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Posted 2015-01-23T06:01:14+01:00
"COME ON YOU PIECE OF CRAP" I yell at my computer, a magic box that can do anything

Get a Life(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Try starting to learn English, then talking about something people care about.

Comment by Anonymous

I'm started to add abilify to my diet to increase copius limitations of inner urinary tract infections in the Gloxima Fortiumus Prima. Hey, everyone! this is your bud Christian from Bolivar again! ri co laaaaaaa

Posted 2015-01-23T06:00:18+01:00
I was just wondering, if you're not too busy sometime, maybe I could pet your dog

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2015-01-23T05:49:37+01:00
[museum tour in the future] Racism and sexism ended in the 21st century, when brave Americans argued it out of existence online

Epic(1)
Comment by Missgotham

If he/she is an American his status would refer directly to America.

Comment by Anonymous

There are other countries?

Comment by Anonymous

And once again it's all about America? ? I guess no one else exists!!

Posted 2015-01-23T05:25:11+01:00
For my dog's birthday I rented a school bus and drove him around with all the windows down.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

my dog would shit on your bus

Comment by Anonymous

Don't lie, you just took him on your short bus and they put the windows all down so you wouldn't lick them.

Posted 2015-01-23T05:10:35+01:00
I'll give a fuck. IDGAF.

Fail(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Hey look, another unfunny status posted by a retarded nigger.

Comment by Anonymous

status stalker monkey admins will allow any post as long as it is old and or not funny.

Comment by Anonymous

A whole page of shit that's not close to being funny.. How did these all get on here?

Posted 2015-01-23T05:07:58+01:00
Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: I do. So that I could introduce you to our lord and savior, Jesus Christ. Cop: You're free to go

Fail(2)
Comment by Anonymous

cop will fuck your shit up, douchecanoe

Posted 2015-01-23T05:07:01+01:00
A Dexter like serial killer, but for people who want to talk in the car when you're clearly trying to fucking jam.

Funny(3)
Posted 2015-01-23T05:00:58+01:00
I remember 9 months before I was born, I went to a party with dad and left with mom.

Funny(3)
Comment by Anonymous

It's supposed to be: "I went to prom with my dad and came home with my mom."

Comment by Anonymous

Your dad was one 1 of about 30 guys that night who tried so you were pretty lucky.

Posted 2015-01-23T05:00:23+01:00
I bet Snowmen think it's weird that the ground is completely covered in their skin.

Funny(1)
Posted 2015-01-23T04:45:52+01:00
You never know where the bruises of the past are until you hit one.

Get a Life(2)
Posted 2015-01-23T04:44:47+01:00
Four out of five dentists agree to make the other one's death look like a suicide.

Win(1)
Posted 2015-01-23T04:44:14+01:00
You never look good trying to make someone else look bad

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2015-01-23T04:42:36+01:00
Legally change your name to "Fuck You." That way when someone asks your name, you can just stop the conversation right there.

Epic(1)
Posted 2015-01-23T04:40:01+01:00
If you end your message with "catch you later" the next time I see you I'm totally jumping in your arms. You better fucking catch me.

Funny(1)
Posted 2015-01-23T04:39:34+01:00
I like to stand 20 ft in front of the Walmart greeter and greet people before he gets a chance.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

All Walmarts are ghetto... ever see people of walmart?

Comment by Anonymous

You must have a ghetto ass walmart then. Mine always have greeters at the door because there arnt any 'homies' waiting to rob the joint.

Comment by Anonymous

V Not at the door anymore.. read on... After 30 years, "People Greeters" will no longer welcome Walmart customers with a "cart and a smile." Four months after Walmart got rid of its night-shift "People Greeters," the big-box retailer is moving its day-shift greeters inside the store. Walmart claims it's all in the name of better customer service, but the announcement has left some greeters uncertain about the future of their jobs. 'Welcome to Walmart. How are you doing?' Jerome Allen has greeted morning shoppers at Walmart for five years, the last two at a supercenter in Fort Worth, Texas. He heard through the grapevine that the store was reassigning its night-shift greeters, but was surprised when the store manager called him into his office on Thursday, and told him that there would be no more door greeters at all. Allen's new position, which begins Feb. 6, will be to stand in "high traffic" areas of the store, ask customers if they need any assistance, and direct the flow of traffic. Allen doesn't think his new position will be particularly useful. The store, he said, already has a full roster of employees manning the floor, who are required to ask nearby customers if they need any help, as dictated by the "10-foot Rule." David Tovar, a Walmart spokesman, claims store greeters have no cause for concern. "They're not going anywhere," he told AOL Jobs in an interview. But Allen isn't convinced. "I don't think they're going to let me stand around doing nothing," he said. "I don't know what my career is going to be here at Walmart. They're moving me to a position that isn't going to be here very long." Allen fears that many greeters, once they're in their new positions, will be found redundant, and let go. Allen's hours are already reduced for next week, to 16 hours from 20. He would love to work more; with an hourly wage of $10.45, Allen is struggling to support his two children. Aggressive Hospitality After Walmart got rid of night-shift greeters in September, Tovar told Bloomberg that the decision was a way to to rein in costs and prices. Walmart's sales have thinned in recent years, as many customers flocked to dollar stores instead, which offered even lower prices. Same-store sales at Walmart dropped for nine straight quarters, but picked up by 1.3 percent in the quarter that ended in October. In contrast, between 2007 and 2010, Family Dollar and Dollar General grew by 15 percent and 37 percent, respectively, according to a December report from Colliers International. Most of the night-shift greeters were assigned to other roles, "and a very small percentage ended up leaving the company," said Tovar. But that's not what's happening here, he emphasized. Walmart had given greeters extra responsibilities over the years, he explained, like helping customers return products, and cleaning and prepping carts. The change frees greeters from these other duties, so that they can "really focus on customer service," he said, and interact more with customers while they're in the store. Analysts doubt the move will have any real impact on sales, but say it does raise questions about the future of Walmart's smiley-faced image. "The Walmart greeter put a friendly face on the big box, self-service store," said Wendy Liebmann, CEO and chief shopper of consulting firm WSL Strategic Retail. "More than ever, shoppers are looking for an engaging experience at retail. Especially in this new digital world. It's not only about the lowest price. Hopefully Walmart understands this, and will find a new way to deliver it." The "People Greeter" was an idea dreamed up by Sam Walton himself, first introduced in 1980, and quickly imitated by retailers everywhere. The "People Greeter" has become such a cultural staple that he even had his own cameo on "Family Guy." Walton believed "aggressive hospitality" would set Walmart apart from other retailers, and Tovar insists that this new development is simply a continuation of that legacy. Even so, "Welcome to Walmart" isn't quite the same, when said in a "high traffic" area.

Comment by Anonymous

V Um... they still do!

Comment by Anonymous

This would have been more funny back when they still had greeters.

Posted 2015-01-23T04:38:25+01:00
Science: A woman's sex drive is directly proportional to how fucking crazy she is.

Epic(1)
Posted 2015-01-23T04:37:40+01:00
Hey, chicks who have words tattooed on your tits... We didn't come here to read.

Funny(7)
Posted 2015-01-23T04:35:24+01:00
I'm only one kind of happy, and that's trigger.

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

I have 2, trigger and slap.

Comment by Missgotham

Lol I bet people who dislike this status don't actually get it.

Posted 2015-01-23T04:34:16+01:00
I don't really WANT to make bad choices; but I got here late and all the good choices were already taken.

Epic(1)
Posted 2015-01-23T04:33:57+01:00
My friends most commonly describe me as "who?"

Funny(2)

Total Number of Statuses:25949

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