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They say the more you drink the higher your tolerance is, but that's bullshit because my friend's an alcoholic & he still hates gays.
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Shit old people Google: 1. Dubstep 2. Skrillrex 3. Hashtag 4. DTF 5. Steampunk 6. Pinterest 7. Linsanity 8. Scarlett Johansson naked
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What's that thing that's like Photoshop except way easier to use and it's for real life? Oh yeah, vodka.
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Posted
2012-02-22T05:49:55-08:00
Im not stalking you......FYI your almost out of milk...
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Posted by
Apostle 2012-02-22T04:43:02-08:00
I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.
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Posted
2012-02-21T16:17:37-08:00
Facebook is like a nude beach. Everybody lets everything hang out, a lot of which you really don't want to see.
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Why do they keep records of people who died due to alcohol, but not the records of people who were born thanks to it?
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When people ask me for advice, I tell them, "Use your best judgment," which they clearly don't have if they are asking me for advice.
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Posted
2012-02-21T10:36:32-08:00
When hiking this summer, please be careful of rattlesnakes and never utter the phrase hissy wissy fakey snakey. That'll get em biting!
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I'm getting physical therapy for my back. I bet Spider-Man never has to get physical therapy for his back. I hate not being Spider-Man. :(
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Tattoos are like cats. You get one, then you have to get another, then you get more and more until you have to get rid of them using lasers.
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Posted
2012-02-21T00:20:09-08:00
"I just want to be LIKED," A Status Update
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Posted
2012-02-20T22:38:59-08:00
I don't do cocaine, I just like the way it smells
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Posted
2012-02-20T20:38:34-08:00
I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious!!!
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Posted
2012-02-20T18:42:27-08:00
Got checked out by cute girl...Total was $13.92
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Posted
2012-02-20T18:38:38-08:00
The worst part of a relationship has got to be never being able to take a shit ever again.
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Posted
2012-02-20T18:27:08-08:00
There's no good way to take your profile picture in the bathroom.
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Posted
2012-02-20T16:00:23-08:00
Keep your friend's clothes and your enemy's liquor.
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Posted
2012-02-20T15:56:26-08:00
To do list: 1. Buy a turtle. 2. Name it "The Speed of Light". 3. Be able to honestly say "I can run faster than The Speed of Light"
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Posted
2012-02-20T15:48:51-08:00
Going back to sleep without pressing snooze is how I live on the edge.
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Total Number of Statuses:12342
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why do they let this stupid fucker keep posting on this site?? i can stand idiotic if it's funny... but this?? bummer statusstalker.... there must be a lot more submissions to pull from without using this same lame ass over and over