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Posted 2014-10-30T20:14:25+01:00
You can learn to hate, and you can learn to spell. But apparently it's one or the other.

Epic(1)
Comment by Anonymous

U crazie ho.. bitchz trippn...

Posted 2014-10-30T20:13:31+01:00
Well son, I yelled "Damn shawty" as your mother walked by on the street and we've been together ever since

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-10-29T22:41:16+01:00
I like my women how I like my coffee, between my legs as I drive.

Get a Life(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Around coffee or around women I bet his pants are always wet.

Comment by Anonymous

Wow! You must be a prize catch! NOT~

Posted 2014-10-29T22:28:45+01:00
In order to save money I installed a sound chip into my wallet. Now when it opens it plays a song by Nickelback so I quickly have to close it.

Fail(1)
Comment by Anonymous

fucking canadians.

Comment by Anonymous

you have funny posts. keep doing what you do.

Comment by Anonymous

I would rather listen to every Nickleback song on a loop till my ears bled than read another one of your stupid posts. Just sayin.

Posted 2014-10-29T17:46:32+01:00
Instagram me like one of your French toasts.

Fail(3)
Comment by Anonymous

I ran out of time yesterday so I sent you a pic of yesterdays french toasts when it came out today. Enjoy.

Comment by Anonymous

Makes no fucking sense!

Posted 2014-10-29T15:59:16+01:00
If a tree falls in the woods it should break into a light jog so it looks like it did it on purpose.

Fail(2)
Posted 2014-10-29T15:42:34+01:00
My anaconda has a structured settlement but it needs cash now.

Fail(2)
Posted 2014-10-29T15:41:28+01:00
Peyton Manning always looks like someone is explaining the internet to him.

Epic(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Peyton is the one who always pouts when he chokes.

Comment by Anonymous

you mean ELI moron

Posted 2014-10-29T15:41:05+01:00
Probably the hardest part about wearing a deep v-neck shirt is having to constantly look down to make sure you're not having sex.

Fail(2)
Comment by Anonymous

This is just stupid fucking shit. Go kill yourself.

Posted 2014-10-29T15:40:37+01:00
I really don't care who wins the game of thrones as long as everybody had fun out there.

Get a Life(1)
Posted 2014-10-29T15:39:09+01:00
I never give money to those Salvation Army people because I know they're just gonna spend it on more bells.

Epic(2)
Posted 2014-10-29T15:33:26+01:00
Avoid unwanted pregnancies by using the "pull out" method where you pull out an acoustic guitar at a party & no one will have sex with you.

Fail(2)
Comment by Anonymous

I think all you have to do is talk and you will have the same result.

Posted 2014-10-29T15:32:52+01:00
Been at this all-you-can-eat buffet since 6 p.m. last night. I'm still not full. They've called the cops. I'll fucking eat them too.

Fail(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Go home, Rosie O'Donnell! You're drunk.

Posted 2014-10-29T15:32:35+01:00
Skrillex! It's your cousin Marvin. Marvin Skrillex! Know that sound you've been looking for? I think I found it! *holds phone up to blender*

Fail(2)
Posted 2014-10-29T15:30:18+01:00
I wake up every morning with the joy & excitement of wanting to go directly back to sleep.

Fail(1)
Posted 2014-10-27T21:22:40+01:00
I've found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

I've found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock, people expect less of you.

Comment by Anonymous

They better tuck both complete pants legs in.

Comment by Anonymous

That must be what the site moderators do.

Posted 2014-10-27T21:21:07+01:00
Do the world a favor: seek medical attention to have whatever has burrowed up your ass safely removed. Also, recycle.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

What if going to the doctor and recycling is what's burrowed up in there?

Posted 2014-10-27T21:18:56+01:00
Before forming an opinion on an important social topic, ask yourself: what would a completely unqualified millionaire celebrity actor think?

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

They would "feel at all." See the 'celebrity poster' ten statuses below.

Posted 2014-10-27T21:18:36+01:00
I probably shouldn't have the word "amazeballs" on my resume, but I don't know a better word to describe my ping-pong prowess.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Well we know you aren't referring to the size of your nut sack. With a resume like that you're nothing but a loser ass pussy.

Comment by Anonymous

It probably would not matter either way, I am sure you never had a chance at the job once they saw you.

Posted 2014-10-27T21:16:13+01:00
I don't mean to big-talk, but I have a very big vocabulary. Sooo big. And when I say big, I mean lots and lots of words. Big fucking words.

Funny(2)
Comment by Anonymous

Big is three letters. I guess that counts.


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