Share

Posted 2016-06-20T21:19:54-06:00
Time doesn't exist. It's an exclusive construct derived from the primitive human mind. - I tell myself as I set my alarm for 6am

Epic(1)
Comment by Anonymous

v v v This guy gets it.

Comment by Anonymous

Who da fuck cares when you set it?

Comment by Anonymous

I set my alarm for 5:30AM

Comment by Anonymous

I set my alarm for 5:30AM

Posted 2016-06-20T21:12:06-06:00
Whenever I'm feeling fat, I try not to stress about it and just keep my chins up.

Funny(2)
Posted 2016-06-20T21:07:37-06:00
As grandma used to say, "stop being a whiny little bitch and eat the fucking gluten".

Funny(3)
Posted 2016-06-20T21:07:25-06:00
I don't understand why they called it "WebMD" when they could have called it "Sickipedia."

Epic(1)
Comment by Anonymous

And they only need one page that just says you are going to die because when you look up anything, all symptoms pretty much lead to bad diseases.

Posted 2016-06-20T21:06:31-06:00
My 5yo just told me I'm the meanest mom in the world so now I'm freaking out, like wtf I don't even have a speech prepared or anything.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

That's because you are the meanest mom in the world.

Posted 2016-06-20T21:04:33-06:00
Mom loses track of kid for 20 seconds at zoo: BURN HER AT THE STAKE Man rapes woman behind dumpster: AWW, LET HIM GO, IT WAS ONLY 20 MINUTES

Fail(5)
Comment by Anonymous

Perhaps you should get lost, burned at the stake and then raped behind a dumpster for only 20 minutes.

Posted 2016-06-20T21:02:19-06:00
If anyone has ever told you that you snore, just know that person has very carefully weighed the pros and cons of letting you live.

Funny(1)
Posted 2016-06-20T21:00:44-06:00
“Unlimited talk and text” offers from cell phone companies sound more like a threat than a selling point.

Epic(1)
Posted 2016-06-20T20:59:34-06:00
If you lift up the handle on the car door at the same time I'm trying to unlock it more than two times, I'm driving off without you.

Epic(3)
Posted 2016-06-20T20:58:58-06:00
"I can see you’re trying to relax. Can I interest you in a menu of unpleasant hypothetical situations that probably won't occur? - My brain

Epic(1)
Posted 2016-06-20T20:58:15-06:00
*Showing me a picture of your baby* Me: Is that a dog toy in the background? What kind of dog do you have? What's your dog's name?

Win(2)
Posted 2016-06-20T20:58:11-06:00
Home is where the bag filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags filled with plastic bags is.

Win(3)
Posted 2016-06-20T20:57:08-06:00
I try to find the good in every situation. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.

Funny(1)
Comment by Anonymous

Jadinha?? Is that you?? hahaha

Posted 2016-06-20T20:47:32-06:00
"Hi I'd like to buy some weed." America: Sorry, that's illegal. How about an automatic weapon?

Fail(6)
Comment by Anonymous

guns dont kill people? lol... ok... sure... but people without guns dont kill people with fucking guns! nutsack

Comment by Anonymous

Fuck white people

Comment by Anonymous

More atrocities have been committed by white Christians in this country than by any other race or religion. But let's ban Muslims. That makes perfect sense. Stupid sister fuckers can't even keep their paws of their own family or pets but they want to tell the rest of the world on how to live morally correct. What a joke.

Comment by Anonymous

Lol. Conservatives are seriously the dumbest fucking morons in the US. They think giving people welfare creates dependency but giving corporation subsidies is ok. They preach small government but want to tell women how to use their bodies, where people can use the restroom, and force religion on you in through their "small" government. Easily the worst group of people alive today.

Comment by Anonymous

Conservatives: "Abortion clinics murder babies. Ban abortion clinics! Video games promote violence. Ban video games! Porn promotes moral degeneracy. Ban porn! Drugs destroy the social fabric. Ban drugs! Guns kill people. Uh.....guns don't kill people, people kill people."

Comment by Anonymous

And the size of the population too. Lots of dead 3 year olds who found daddy's gun.

Comment by Anonymous

Arm every U.S. citizen. Wait one year. Then let's look at the decrease in size of every criminal's balls.

Comment by Anonymous

Yeah ... thought so. Another "tough guy" with a gun. Yawn.

Comment by Anonymous

You can't buy an automatic weapon. It has been against the law for a long time.

