by Sauezb 2012-05-18T09:17:29-07:00
Its like all the people I knew from highschool but never stayed friends with invade my news feed with round the clock updates about how there still worthless piles of shit. Turns out "thug life" doesn't pan out for most white kids.

Epic(4)
1992
Comment by Anonymous

They're or Their......not There!! Also, around....not round. Maybe, you should've paid more attention in high school also!

Comment by Anonymous

Superfunny!!!!!

Posted by Cain10 2012-05-18T07:38:19-07:00
I've just bought a Greek salad...Well, he didn't have any money!

Funny(1)
3151
Comment by Anonymous

Makes no sense without speaking correctly, and then it's not funny. FAIL

Posted 2012-05-18T02:53:24-07:00
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. 'Not a chance,' says the husband, 'it is 3:00 in the morning!'He slams the door and returns to bed. 'Who was that?' asked his wife. 'Just some drunk guy asking for a push,' he answers. 'Did you help him?' she asks. 'No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!''Well, you have a short memory,' says his wife. 'Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!' The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, 'Hello, are you still there?' 'Yes,' comes back the answer. 'Do you still need a push?' calls out the husband. 'Yes, please!' comes the reply from the dark. 'Where are you?' asks the husband. 'Over here on the swing,' replied the drunk.

Funny(5)
421711
Comment by Despin

I thought it was pretty funny, lol!!!

Comment by Anonymous

lolll

Comment by Anonymous

Omg.... Such waste of time. I an not believe it! And honestly.... This I the first time ever that I am leaving a negative comment. I never thought I would do it.... But this thing.... It was waaaaaaayyy toooo long but I kept thinking that something great and really funny will come out of it. I'm still waiting for that.... It never happened. It never will.

Comment by Anonymous

tldr

Comment by Planet

actually couldn't make heads nor tails of it...went back and re-read several times.

Comment by Planet

lol

Comment by Anonymous

Zzzzzzzzzz...

Comment by Anonymous

Damn planet, you read really slow! J/K, this was a waste of time

Comment by Planet

took me two minutes to read thru this mess........thats two minutes of my life I just can't get back..........BASTARD,!

Comment by Anonymous

Lame, old, and retired.

Comment by Anonymous

yawn

Posted 2012-05-17T19:50:27-07:00
Just wanted to let you know that I love you even though you aren't naked right now.

Funny(1)
6150
Posted 2012-05-17T19:48:38-07:00
I miss being angry at you...

Funny(1)
2170
Posted 2012-05-17T19:48:17-07:00
Let's take things to the previous level

Fail(1)
650
Posted 2012-05-17T12:20:54-07:00
That moment when you do something amazing and nobody is around too see it

Epic(1)
980
Posted 2012-05-17T09:01:59-07:00
I'm not nodding to say yes about your idea....The voices in my head are agreeing with me that you're an idiot

Funny(3)
27103
Comment by Anonymous

i get it but it's dumb as fuck.

Comment by Anonymous

Youre an idiot if you dont get it

Comment by Anonymous

I don't get it

Posted 2012-05-17T08:56:26-07:00
Within 10 years, women will comprise over half the workforce. When it happens I can't wait for daytime talk shows to start being geared more towards unemployed men. "Coming up next, we'll get some tips on how to seem showered without actually having to and after that Dr. Steve will explain why your balls will sometimes start moving on their own when you sit on the couch!"

Get a Life(3)
41158
Comment by Anonymous

Fuck this shit just let me put my dick inside..

Comment by Dilligaf13

Blonde. V V V V

Comment by Anonymous

I don't get it

Comment by Anonymous

move v v v

Comment by Anonymous

Mine mo e to the rhythm of the beat!

Comment by Anonymous

I've always noticed they withdrawl inside me when I'm watching scary movies or in the cold.

Comment by Anonymous

Dont act like youve never wanted to know why they move like that

Comment by Anonymous

My balls start moving cause your mama's tonguing them.

Posted 2012-05-17T08:55:44-07:00
I would switch cell-phone providers if one had an "unsend my drunk text" option

Fail(1)
7101
Comment by Anonymous

If this wasn't the best one, I would switch status generators to not see statuses like this...

Posted 2012-05-17T08:42:00-07:00
If you think I wrote this status update in the nude, you're wrong. I'm wearing a sombrero and a candy necklace.

Epic(5)
36108
Comment by Anonymous

Why should they credit them? No one bothers to credit the comedians that they steal from. What makes this any different?

Comment by Anonymous

You should at least credit MSIB

Comment by Anonymous

You sure that wasn't a pearl necklace?

Comment by Anonymous

To the moron below: It's status stalker you idiot! Why should they change it? Do you even know how dumb you sound writing any of that...this whole site exist so people can steal a status duhhhh GET WITH IT!

Comment by Anonymous

Nice. Stealing from MSIB word for word and copying here. At least change it up a bit.

Comment by Anonymous

I love it...and am totally stealing it!

Comment by Anonymous

Go sit in the corner!

Comment by Anonymous

That is the most retarded status update ever!

Posted by Leah6666 2012-05-17T04:43:56-07:00
I was on a plane today. The stewardess said, "would you like some headphones?" I said, "sure, but how did you know my name was Phones?"

Fail(3)
39305
Comment by Anonymous

I think this is hilarious because on my flight last night, the stewardess' name was Leah and she actually did give me head and swallowed my load. Thanks !!!!

Comment by Anonymous

Hahahahhahah

Comment by Anonymous

Man...this seriously made me "lol"!

Comment by Anonymous

haha! i hope you didn't get slapped in the face

Comment by Anonymous

haha you wish!

Posted by Leah6666 2012-05-17T04:42:52-07:00
Will be having a party this weekend!!!!! Stay tuned for more details. If you're not invited, its because you have been deemed incapable of being around high levels of greatness.

Get a Life(2)
5184
Comment by Anonymous

This was a great party !!! I got to fuck a chick named Leah. She wanted me to fuck her in the ass and she took it all like a champ. Thanks !!!!

Comment by Despin

Too bad you can only thumbs down once.....

Comment by Leah6666

I know, why the hell did this shit get posted?

Comment by Anonymous

Lame as fuck

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