Comment by Anonymous

V maybe you should get your gun and do something about it, pinky-dick. I'm sure your husband will support you.

Comment by Anonymous

If you are going to gripe about gun owners maybe you should just get a tiny bit of education on what you are against. Again there are zero automatic weapons legally sold in the US. But please keep going on about penises. Dicks like you should know all about them.

Comment by Anonymous

VV Pinky-dick, just get the damn penis implant and you won't need to stroke your gun.

Comment by Anonymous

guntard white males have big guns and little dicks.

Comment by Anonymous

"Hi I'd like to buy some weed." America: Sorry, that's illegal. How about an automatic weapon? Sure...fill out this paperwork, write some big checks and wait two years and you can have an automatic weapon...you know...one of those things that has never been used in a crime."

Comment by Anonymous

Actually Australia has the highest mass shooting in world history

Comment by Anonymous

Wow,this post really did strike a nerve with the pinky-dicks.

Comment by Anonymous

V Except that's complete bullshit! Most of the states in the top 10 for violent crime are southern states plus Nevada and Alaska. Must be that mix of right wing stupidity and FOX news cum that prevents you from knowing actual facts. Personally, I don't need a gun, my penis size is adequate.

Comment by Anonymous

VV Idiot doesnt realize that the states with the most gun laws are the ones with the highest violent crime rate. While on the reverse end, the states with the most armed citizens are the ones with the smallest violent crime rate.

Comment by Anonymous

Here come all the cry baby gun nuts. Fucking morons are too stupid to figure out that the US has the highest mass shootings and death tolls from guns, but want to blame something else. Um no. It's the lack of gun laws idiots.

Comment by Anonymous

Moron alert!! Automatic weapons have been banned for like 87 fucking years.

Comment by Anonymous

Automatic weapons are illegal too and unlike weed they do not get sold and used every day. A swing and a miss. Maybe you had too much weed.

Posted 2016-06-20T20:44:41-06:00
More people died at The Pulse in Orlando then voted for expanded background checks.

Epic(2)
Comment by Anonymous

How about libtard cities enforce current gun laws? Background checks already go through MULTIPLE criminal databases. But, that's a fact & you're a liberal, so it won't make any sense to you.

Comment by Anonymous

All the people would have been killed had the club been moved to Saudi Arabia.

Comment by Anonymous

Its true. Because rich old white dudes want the poor old white dudes votes

Posted 2016-06-20T20:43:26-06:00
Imagine my embarrassment at getting caught in the rain without a piña colada.

Epic(1)
Posted 2016-06-20T20:26:37-06:00
I respect the moon, it controls two of our most precious elements, oceans and wolves.

Epic(1)
Comment by Anonymous

I'm not sure if that's a joke, or actually someone's retard philosophy... Anyway, neither are elements.

Comment by Anonymous

My left nut just twitched after reading that.

Posted 2016-06-20T20:21:56-06:00
We're officially down to three branches of government. The executive, the judicial, & the NRA.

Epic(3)
Comment by Anonymous

V What you want for Christmas?

Comment by Anonymous

little white dicks

Comment by Anonymous

Wow, a cowardly shrivel dick who needs a gun to feel like a man and a homophobe too. Here's my shocked look :O

Comment by Anonymous

VVV How much did you pay to have all those penises implanted in your well fucked ass?

Comment by Anonymous

V So do guntards of ever race, fake black troll.

Comment by Anonymous

Guntard white males have big guns and small dicks

Comment by Anonymous

v I have no problem with people wanting to have guns. It's cheaper than a penis implant I suppose.

Comment by Anonymous

What kind of douchbaggery is this? Fucking Liberal Snowflakes.

Comment by Anonymous

NRA is the oldest civil liberties organization and the ACLU was also against the crap legislation proposed, do yo uwant to lose your civil rights because of a secret list with not ability to get off it?

Posted 2016-06-20T20:18:02-06:00
If I ever do anything wrong please remember I'm not existing on purpose I'm just trying my best as the human I've been forced to embody

Epic(1)
Posted 2016-06-16T19:11:45-06:00
Started from 13 colonies now we here #merica

Funny(1)

Total Number of Statuses:27269

Status Stalker Login

Want to post a funny status? Well login isn't required but if you register and login you will have access to all the extra features status stalker has to offer.

Username:
Password:
Forgot Password?

Stalker Map

Facebook Addict Intervention Parody